Warrior Moms and Autism Revisited
According to Byrne:
All warrior moms decide early on that they will try anything to heal their autistic child. I’ve done my research, and the only proven autism treatment is Applied Behavioral Analysis. The biomedical therapies—gluten- and casein-free diet, supplements such as fish oil, chelation (a controversial detoxification), to name a few—do not have a large body of well-designed and independently verified research backing up their claims of improving the lives of autism patients.I must say that the term "warrior mom" never really resonated with me, either. The truth is, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of "going to war" on behalf of my son. For some people, anger serves as an energizer. For me, it's more of an energy drain. Where others hire lawyers and sue the school district, I prefer to homeschool. Where others are completely certain that they understand the causes and cures for autism, I feel completely certain that those causes and cures are still very uncertain indeed....warrior moms will often say, “I didn’t want to look back and wonder if there was something I should have done.” I’ve thought that numerous times, too, but doing something just for the sake of working out our personal anxiety about having a disabled child is not good for any of our children, least of all our beautiful, special-needs ones.
I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don’t love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn’t make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.
But there, my agreement ends.
Yes, its true that ABA is the most thoroughly researched autism therapy out there. And there are certainly parents who have been pushed into extreme treatments and quackery by their anxiety (or for other reasons). But ABA is just one among many therapies that can make a difference for a child with autism.
And this bit of prose really disturbs me: "I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don’t love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn’t make me a warrior. It only makes me sad."
If I understand correctly, Ms. Byrne is saying that watching your child struggle and fail, and feeling merely sad, is an expression of unconditional love. Exploring options that are not ABA is an expression of personal inadequacy.
Like Ms. Byrne, I don't think of myself as a "warrior mom." But I am determined to do more for my child with autism than watch, sigh, and feel bad when he fails. I'm determined to find my child's strengths, and help him to build on them. I'm determined to find therapists who are able and willing to understand my child, and nurture his growth. I'm determined to see my child as a person who can do many things - some of them very well indeed.
None of these things make me a warrior. But I hope that all of these things make me a pretty good mom.
Comments
I feel saddened by Mrs. Byrne’s comments. Just watch and do nothing for your son/daughter because you don’t have the energy to research for therapies and cures is not “loving your child unconditionally”. It is being a wimp. Of course, it can get scarry when we are talking about IVs, chelation, and other things like that. But there are many things you can do that are not so harmful. For example, going gluten free/casein free/soy free and other “free” is not a scarry idea as long as you do your homework and you know what to substitute it with. You can give your child a very healthy meal without any of them. And then you need to observe and see if your child makes improvements. We have come to realize that we are going to have to entertain some things that are unproven. Our personal test is: could it harm our daughter? If the answer is “no”, then we go ahead. By the way, the medication that harmed her the most was prescribed by a pediatric neurologist who gave her Depakote (just in case she had seizures). That is completely traditional medicine. And it was a disaster. And, oh, by the way, I would much rather give my daughter vitamins that Ritalin…
Anna - absolutely a mother warrior
Hi.I definitely agree that doing everything to help your child; believing in their potential, is not “lack of love”!
I realize people deal with sadness and disability differently, but sitting and “feeling sad”, while understandable, is probably not going to be as helpful to the child,as doing something to help the child get better skills.
Am, without doubt, a warrior mom, though I can understand others don’t like the term, and that is ok.
My son was born with a different disability, but I know that if I had chosen to sit and feel sad, continuously, he would have lost so much ability to do things.
like the other mom, we decided if it was safe, and likely to help, we would try and see if it worked or not.And some surprising things were very helpful.
I did discover that if you have a special needs child,and you want to make a difference, then you get to do the leg work.For example, his contracted joints and fingers would not have opened if I had listened to the well meaning people who said, “just take your baby home and enjoy him”.I enjoyed him, but I also spent every day slowly stretching his contracted finger,leg and arm muscles to lengthen them.”Wow they have got so much better”…well that was no accident.
