How Hard Should You Push a Child with Autism?
This remark bothers me: “The limits of autistics should constantly be pushed and their educational materials should never be simplified.” While this sounds great in theory, since my 2 year old son was diagnosed a few months ago I have grown increasingly skeptical of the conventional approach of many I have learned about. if your child was deaf, you wouldn’t try to force him to act as if he could hear or refuse to teach him sign language in an effort to force him to develop the ability to hear. I agree that we need to help our children develop all of the skills they can, but I think you have to hold them back in some areas if you spend all your energy and their time forcing them to do things that are incredibly difficult for them. It rather reminds me of these places where they take immigrant children who can’t speak english and stick them in a classroom where only english is spoken. meantime, how do they learn math and science? I want my son to learn how to talk, but if he naturally solves problems better visually, or if he learns more about the world using his tactile functions, or if he does not have adequate working memory to simultaneously have a complex thought and look me in the eye, how can it POSSIBLY be good for him to try to force him to (a) look me in the eye; and (b) say: “more food please” for every single bite of food? I was recently given this advice and I think it is obviously bad. This doctor’s quote smacks of this attitude which I think is extremely ill-conceived.The idea of "challenging" a child with autism is, in my opinion, quite different from the idea of "insisting upon certain styles of learning or communication." And I believe that the researcher cited was thinking of "challenge" in terms of playing to strengths. The researcher was, after all, commenting the finding that people with autism can do very well indeed, when the test looks at visual as opposed to verbal abilities.
Like everyone else, people with autism have strengths and weaknesses. And, like everyone else, people with autism prefer to play to their strengths. Few people with autism are strongest in the areas of social communication! Many, though, are strong in areas of math, music, memory, and so forth. We've found that our son becomes anxious when challenged in areas of social communication, and shuts down when pushed too hard. But in the area of music, with the right teacher, he can excel -- and thrives when pushed beyond his areas of comfort. The issue raised by the researcher is that most teachers assume incompetence when a child with autism does poorly on a verbal test -- when we know that children with autism are verbally challenged. Rather than continuing to challenge the child verbally, then, doesn't it make sense to also raise the bar in other areas? In my experience, most children can and do rise to a challenge, assuming that the challenge is well-conceived and that the teacher or coach truly grasps the child's learning style.
Comments
I too feel it is best to work with the strengths. My son has food issues, we were told to withhold food from him until he ate what we wanted him to eat (veggies, fruit, normal food) and instead of him “giving in” he lost weight. He refused to eat anything. We played to his strengths, little by little (talking about at least a year of trying) we slipped a couple of things in every now and then. Same with most other things, if we get down to his level we can sort of steer him in the right directions.
We know he tries. We know that. So we can have patience, he is trying.
How hard should you push a child with autism? I’m thinking the answer to this is probably not – or shouldn’t be – much different from the answer to the question, “How hard should you push a child?”
I agree with your assessment that the researcher cited was thinking of “challenge” in terms of playing to strengths, something I’ve written about before: Building on our strengths.
I once had issues with the idea of forcing eye contact. My idea was since I had no idea how it made my child feel as to why he avoided eye contact, how could I has a parent encourage him to do something that is so difficult for him? My son always gave me eye contact but he wouldn’t give it to you or a teacher and my thinking was yea for me as a parent
too bad for the rest. Then it was presented to me in a different way. For one, because of his discomfort, I knew he’d never attempt eye contact without adult help, and two, avoiding eye contact means if he is ever to learn social cues he never will not making eye contact. With this thought, I decided to allow the school to start to work on eye contact however I made sure how they were going to go about doing this. I’ll also have to add I didn’t approach the eye contact issue until my child was in 3rd grade, giving him quite a few years to learn other important social things like going beyond parallel play to actual interactive play with peers. Not going in steps for some kids can be a big mistake. I also know my son is a multi-tasker-thinker, and if there is no eye contact to his teacher, he’s not getting the fullness of what she is teaching. So I have come to a different opinion about eye contact and how academically and peer-wise it is important.
No one wants to force a child to do anything of which makes them uncomfortable or where there’s a weakness however if one never address the weak area’s there is never a hope for improvement. The whole idea of an IEP is ‘individual education’ which means some of that academics is going to have to be modified per the child’s learning ability. That child can still learn the same material, they’re just learning it in a different way than their typical peers.
