Happy Father's Day to Autism Dads!
Photo: StockXChange
Here in the US, role models for father-son bonding usually revolve around sports, camping, or projects involving power tools - rarely ideal options for boys on the autism spectrum.
All too often, Dads are in the dark about their children with autism. They're off at the office while mom sits in on IEP meetings, therapist's sessions and doctors appointments, and have few opportunities to learn about their child's disorder or how to be a part of the treatment.
Yet despite frustrations, confusion, anxiety and even fear, autism dads figure out how to make those connections, and how to be there for their child with autism.
Some Dads start up special sports leagues, just so their child can play - and others help to coach. Some Dads find an area of shared interest with their child, and build a hobby together. Some Dads become dedicated advocates for better autism programs, treatments or education. Some Dads literally build communities so that their child with autism will have a terrific place to live when he or she grows up.
Here's to all those dads - and thanks for all you do.
Comments
I have Asperger’s, and am a father of children with Asperger’s. First I want to say that I understand and believe in the kind motives and sincerity of what I routinely see in this blog, so any time I want to say something even the least bit critical, I cringe because I do not want to offend, just give my perspective, which may represent at least a small fraction of us with Asperger’s.
I often feel with autism that the inability to walk in someone else’s shoe is a two way street. We autistics are famous for not being able to see the perspective of the neurotypicals. But very often neurotypicals are just as incapable of seeing things from the perspective of the autistic. What set me off today was the notion of setting up sports events for autistics. Be very careful not to project your desires for sports onto your autistic child. Sometimes you have to accept that your best would be mediocrity, and concentrate on those things where you can truly excel, like music or chess or playing Magic(R) Cards. I am not trying to imply that sports are inappropriate for autistics, but rather that the sport and the age and the timing of becoming interested in sports may be dramatically different than what you might have envisioned. DON’T PUSH.
I also found the line “how to be there for the child with autism” peculiar. It implies some kind of emotional bonding, which I do not believe occurs in most truly autistic people, at least not in the way it occurs between neurotypicals. Everybody in my family seems to be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, and I recently called one of my sisters, whom I had not spoken to in five years, and all I got out of the conversation was that she was annoyed I had interrupted her housecleaning. I have not communicated with the majority of my siblings for five or more years, and I am not sure a couple of them are even alive, or that I would know when they died unless their death happened to make national news. At least with the type of autism/Asperger’s which runs in my siblings, children, cousins and late parents and uncles, there is very little bonding. The only time any of my Asperger’s children have wanted me to “be there” is when they need to be bailed out from some catastrophe. I know if a neurotypical had just written that statement, it would be interpreted by neurotypicals as cynicism. You just have to trust that when an Aspie writes it, it’s just the way it is; we each accept and expect each other to be that way. In fact I kinda prefer it that way; I am always baffled and intimidated by how to deal with the emotions and protocols on my wife’s side of the family.
What about fathers and daughters? Women and girls on the autistic spectrum exist, you know.
sorry about the girls and women!! was thinking of my own family, and had somehow taken off the “blogger” hat.
THANKS to all autism dads of girls, boys, women and men!
Lisa
Bill, your one of the few people that truly write and sound to me, like an aspie. Your descriptions are honest and accurate in my opinion with what I have experienced. I can only wish I can hear more.. My Im is fletcher571 a yahoo address.