Perhaps it is a paradox.I love my son, his courage,and his great heart.I love who he is.And I want to give him the best I can, while accepting that some things can’t be changed. But I also know very well that if I just sat on my hands and did nothing, he would have a far greater burden to carry.
I trusted the mainstream medical establishment. My son’s Doctor committed suicide and then because of Jenny McCarthy’s Book and Generation Rescue… I went to a Defeat Autism Now Doctor. We lost six years of Tanners voice. Through Biomedical intervention everyday he is making progress. Do not waste a second on those that would leave you out in the cold. They are too busy protecting their own rear ends. Be a parent. Tanner said “Hi Daddy” the week before Father’s Day. I will not rest until every mother of a child with Autism gets a hug and hears (or reads) “I love you Mama.” Warrior Dad… 100%
www.ageofautism.com
http://www.causecast.org/member/tanners-dad
Hi Lisa Jo,
>>And this bit of prose really disturbs me: “I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don’t love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn’t make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.”‘
>>If I understand correctly, Ms. Byrne is saying that watching your child struggle and fail, and feeling merely sad, is an expression of unconditional love. Exploring options that are not ABA is an expression of personal inadequacy.
She seems to be communicating that parents who take a “warrior” position, and deal with those understandable feelings of uneasiness by throwing untested, unproven, or downright bogus treatments at the situation are doing it to deal with their own issues, issues we all potentially face. Perhaps she’s not clear herself on unconditional love (although she may think she is), but what she seems to be saying is that pursuing untested therapies is a step in the wrong direction.
>>Like Ms. Byrne, I don’t think of myself as a “warrior mom.” But I am determined to do more for my child with autism than watch, sigh, and feel bad when he fails. I’m determined to find my child’s strengths, and help him to build on them. I’m determined to find therapists who are able and willing to understand my child, and nurture his growth. I’m determined to see my child as a person who can do many things - some of them very well indeed.
Rather than create a complete straw man argument here (that the author is advocating nothing more that watching, sighing, and feeling bad in the face of failures), I think you could make a good argument that the author may have some work to do with respect to clarifying what unconditional love would really look like.
While perhaps a common response to feel negatively impacted emotionally by observing any child struggle, that’s still her own issue. And while avoiding a step in the wrong direction may be advisable, it may not be enough. Why don’t you call the author on her potentially blatant devaluation of autistic children (in the face of her own sadness), instead of creating a straw man?
The writer wasn’t saying to do nothing. I agree with this to the point of trying anything. Some of the options listed are some of the unproven things which make up that thought of warrior parent, and subjecting a child to things to rid them of autism. What I get out of it is instead of helping the child with the skills they have, sad thing is, most times after trying such things, the child still has autism and that’s where unconditional comes in. When one option doesn’t work, a parent often goes onto another in hopes of the autism leaving. That’s where that warrior comes in. Over the years many new options have come and gone like fads. I can name them off. What’s learned is no matter the newest fad, the child still has autism.
I am no warrior mom. I’d been a mom regardless if my child had autism or not. I’d stick up for him when needed no matter what as well. But I more accept his limitations and autism than to subject him to something that no where does it state for sure will help ‘this’ child.
“I’m determined to find my child’s strengths, and help him to build on them. … I’m determined to see my child as a person who can do many things - some of them very well indeed.”
Bravo, Lisa! And how is this any different than how we would approach an NT child?
The “Warrior Mom” fad is a disingenuous bit of marketing piffle that translates into rejecting a child’s personality, the same way we are told to reject dry, flaky skin; or static cling; or calcium scale on our dishware. And worse yet, the Warrior Mom ethos is rooted not in empirical evidence, or the best advice of real medical experts, but rather the spoiled tantrums of a D-list actress who still thinks vaccines contain anti-freeze.
Health care fraud is an $80 billion a year racket, and the bad guys know about autism. Be skeptical. Given lack of a control group, and enough time, grape Jello® will look like an effective treatment for autism.
