How do you teach a child with autism to socialize in a typical setting? The answer is neither simple nor fool-proof. One parent writes:
Our 3yo son has just been diagnosed with Asperger's and Social Integration Dysfunction. My frustrations lie in his inability to initiate any sort of play. Everything is SO literal. Do we force him to socialise? I see his enthusiasm at watching other children play but it seems as if he is watching them through a window. Rarely does he join in, nor does he seem to want to. We recently signed him up for a soccer camp where he spent 30mins of the 45mins screaming to go home. When we finally did leave he spent the rest of the day talking about it as if he had had the best day of his life and asked to go back?? Do I keep forcing him to social? Is this harming him? Is this more for me than him? Any thoughts?
To be honest, I've never heard of a diagnosis of "social integration dysfunction," and couldn't find it on the web. I'm guessing that you may be dealing with SENSORY integration dysfunction (sometimes called sensory processing dysfunction), which is a disorder that often goes along with autism. With sensory integration dysfunction, the individual may be over or under-sensitive to sensory inputs from light, sound, smell, taste and touch.
This can make ordinary experiences more challenging, since the child may find, for example, that the bright lights and loud noises of a gym are overstimulating. Or, on the other extreme, he may deliberately smash into walls or other children during play just to experience the sensation.
Meanwhile, you're asking a three-year-old with social and sensory and communications challenges (and very likely to some motor challenges) to take part in a very complex game that is really too difficult for any typical child under the age of six or seven. Yes, I know that lots of kids play peewee soccer - but it's really above most little ones' heads. It's not too surprising that he's finding it tough to understand and follow the physical, social and communications rules in order to play the game appropriately.
So... what to do?
First off, recognize that a child with Aspergers and sensory issues is different, and (1) needs some therapies to help him develop physical and social skills and (2) may thrive with activities that require a little less physical and social prowess and a little more of whatever your son loves and is good at. It may also be that you, his parents, can provide some of the help he needs to develop play skills and learn to connect more successfully with others.
Some specific suggestions:
- Look into sensory integration therapy. It's usually offered by an Occupational Therapist, and may well be available either through your school/early intervention program or through a local or regional autism center. You may also find individual therapists by googling. Be sure to check out therapists' reputations through local autism support groups.
- Consider Floortime, RDI, or Play Therapy to help your child with Aspergers build the kinds of interpersonal skills he'll need as he gets older and more socially involved. Floortime in particular can be implemented at home by parents and other adults, and all three are great tools for bonding and building both relationships and joyful play skills.
- Look into speech therapy. Even if your child is talking, he may be using speech idiosyncratically or not understanding some of what is said to him. Pragmatic speech skills will be important for him as he gets older.
- Select camps and extracurricular activities with your son in mind - and not on the basis of what's popular with neighbors and friends. Consider small group activities with very clear rules and direction, such as... martial arts. horseback riding. swimming. Boy Scouts. There are many other options; soccer is probably not one of them.
- When working on building friendships, start small. A whole soccer team is just too many kids. Find one or two children (and parents) who are interested in play dates or group play, and take an active role in facilitating interactions. It may take a while, and it may require many short visits as opposed to just a few longer get-togethers, but with patience you may help to build solid friendships.
- Look into preschools for your son. Because he's high functioning, you may have a wider range of options. Be careful, though, to select a setting where the groups are small, the staff is relatively large and experienced, and where "quirkiness" is accepted.
