Autism on a Plane: Is This Really Big News?
Yesterday, the story was blogged on the Chicago Tribune's website, and drew significant attention:
I don't think there's any question the two-and a half-year-old was "pitching a raging fit" as American officials have said, according to this story by television reporter Ed Crump of WTVD-Ch. 11, the ABC affiliate in Raleigh-Durham.The Tribune writer finishes by pointing to this incident as an object lesson in how the public should better understand autism because, in essence, autistic people are here to stay:But the mother, Janice Farrell, told Crump that the flight attendant made matters worse.
"She kept coming over and tugging his seatbelt to make it tighter, 'This has to stay tight.' And then he was wiggling around and trying to get out of his seatbelt. And she kept coming over and reprimanding him and yelling at him," Farrell said.
One of the pilots came back to the cabin with a stern warning and Farrell says the frustration level escalated...."He just melted down. He saw me getting upset. He was upset. He was on the floor rolling around," she said.
This case, which comes on the heels of two other high profile examples--a severely autistic Minnesota boy who was banned from church and the autistic kindergartener in Florida who was voted out of class--shows we have a long, long way to go.I disagree.
The flight attendant clearly should have asked some questions, offered some alternatives, and "managed" her passengers better. She should have done that whether the passenger was an adult or a child, anxious or angry, or just in need of a little extra TLC.
The mom should have done a better job of communicating her specific needs to the flight attendant. Perhaps she could have selected some items from her son's bag prior to liftoff - so that the bag could have been safely stowed AND the boy could have had his calming objects.
The pilot should have been able to manage the situation better, perhaps asking a different flight attendant to attend to this child, or recommending what should be standard techniques for handling a difficult or upset passenger.
But in the long run, if a child is clearly unable to sit in his seat and is so upset and overwhelmed that he's rolling in the aisles of an airplane that's about to take off - would you want to be the family waiting on the ground while his mother and the airline staff attempt to calm him to the point where he can safely be buckled into his seat (knowing that the same issues might arise again and again over the course of the trip)?
What if you, too, had a child with autism who was just barely managing to hold it together, and you were seated a few rows behind the Farrells?
In my opinion, this is a story about poor airline service (and there have been plenty). It's also a decision about some bad decisions made by people who really should have known better.
But a major news story? No. A story with a moral about the growing prevalence of autism? Again, I think not. It's not just kids with autism who have a tough time in airplanes - and over-reaction to human emotion in airplanes and airports has led to serious problems (and in one case even death) in this "post 9/11 era."
Comments
I don’t usually defend airlines, but the outrage surrounding this is the type of thing that make people roll their eyes when someone expects for the world to stop for them and for safety measures to be compromised and the majority to be inconvenienced. No one is saying that autism isn’t serious, or that it’s easy to raise an autistic child. The kid was not kicked off the plane because of his autism, but rather, because of his unacceptable behavior.
Flying is miserable as it is in this day and age. I don’t think a flying tube full of people need to suffer delays, defying safety regulations, and a child’s caterwauling tantrum whether he is autistic or not. If that mother had even an ounce of class, she would have taken herself and the kid off the flight without being asked. Autism is unpredictable, right? Well, she should not have counted on every flight going as well as his first, and now that she has this knowledge, she might want to look for other methods of transport, for her own sanity and everyone else’s. We live in a society that caters to everyone that cries discrimination whether that cry is justified or not. Understanding is fine, but there are limits to that. Sorry the kid has autism. Sorry she has to deal with it as a parent. Ultimately, though, it’s not my problem or anyone else’s. This situation went beyond the limits of patience and understanding.
I think there’s 2 sides to every story and not all kids can handle all things. I wasn’t there, but from reading different sources of any one article, there are 2 sides. I think it’s a sad thing when every single thing is blamed on the public ’should have or could have’ for the child with autism. I’m sorry but the real world, some times no matter what that should of could of done in an attempt to make it better wouldn’t have worked. It’s hard to have standard techniques for handling a difficult or upset passenger when all people are different, and more so if the child has autism. I’m sure an airplane is the worst of all places for this to happen due to so many people being so close together. I’m also not sure of one person who has a child with autism that has never had to leave early or leave when just getting some place due to their child with autism just couldn’t handle it. I waited years to take my child to a theater and if I had taken him at 2 years old, it wouln’t had been fair to my child, us or the other people who came to see a movie. I’d never take my child with autism on a plane flight, in such a confined setting and expect him to understand or follow the rules. We drive.
I don’t blame the airline, nor the parents. It’s just a bad situation the child could not handle.
And don’t even get me started with the MN church and that family. That is a case where the church offered many options and good ones, but the mother refused them all.