There is no point in arguing positions of parents. One cannot decide what is best for another. However, Autism Newsbeat, what science are you talking about specifically? The medical community does not even agree that the rate of autism is actually rising and not better or alternative diagnosis. You have to have been living under a rock to believe this. Tell us ANB, what treatments are suggested? What therapies are proven? Do you have time to wait around? You are going to be waiting a long time. Maybe in another decade, a decision will be made that, in fact, the autism rate has risen. If you are happy with your child the way he or she is and when you are gone that he or she will be “just fine,” good for you. Do not be a fool however. Your so called, “science” always starts with a hypothesis and a guniea pig. Take for example, chelation. The study has been cancelled (its considered unethical). It is not unethical however to give a kid risperdal off-label (thats right it was being given by many docs to control behavior). It causes severe weight gain, tics and diabetes. But, it is now scientifcially “valid.” Follow the money. Vitamins have not been studied. Who is going to pay for the reasearch? Fish Oil? Same thing. CoQ10? Ditto. The mainstream medical docs have been using it for years! Ketogenic diet? It works. Modified atkins diet? It works. Studies? Very few. No money in it. Wake up people!
I think it is true that one can not decide what’s best for another child however, if there wasn’t the promotion of such things and the idea of recovered, parents would be more cautious. I myself find it odd that if a person or child has heavy metal poisoning, any doctor or hospital has the ability to treat that however with autism, that’s not the case. It’s promotion of one specific doctor treating this. Fish oil. many give it in oil form which can be dangerous to the lungs. Risperdal as opposed to this, no one knows long term effects since these things are that new. Also, not all who take risperdal have those same exact side effects.
Follow the money is correct, most places that suggest bio (vitamins, fish oil…) all want you to purchase it not from Walmart, but from specific places.
None of which is the point. Any who choose such things or not is not really a warrior at all.
- “There is no point in arguing positions of parents. One cannot decide what is best for another.”
Terry, there is a point in arguing the positions of parents. It’s about the kids though. Parental postions that are potentially harmful to kids (physically, emotionally, and societally in the long-term) are fair game for thoughtful discussion and even criticism.
- “However, Autism Newsbeat, what science are you talking about specifically? The medical community does not even agree that the rate of autism is actually rising and not better or alternative diagnosis. You have to have been living under a rock to believe this.”
The scientific medical community is not in any sort of major disagreement about this at all. While it’s certainly possible that there has been some real increase in the actual prevalence of autism, there is currently no scientific evidence to support this - especially in anything near epidemic proportion. There are, however, irrefutable changes in the diagnostic criteria (additions of PDD-NOS and Asperger’s), broadening of the criteria for autism - to be more inclusive, evidence of diagnostic substitution (with mental retardation), evidence of decreasing age of diagnosis, and likely increases in awareness and recognition.
- “Tell us ANB, what treatments are suggested? What therapies are proven?”
Scientifically “proven”? None.
- “Do you have time to wait around? You are going to be waiting a long time. Maybe in another decade, a decision will be made that, in fact, the autism rate has risen. If you are happy with your child the way he or she is and when you are gone that he or she will be “just fine,” good for you. Do not be a fool however.”
Nice try at an appeal to adverse consequences.
- “Your so called, “science” always starts with a hypothesis and a guniea pig. Take for example, chelation. The study has been cancelled (its considered unethical).”
It’s not just unethical. Chelation for autism also has zero scientific basis in the first place. It wasn’t the only study either. There was a chelation study at the Southwestern College of Naturopathic Medicine a year or two ago. While not published (yet) that I know of, one of the researchers presented the following about the results:
“Hypothesis 1: DMSA ineffective on autism symptoms (placebo effect).”
“Hypothesis 2: 1st round of DMSA normalized glutathione and improved platelet levels, so that further treatment had little additional effect.”
Source
Not exactly strong science in support of chelation for autism.
- “It is not unethical however to give a kid risperdal off-label (thats right it was being given by many docs to control behavior). It causes severe weight gain, tics and diabetes. But, it is now scientifcially “valid.”
Tu quoque. Risperdal has nothing to do with chelation. Two **wrongs** do not make a right.
