Today, at age 12, he's a different boy. He's verbal, patient, funny, creative... and, with people he knows and likes, he's downright chatty. But of course, he's still autistic. At this point in his life, he's not able to thrive in a typical classroom. He has no "true friends." Yet he's reading at close to age level... playing clarinet in a jazz band... winning trophies in the local bowling league... and much more.
More than one person, seeing Tom after a long break, has said "I never thought he'd be able to do that!"
If he can come this far, I can't help but think, how much farther could he come in five years? In ten years? Assuming that he will continue to grow, how high - as parents and homeschoolers - do we set the bar? Are we aiming for college and a career? Or just for a job of any sort?
My personal answer to these questions is - since there's no way to know what any child will (or won't) be able to achieve, there's no reason to set limits. And, while challenges are important, there's no reason to create unreasonable expectations. So, we continue to push our son as we push our neurotypical daughter - to the point of challenge, and just a tiny bit beyond.
At one point, when looking for a music teacher, I asked a relative for advice. She said "well, you just want him to have fun, right? you're not aiming for the New England Conservatory!" My husband and I looked at one another and shrugged. Why not??
Lisa,
Stanley Geenspan said it all to us 20 years ago.
As long as they don’t plateau….it’s limitless.
Xr
There is a poster in my classroom that reads, “Shoot for the Moon, Even If You Miss, You’ll Land Among the Stars.” I do hold high expectations for my students’ futures and, starting at their current levels, teach them the skills that will enable them to lead independent lives.
We don’t know what their outcomes will be, but they will be more independent than if we didn’t try. That’s what that quote means to me, and what I try to do everyday. I see kids doing amazing things and learning quickly when their learning needs and styles are met.
I agree Lisa, “Why not?”
Nicole Caldwell, M.Ed.
http://www.PositivelyAutism.com/
My son “told” me he wanted to be a doctor of animals when he grew up, and asked me if he could. I told him he could, but he would have to work hard. He has a lot of issues to overcome, but he has started working really hard to progress since he started “talking” to us. Whenever he asks me if he can do something I always tell him that he can do anything he wants to do as long as he is willing to work hard to accomplish his goal.