I think maybe, it’s not so much the world is not accepting autism as some parents expect the world to just bend over back wards for them and their child. You also can not relate a church, a teacher and an airline in a lump. They are all different situations with circumstances that need to be looked at unto their own.
I have to admit that I was wondering why they didn’t take along a car seat. An FAA approved 5-point harness would have kept most kids securely in their seat, and it would be comforting for the child to be in the same seat they normally use in the car.
To the first commenter – so do you suggest that familes with autistic children do not fly in airplanes? What if they, like my family, have half their relatives living overseas? Should I stop seeing my parents, siblings and nephews forever? Why don’t we also forbid annoying celebrities, alcoholics and people with bad gas issues from flying? Give me a break. I fly with my autistic son every year and we try to plan ahead. So far there was only one difficult year, when he was 3 (bigger than the kid in this news story) and it was the first time we didn’t take his carseat on board. He did not like the lap seat belt and freaked out. Solution: my husband and I pinned him down during the whole takeoff and landing times. He screamed his head off, but other passengers didn’t even bother looking at us because it just sounded like every other distressed child in a flight. Anyway, I think kicking a mother and small child off a plane is cruel no matter the circumstances and the crew did little to try to come up with a real solution. Airlines are abusing their rights against customers. My gut feeling regarding this story is that, although the mother might not have done a great job preventing the kid’s meltdown or handling the carry-on bag situation, the crew handled the problem poorly.
My family is overseas, and if I had a child that could not handle being on a plane, I would arrange for them to visit me, or I would wait until that child could get on a plane without being disruptive. I am sure you have me pinned as someone that has something against autistic children, but the fact is, I would have problems with an obnoxious drunk on a flight, any screaming child, or an annoying, entitled celebrity. The idea that the world should bend over backwards for someone because they are autistic/allergic/religious/you name it, is misguided. I am no fan of airlines, especially American Airlines, but just because a child is autistic doesn’t mean that FAA regulations should be broken. If they had taken off and that kid had gotten out of his seat and got so much as a scratch on himself, the mother would have clogged the courts with a frivolous lawsuit. Patience and understanding go so far. No one should have to get on a flight and deal with this sort of thing. It’s not fair to the 100 other passengers on that flight, not fair to the child, and not fair to airline employees.
Many people get kicked off of planes, it just doesn’t get media attention.
I am suggesting a child isn’t always capable of handling all area’s or situations, aside from the educatioal teacher mentioned, it’s not the publics responsibility to make it happen or to find solutions. Public places are often hard for kids with autism, and as a parent, one has to accept that they may need to do the adapting. Many kids with autism cant attend regular day care- many of us have experienced this including me. It’s sad that it happens, but reality is not all public places can prepare for a child with autism or handle it. There are certain restrictions every person has to follow. An example would be hitting is not allowed, but the child with autism (at whatever age) hits. It’s still unacceptable behavior, autism isn’t the excuse for the behavior.
I don’t believe it’s the airlines fault, nor do I think it’s the parents fault. Each could of should of. Hopefully each can learn something from this.
On a side note, my parents live out of state, they do the traveling to where we live.
Years ago, long before I gave birth to a child with autism, my husband and I took a flight to Paris. I kept a journal of that special trip. Here’s the irony; the opening page described the flight from hell, where a baby screamed the whole way and the parents changed its diaper right there next to us.
I was appalled.
Twenty five years later and much lattitude on my part, I have empathy for those with ALL crying babies,including those with autism.
Believe me, if a stewardess tried to tighten any of my children’s seatbelts, I would instinctively tell them to allow me to do so, and to obey the “don’t touch other people’s kids rule.”
We were not there; to comment any absolutes on this situation would be inappropriate.
Autism is here to stay, unfortunately and people need to pay heed. However, safety is primary, whether it be on a plane or otherwise.
Regards,
Robin H. Morris
What should have happened? Mom should have taken the things she needed for her son out of her bag, told the flight attendant not to touch her son or speak to her son, and then she should have restrained him while she tightened the belt.
The only problem would have been his screaming, and as far at that goes, it is likely he would have stopped after a few minutes even with his autism, as most 2-year olds do. ALL children cry at times and that is not always controllable by the parents.
The people who don’t like it and believe they are entitled to always be comfortable and never be flexible or adjust for others are wrong, and need to get over themselves. That’s not how society works. If you don’t want to risk the chance of listening to a crying baby on a flight, go buy yourself a private jet or join the real world and deal with it.
As for the Minnesota incidence, I suggest you search for the boy’s name on Google Blog search and read some alternative opinions. That case has been very twisted according to the actual people who were there, and I’ve written about it on my blog, as have some others.
Why do the media (or whomever) make these things big issues? Because they are blown across the media like seeds from a weed?