You write: “The blog, entitled Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom doesn’t address the schools; instead it takes on the idea of “warrior moms” as popularized by Jenny McCarthy.”
So what if she doesn’t address the schools? So what if she chooses to go on a tangent? I thought the “blogosphere” was supposed to be free of convention.
I think Byrne’s brave to have written what she did. Misguided perhaps about the unconditional love part, but brave. I think she’s putting in a call for cooler heads to prevail, that’s all.
Shablooey - you wrote: So what if she doesn’t address the schools? So what if she chooses to go on a tangent? I thought the “blogosphere” was supposed to be free of convention.
I certainly didn’t intend that statement to be a put-down in any way! Of COURSE she’s welcome to address any issue that she wants, and I quite agree that that’s what the blogosphere is all about. I only wrote that to clarify who she is, and what her blog generally relates to.
Sorry if that was unclear.
Lisa (autism guide)
I find your commentary to be well written and you expressed your ideas nicely. I dont feel, however that you are qualified to judge whether a mother loves their child “unconditionally” or not. Such matters of the heart are not made available to mere human beings who cannot see into another’s heart. To simply say that you choose not to allow a particular treatment based on your own convictions is enough.
Randie - you say: I dont feel, however that you are qualified to judge whether a mother loves their child “unconditionally” or not.
I’m not sure I understand your comment - of course I have no way of judging Ms. Byrne’s relationship with her own child! And naturally she has every right to make treatment choices based on her own convictions.
My concern is that she seems to be suggesting that ONLY people who share her convictions truly love their children unconditionally. That, I thought, seemed just wrong.
Lisa (autism guide)
Lisa, I am referring to Byrne’s comment, “I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don’t love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy.” I am saying she cannot judge whether another mom’s love is unconditional or not. Regards.
Byrne seems to be saying that unconditional love is incompatible with unproven and ineffective “treatments”, and that a parents’ time and resources are better spent helping the child to adjust and adapt.
AutismNewsBeat,
Once upon a time ABA was considered an unproven (thus ineffective)treatment. No one can accurately judge whether another parent feels “unconditional love” for their child.
According to a very famous relegious figure and I’m not naming any names (Jesus), “Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” I would suggest that most any parent of an autistic child has done or would be willing to do just that. Most would likely make enormous sacrafices both in terms of time, resources and personal activities to help their child “adjust” and “adapt.”
If you don’t like the term “warrior mom” then try referring to yourself as “super mom”! Know in your very soul that you do all you can to help your child and that you always will!! Fell the sad times and work through it.Allow yourself some down time. As my mother always told me…”You cannot be good to anyone unless you are good to yourself.” Do whatever works for you in dealing with the challenges we as parents of children with autism face. My son is 14 and I have made my peace with what hs happened. I will to help him but do take some breathing time for myself. Occassionaly super-moms need a rest!!
Check of Ms. Brynes revision to her previous article:Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom, revisited
8 comments November 30, 11:37 PM
by Kathleen Byrne, New York Schools Examiner
I’m still recovering from the barrage of attacking warrior moms. I haven’t been spanked that hard since I stuck my sister’s foot in the mud in 1972.
Seriously, I want to thank you all for your comments, and I deeply regret passing judgment on my fellow autism mothers. I wish I could take back “I believe warrior moms do not love their children unconditionally.” It was outrageous, untrue and disrespectful. I am sorry.
The purpose of my series, Confessions of an autism mother, is to give us a place where we can be wrong, a place where we can express our confusion at all the conflicting advice out there, a place where autism parents freely admit that they are learning on the job. I am confessing to be human, after all.
I think warrior moms have a superhuman, unrealistic persona: They are perfectly adjusted to the sacrifice of putting their lives on hold to cure their children. The problem is, there is no cure. It’s simply not viable that all of our children will get off the spectrum. The majority won’t, regardless of what remedies we use. Please, don’t kill the messenger.