My son Brandon refused to eat “normal” food. In fact, all he would eat was gerber. I too was told to withhold food and he will eat. No, he did not. I asked the peidatrician, how long am I supposed to let him go without food before it becomes a health danger? HE said three days and there shouldn’t be a concern of starvation, provided he has fluids. I said okay. (this was after half-heartedly trying for two years before). I told his school to go ahead and do what they had to do cause I wasn’t going to send in baby food for a 3 year old anymore. They showed me that they don’t start him at all. IF he eats one bite of this he can have one bite of that. Whatever this is, is what you want him to eat. Whatever that is, is what he wants to eat. So, when he discovered he liked bologna and cheese sammiches, I’ll let him have one if he eats his chicken curry salad first. If he wants sliced peaches, I’ll make him eat mangoes first. That type of thing. At first, it was just a bite-for-bite exchange, gradually increasing til he had to eat a whole serving and not every time could he have his favorite afterwards. He’s now 7 and will now at least try to eat anything I put in front of him without trades. Except for corn. He still gets sick over that so I don’t force corn on him!
As you can see, I pushed him past his comfort zone and this is good. It’s challenging him. I don’t have to challenge him in academic areas because he has a high IQ and no one has thought to “dumb” down his work. In fact, we’ve been fighting the laws in the state that won’t allow him to advance in grades because he’s a special needs child. There’s a lot of red tape preventing it and we’re getting through the rigamorole. I’m lucky that way.
My oldest, however, has had his work “dumbed” down for him which I fought to prevent. He can do the work same as anyone else his age and grade level, he just needs more time. He is also autistic. But there is nothing wrong in the intelligence department other than it takes him more time to process expressively thingies. He has it in his head, just takes a while to get it out, if that makes sense to anyone else but me. His teachers have consistently this past year given him work that was “below grade” level and assigning him A’s in that category. Um, if he’s getting A’s and mastering it, doesn’t that imply he can handle something more challenging?
I wouldn’t go so far as to say never simplify work for a child, but I wouldn’t say either “let him be”. It’s a balance. Raise that bar in reasonable degrees, and the child, any child, will reach. They live down or up to the standards you set for them, all children and people do that. Not just autistic ones.
It’s often forgotten that intelligence is distributed among those with autism the same as in the normal population.
Knowing your child should be the first step.
The next one should always be: creating self confidence. A child should feel safe at all times.
Interesting issues with children with autism are:
- do we want monkey behaviour (just doing what we want, when we want, when we’re around), or do we want the child to internalize behaviour (doing it from an inner need) and do we want the behaviour to be generalised to appropriate situations.
- do we want a child to display certain behaviour because society asks it, or do we want the child to behave that way because he feels happy?
I’ve found out that pushing an autistic child to do things often results in a lack of development in another area.
They need their own time and their own pace of development.
It’s the art of the parent and the teacher to observe the child well, and make learning fun.
Keeping options open for the future: “What he can’t do now, he can do later.” respects him the most.
We always worked with our 3 autistic children’s inherent strengths … just as is done with ‘normal’ children. Assignments were adapted … not simplified. I developed an alternative testing method a mainstream teacher loved and agreed measured mastery (it had the added benefit of identifying what kind of problem there was if there was one).
My son graduated on the Honor Roll and is an Eagle Scout whose project drew international recognition. Daughter/twin 1 is a published poet who is also a natural artist and who writes eloquently from the autistic perspective. Daughter/twin 2 had original art included in a worldwide exhibition of children’s art and spearheaded her own charity that has helped over 1,400 hospitalized/impoverished children in four nations. All three have been formally recognized by another nation for their efforts to help the most vulnerable children in that nation.
Yes, you push them … but you do it in the language their brain speaks. To do otherwise is to ensure failure and mediocrity.
My son has Aspergers syndrome and did not used to make eye contact.
We taught my son to look in the general vicinity of the eyes or face. I did this by making circle around my face with my finger while instructing him “look at mommy’s face so I know you are listening.” After a while it became habit for him.
The funny part is the perception of his teachers or anyone that he comes in contact with is that he is making great eye contact. Since he is older now I asked him what he looks at and his answer was eyelashes or eyebrows and can identify everyone he knows as to if they have short or long ones.
Most of our communication involves non verbal cues. Since these do not come naturally to a person with autism they must be taught.
I cannot tell you the number of times I have been told that “he just can’t be autistic because he makes eye contact” they do not know or realize that he really is not making complete eye contact and it really does not matter because in the end he stands out less and is perceived in a better light.
How hard we push our child depends on the subject and his mood. Sometimes it will pay and other times it will distress him without gain. There is no hard and fast rule.
Kids can come a lot farther than you think. People just don’t know how to break things down enough or motivate a kid well enough to actually teach them deficits or overcome behavior issues that are impeding learning.
Work the deficits. Sincerely. You just have to go slower, and find out what motivates your child. Hire a behaviorist, it can really help.