A screaming child, is a screaming child whether autistic or not. I know of no one who enjoys listening to a child scream. Leaving the gates when this is already happening is a recipe for a unbearable flight for EVERYONE. I believe the airline acted responsibly by removing them from that flight, as they would have someone drunk, obnoxious or threatening others/the flight before take off.
Did the airline try to help? Offering another flight, a different seat, time for the toddler to calm, suggestions to Mom for next time and then try another flight? That would be something I wouldn’t expect but imagine the airline could/would do because this has happened on every airline around the world hundreds of times over decades.
I think it has been blown WAY out of proportion and possibly someone wanting to jump on a bandwagon.
Look,
Yelling at any child ESPECIALY one that may not understand everything that his happening in his surroundings/self….does nothing to CALM a child……it doesn’t work on adults either. When as the last time someone yelled at YOU…Did you find it calming?
If one screaming child can lead to that much choas…what would happen if the plane went down.Would it be helpful to go around yelling orders at the passengers?
Now lets strap YOU to a seat and have a giant yelling at you,telling you that you are bad (the stewardess)as well as other strange and seemingly unfriendly giants (the pilot/passengers) as well as mom….Would you be climbing the walls to get out of that tin can? Of course you would.
When you say perfect storm, you are right…was this preventable? We will never know now….but I will tell you this NO ONE should be yelled at or treated that way.
Training staff in anger managemnet/psychology
and how it affects us ALL as well as special needs may help prevent future problems.It certianly wouldn’t hurt frazzled staff and may turn into a boon for buisness when it is practiced and all the passengers are feeling more respected.(Better managment)
I have an autistic 7 year old girl. We went through some very difficult times when she was younger, but I had to learn to deal with it by staying very calm.
I read some precious advice at childbrain.com when she was 2 that I still use and will never forget. It went something like this:
What is more difficult: to get your child to adapt to the world, or to get the world to adapt to your child?
This advice saved all of us. We now have a very happy, very well-behaved little girl, who nevertheless still has great problems communicating. Most people don’t know she has autism until they start asking her questions.
For an autistic child, the behavior generally escalates. If you can work to prevent the meltdown early, it may not happen. The airline attentant should not have yelled at a small child or interfered with the mother, who is probably still learning how to deal with meltdowns, herself. That was ridiculous and she ought to be fired if that is true. The child saw his mother getting upset and as far as he was concerned, his world fell apart. Like another commenter, I have yet to sit through an entire movie with my child. We are going to try again this summer. You just gotta keep working at it, keep trying new things.
Let me be the “ugly childless adult” here. If I could pay $100 extra to get a child-free flight, I would, every time. I try to choose seats based on whether a child will be seated behind me, kicking the seatback and pulling my hair for 5 hours. You can’t get away from that with noise-cancelling earphones.
This has nothing to do with autism. Maybe some of these children were on the spectrum. EVERY parent, not those with children with autism, needs to work on tactics to keep their child under control on an airplane, bus, or train.
While I’ve seen one or two obnoxious adults in my time, they usually respond well to polite requests or to action by the flight attendant. One guy was pale as a ghost the rest of the flight after the flight attendant told him the POLICE would be waiting at the gate after he threw a drink. Alas, children don’t respond to such tactics. It’s up to their parents to practic tactics to help them, and us, have a pleasant flight.
American’s attitudes towards all children are hideous. I am not surprised to hear this story. We have flown many domestic and international flights, and after a particularly bad experience a few years ago, we made the decision to never fly American again.
there are people who do not understand,and do not care to. i hope for your sake you never have a child with autism. the world does not need to stop and be quiet for people who want to relax and fly in peace, the world needs to stop and be patient with mothers and fathers who wake up,dig deep and find the strength and patience to help these kids through it. just because a child is disabled doesn’t mean that they don’t have the right to experience different things. in fact it is actually more crucial to their development. there are several organizations that send millions of sick and disabled kids to disney every year, how do you think they get there?
I have a 6-year-old daughter with autism who frequently behaves the way the toddler in question did.
We don’t do many “family outings” because of her outbursts. The outings we DO take are carefully planned down to the minute, often involving calling ahead to make sure her needs can be met. We are sure to ask those in charge if they can notify their staff of her disability, and to give them any information needed about autism and what she might need during her visit.
One thing I haven’t read anything about, is any planning on the parents’ part. Did the parents actually CALL the airline in advance and advise them that they would be transporting a disabled person? In my opinion, notifying an airline of a patron’s autism is no different than notifying them of their need for wheelchair accomodations. They’re both recognized disabilities that require special care.
If the parents had contacted the airline about their child’s needs, they most likely would have been given special accomodations, and made the attendants and pilot aware of the issues beforehand.
I understand the anger these parents feel when faced with individuals who are intolerant and, or, ignorant of autism and it’s challenges.