Biomedicine will not recover my daughter Fiona. The evidence just hasn’t presented itself. I decided on a strict course of 30 hours a week of 1:1 ABA not because I was afraid or too depressed to try new things but because I don’t believe in chasing rainbows. I believe autism has a heavily genetic origin, and nothing I do will change her DNA. I can change her brain, however; hence, the emphasis on behavioral therapy.
I’m also extremely proud of my daughter for working so hard trying to overcome her disability. I’ve supervised her therapy since she was 6 months old, gradually increasing the hours and types—physical, OT, speech, ABA. Fiona never fails to try again when pushed. She is a happy, affectionate, adorable daughter who loves picture books and the playground. “I would be fine if she never recovered from autism,” I often think while watching her giggle at Wow Wow Wubzy. Yes, I let her watch TV, another reason I’ll never be a warrior mom.
Incidentally, my husband and I are not on the same page when it comes to the GFCF diet. He asks, “What’s the harm?” I ask, “What’s the use?” Fiona doesn’t have gut issues, so I don’t think a GFCF diet will do any good. To keep the peace in our marriage, I’ll probably phase it in her diet in the coming months. I’ll let you know what happens, if we do it.
I think warrior moms … are perfectly adjusted to the sacrifice of putting their lives on hold to cure their children. The problem is, there is no cure. It’s simply not viable that all of our children will get off the spectrum. The majority won’t, regardless of what remedies we use. Please, don’t kill the messenger.
Not only is there no cure, but there is no set definition of “recovery” as Ms. McCarthy and others use the word. Parents truly see that they want to see, and if fewer tantrums means recovery, then so be it.
That’s good news and bad news. It’s generally a good thing for parents to develop coping mechanisms for dealing with a child’s disability. Noticing and celebrating improvements, no matter how small, gives us hope. Unfortunately, attributing improvements to whatever came just before is not the type of clear-headed thinking that children need from their parents.
Autism is a developmental disorder, so these kids will grow and learn and adapt. That’s something to celebrate.
Lisa,
I believe you have the right attitude- you are still a ‘warrior mom’ in my book! It doesn’t have to be anger fueling a mom. It’s all about balance and what makes sense for your child - I am not going to try everything under the sun - I am going to analyze what sounds right and could work considering my son’s symptoms, history, the research, other kids similar to mine and so forth. But then again, my son is 19 - so my goal is not cure - my goal is to help him as best I can overcome the obstacles he has (he is very impacted by autism) and some of those techniques are biomedical. Others are negotiating with the school district (ie having to hire an advocate or attorney) when they are not willing to provide what has been agreed upon by professionals in IEP meetings. If that makes me a warrior, so be it.
started reading comments made by ms. byrne and had to stop. she’s like a bull in a china shop! Her idea of a ” Warrior Mom ” as being angry is rediculous! Everyone knows that a good warrior who stays focused and dedicated has no room for anger. As a matter of fact if anger becomes part of the process it opens up all kinds of problems including poor choices. I guess I could have kept reading but printed it out for later. If someone starts a journey on the wrong road [anger] who knows if they’ll ever get to where their going? God Bless Bill
Wow-”unconditional love”, “recovery”, “warrior moms”? Like we don’t have enough labels in our lives on behalf of our children, lol, now we’re giving them to ourselves? What a waste. 8 years before Jenny sat on the couch I had 2 boys given different ASD dx. I joined the few and small “bio-med” groups and gave equal reasearch time to all the pros and cons. I also became an self taught expert in spec. ed law. With repsect to bio-med treatments, I believed the ONLY TRUE MEASURE to determine if a treatment was making a difference was to try a SINGLE treatment for an extended period of time, this was back in 2001, and by extended I mean 9 months to a year. This was accepted as the gold standard in the various “online groups” back then. Any parent who got a box of supplements in the mail AND did gf/cf AND saw a DAN doc in the same week was deemed an idiot and not the “Bio-med Queen” of the week. Science does not always begin and end with a doctor’s scipt or in the Mayo Clinic. Studies come from theories, which come from groups made up of people doing something in a STANDARDIZED way. Not these haphazard moms shoving every supplement and gf/cf/soy/yeast/corn/egg food