But I firmly believe that the parents who are handed the challenge of raising an autistic child also have the responsibility to exercise communication above and beyond what it expected of other parents.
Good communication, reminding and educating the world about autism, is an intricate part of advocating for our children.
People as a whole are intolerant. If you don’t have kids and are not around them then you tend to get irrate like shut that kid up, if you do you think he must be sick or needs food and may offer assistance. I have a 3 year old who is autistic so far we have not had any problems he is mildly autic but he does like to go he would like to walk around but if we put him in a seat belt he would sit there. hell im adult and don’t like to be restrained to long. But I think that they did not want to accomadate the woman it take time to get settttled and get your things together and she further aggraved the situation by continally touching the child. the seat belt did not have to be that tight and at 2 he just had to be required to buy a seat before you could just let the child sit in your lap with out a seat belt. I think the crying would have settled down after a while and what was the safety issue was he going to get up and attack the stewardess ! it was just handled wrong. And no i don’t thimk people should have to stop seing their relatives that is crazy ! if you have a baby it would be nice if the bathroom was big enough for you to take the child into to change it you have to be a size 2 and take in an infant. with all these rules nexy if your baby spits up and the vomit offends someone you will have to be removed from the plane. or your chewing to loud, game makes to much noise , the person can hear your music from your head phones and the person next to you is 2 fat and they are touching you! we need to stop the maddness
My husband works for American Eagle and to be quite honest I have only flown them once because the little planes scare me. I do fly American Airlines though and at times me sister uses my “buddy passes” to bring her sons to visit (the oldest, Jimmy age 7, is autistic).
Rachel has always been extremely vocal when arriving at the airport about the assistance she will need and to the best of my knowledge has always received it. In fact on one occassion, despite travel dress-code and age limits, Jimmy was put in first class so that he would have more room in his seat.
I see both sides of this issue but I can’t say who was right and who was wrong. How much did she tell the airline about her son’s condition? If she explained up front about her son than shame on American Eagle but if she waited until things had escalated to this point to say something about her situation than shame on her.
If only we lived in a world where we all lived by the Golden Rule!
I have a 2 year old son that has PDD-NOS. In November we have to fly from Italy to Seattle. I read a few of the posts. Hopefully MN and wm you are both sitting in front of my son and I when we have to make this flight. And if he screams his little head off and kicks the back of your seat and rolls around in the floor… good. I hope it drives you completely insane and hopefully you will have the intestional fortitude to turn around and make a comment to me! It takes a lot to raise children on the spectrum and one less thing we need is some inconsiderate person that is ignorant.
This message is for MN—you sure have a lot to say about this issue. What’s the deal with you? You can’t possibly be that selfish, ignorant and pompass can you?
Perhaps you could educate yourself on Autism before you start spouting off about what parents SHOULD or should not be doing. That Mom was doing everything in her power to try to make the flight successful for her child and the others around her. Unfortunately Autism has its own rules……yes everyone deserves consideration …..but so does this Mom deserve not to be judged and ranted against by ignorant people that know nothing about what they are talking about!!!!!
By the way…I am a parent of 2 children with Autism. No one will ever tell me to get off a flight……..get used to that!
Cry me a river, JC. I know a whole lot more than you think.
Just to add to that, JC. Just because your kid has autism doesn’t mean that you have the right to be rude to everyone around you. You are not somehow entitled. That is selfish. People pay to get on a flight and should have the best experience that they can. Again, whether that kid was autistic or not really doesn’t matter. The federal regulations are in place for a reason, and autism is not a free pass to do what you want, nor is it a free pass to ruin the flight of 100+ other people. How selfish, entitled, pompous, and rude. Perhaps people would be more understanding if some of the mothers of autistic children didn’t have puppies over every perceived discrimination.
Those of you who expect the world to change to suit your child are wrong. I know well of what I speak, as I have Aspergers. Not only do I have it, but I am a tenured professor and have been married to the same woman for 25 years, so I suppose I am a success story. I was a strange child and I am a strange adult, however, I also know that it is I who is aberrant. I can not describe how loathsome and unpleasant I find social events that involve people i don’t know well, but I also know normal people enjoy them and if I want to function in society and remain employed I have had to learn to deal with them and function. Much of college, graduate school, my job, and my marriage is based on me recognizing that I am not normal and intellectually working through issues to achieve normal behavior. As a child I was expected to conform to societies’ standards, I did not like it, but I learned to do it. Because of this I have a life that for the most part is worthwhile. Had I been indulged and not expected to conform to that which is normal I would be an unemployed hermit and much worse off. Do not expect the world to meet your child’s needs expect your child to learn to function in the world. You can make the school system do things for your child, they are even trying to force that type of thinking in college now days. But the goal of it all is the job market, and there you are paid based on what you produce and it will not conform to your child they must conform to it, or be left out.