down their kids gut. My own children have “recovered”, or as I call it “more independent” than when we started. Not because of CoQ10, a waffle or a DAN doc, but because I know the law. I sued for private placement, won, and in that school put together a very talented group of people who understood my sons. Then I taught them actual “life skills”, on the street with strangers and friends, no matter how I embarraassed myself or the looks I got. You want to know who a warrior is. Temple Gradin’s parents were warriors. The parents behind Lorenzo’s Oil were warriors. Jenny is not a warrior, all she did was sit on a couch and speak about a different kind of therapy that we ALL already know about if you spend 5 minutes researching Autism. I too believe in gf/cf, it didn’t work for us, but I have seen it work in children. It is ready for a larger trial study, and we owe it to the Ketogenic, Lorenzo’s Oil and Feingold parents who had the courage to pave the way for a treatment not found on a prescription pad. Name calling and infighting within our community does nothing for the overwhelmed new parent of a non-verbal child. As an advocate for children with special needs I get a call, go to a strange school, meet a parent for the first time read reports on her child and help her understand and create and IEP, and if I happen to twist the law in favor of that child, so what, it’s all for the child. You should be using your experience to help others. Warrior Moms?? Where the hell is this community headed?
I’m not shy about saying I’m not a huge fan of Jenny McCarthy. It’s not personal, I just don’t believe she’s “cured” her child’s autism. I have two autistic children a boy and a girl, and an Aspie husband. I believe autism is first a genetic coding and can branch into the specifics of behaviour, sensory, dietary, physical and other issues, all based on whatever triggers there are either environmental or internal. Vaccines, with or without mercury, I feel are a definite trigger for some–but clearly not for all. Some kids from the 80s who had all the huge push of shots, with mercury, did not become autistic. My best friend’s kid had to have all her shots from birth to kindergarten twice because her doctor lost her records and she was unable to start her in school otherwise. She is not autistic. Warrior mom? Yes, but a WISE warrior mom. I CHOOSE my battles. I will not lay down ever again and let my school district determine what is or is not a right. I will not allow them to tell me that because my child needs (fill in the blank) and giving him/her what is needed will take away resources from another child. I will never be guilted into relinquishing my child’s need because the district cannot or will not allocate resources to us ever ever again. I will not sit idly by and watch any–ANY–child be mistreated, ignored, bullied, demeaned or uneducated, never again. When I see other kids in my children’s classes suffering anything, I lay in wait for their parents, or if I don’t see the parents, I go straight to the school administration. If they do nothing, I go higher up. I have learned that I will not fall or get hurt by stepping over the heads of those “in charge” to go higher up. No nosebleeds so far. And I have the weapon of learning. I do not let a chance to learn go by. I read a lot about autism. Not EVERYthing, but a lot. I take from these things what will work for me and leave the rest. I pick and choose. And I am geared for battle at all times. I expect attack on a variety of fronts and I am ready. I try never (anymore…) to speak out of emotion and anger. I retreat, gather my words (bullets) and aim carefully so as to hit my target square and true. My MySpace profile picture is often Joan of Arc–in her armour. I blog freely about gearing up for my next battle. Warrior mom? What choice do I have? If I do not battle for my child, and the other children, who then will? Politicians? Please. Our government probably wishes we could just secretly put them all away. Maybe that’s harsh. HOW our collective governments–city, state, nation–can continue to minimize and cut and steal and rob from the education of this nation’s children–all the children–defies logic and leaves my brain stupefied. There is no logic in denying those who will one day be expected to take up the reins of running this country the education that will allow even the most menial laborer the ability to read the instructions for the machine needing to be used. Until education is a priority, nothing can progress for our autistic children. How can those who come after seek to “cure” or at least curtail autism, unless there are enough who are educated to become doctors, scientists, teachers, speech therapists, behaviourists… It starts with education, and it will end with education. Warrior Everyone! Battle gear on!
Wanted to clarify somewhat… I get that the notion of the label “warrior mom” is being used to describe the mom (parent–I hate being gender specific) who will do every and any thing to rescue their child from the clutches of deep dark oblivion, and all supplements, treatments, DAN doctors, etc. notwithstanding, they will rally and beat at the doors of established medical whoo hah to get their child back! Okay. I see warrior parents who fight for–FOR–their kids in whatever capacity is NEEDED. I do not do GFCF, I give my son one type of supplement (vitamins) as his diet is abysmal, but almost nothing for my daughter who eats a lot of regular foods. They both do soy milk. I apply the “warrior” label to ALL OF US, because we ALL are saying we WILL do what it takes…whatever it is at the time, or everything all the time. We each have our limits, don’t we? I know I do. We each have numerous pressures of life plus autism to handle. I have an idiot father who is decending into senility but not without making my life as difficult as possible (I have no problem with seniors, I love them, but my father has had 60+ years of manipulating his whole family and I’m the last straw here–LONG story) plus a husband who is just as hard to work with as my kids, but he’s a grown up and knows how to drive and can escape me… Dangit. We’re all warriors. I feel for the ones who grasp at every offered treatment. I read up on them, chose against, though my husband reached for chelation and I said no. My friend’s son is on risperdal. I’ve said no to ADHD meds for my daughter. I cherish their personalities and their differences. I relish the fact that MY parenting experience will be completely unlike anything my friends have. I can top their stories with stuff no one ever imagined! I say things like “Get that lizard OUT of your mouth!” Who else says that? Very few of my friends…well, more than I thought, actually. We all do battle. We all are warriors. We all are SPARTA!! We all deserve great huge parades and ticker tape and medals. We all rock. That’s it for me.
Thank you Lisa Jo Rudy - you say it well. What really bothers me, is all the comparing we do to each other. Isn’t life with autism hard enough without pointing fingers at each other and saying you don’t love your child enough, or if you did you’d do the “untested” therapies too? I have done GFCF not because I’ve observed behavior change - I did blood work! I actually TESTED my son and discovered that he indeed is allergic to casein and gluten, as well as tomatoes, apples, bananas, and a bunch of other stuff. I also TESTED him to see if he had an heavy metals in his system. He has high levels of lead and arsenic. I did chelation to get those levels of lead and arsenic out. I think the bottom line is, we are all in pain. We do love our children more than life itself. We do all feel inadequate and it is scary to worry about our children’s futures. We don’t need to point fingers at each other and make judgments about why or what or how much or how hard or when we do things for our ASD children. It is all a struggle, and we are all on different paths to progressing as mothers. Although Jenny is certainly controversial, I do appreciate that as a celebrity she is getting the word out about autism to the mainstream. THAT is necessary to get laws changed so moms with limited resources may have more help.
I think that if you read the majority of the blogs written by Kathleen Byrne, NY Education Examiner, which I did after I read this post, you will find that she is very judgmental. I went back and read nearly all of her postings. She clearly thinks (or at least conveys in her writing) that she is the best judge of how children, particularly those with special needs, should be parented. When confronted after her first Warrior Moms blog she did apologize but then she displayed the same quick to judge and condemn attitude in her blog about the Travoltas. I expect that given the comments she received about that one, she will post another after the fact apologetic blog. The sad thing is that she has a great forum for bringing people in the autism community together — there are so many natural divisions — it would be great if she saw fit to use her space to find common ground. Instead, she seems to take a very hard line against those who do things she disagrees with (yet, she will admit to giving her young autistic child an adult allergy medicine to make her sleep!). She balances overly opinionated pieces with mildly factual and relevant pieces that appear to me to be simply regurgitated lists of good schools and programs and other articles about education…and don’t forget the award to her son’s teac)her for teacher of the month (no bias there…) I think it’s important to keep in mind that she’s not an expert. Given her bio doesn’t list any qualifications, I suspect her knowledge is related strictly to personal experience, which cannot be discounted but is likely thin. She seems to me to be yet another person blogging with no expertise and lots of strong opinions.