Can Higher Expectations Improve Outcomes for Kids with Autism?
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Until yesterday, neither Dad (nor anyone else in his circle of friends, therapists or doctors) thought he'd ever get back out on the golf course at all. I figured "what the heck - I'll sign him up for a lesson. If it doesn't work out, he's no worse off than he was before."
Who knew his game would be better than ever before, due to improved focus and less concern about powering the ball?
Reflecting on the success of the day, I realized that Dad's experience of lowered expectations (why bother? you'll fail anyway. just keep doing the things you're comfortable with!) had slowed his rehabilitative progress to a crawl. And I realized that it was precisely this issue that pushed us to finally take our 11 year old son with PDD-NOS out of school and try homeschooling.
On a regular basis, when Tom was four, five, and six years old I'd ask his teachers, therapists and aides how he did. Their answers were intended to reassure me: "He did great!" Then would come the zinger (at least from my point of view): "He knows all his numbers and letters!"
Tom knew all his colors, numbers, letters and shapes by the time he was three. Like many children with autism, he was a champion sorter and categorizer. The fact that he could recite them now that he was five or six was hardly an achievement. But somehow, his teachers thought I'd be pleased by their report.
Later, as he was supposed to be building social conversational skills, taking part in complex games at recess, and developing age-appropriate academic skills, we'd hear "He did a good job sharing!"
I'd ask about his academics, his relationships, his anxiety level - and his school "team" would be quick to reassure me that I shouldn't worry too much; that he was doing "great." Administrators wondered why I was worried about academics, and couldn't quite fathom my concern with the fact that a literate ten year old had never been asked to read a book for school.
Of course, even though we're homeschooling him, Tom is still autistic. He still has significant speech issues and a hard time socializing with his peers. But this year we read aloud together - and made our way through eight or nine major novels (Charlotte's Web, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the like). Tommy played clarinet in an advanced jazz band. He learned to do rock climbing, won a bowling trophy, and blew through basic multiplication. As of this spring, Tom has two new favorite expressions: "Of course!" and "I'll give it a try."
Who knew what Tom could do until we asked him to do it?
Who knows what any child can do until they're challenged to try?
Have you been frustrated by the low expectations placed on our kids with autism? How have you helped your child succeed beyond others' dreams?
Comments
I heard all those comments from school when my son was in Early Intervention. One that was real funny was how “great socially he does on the play ground” when in fact he wasn’t playing at all and the more advanced kids were picking on him and my kid of course didn’t know they were. Of course within 4 walls, he was not that ’social’.
I think many fears prohibits my kid from wanting to try new things. He needs a little encouragement and a slight shove in order for him to try new things. Last year he out right refused to go to swimming lessons, claimed he’d rather be dead and fell asleep crying about the whole idea of this. In the land of 10,000 lakes, a new above ground swimming pool and a child who always was attracted to any water in the ditch, I gave him no choice. He needed to learn to swim. Come to find out, death was not better than going and he loved it and cant wait to go back this year. He looks like a little tadpole in the water, a better swimmer than I maybe am.
The deal is, some things don’t need to be pushed. My kid can make a choice to play soccer or not and he chooses not to, I choose not to push for soccer. I just offer showing him the friends he has who plays, try it out and if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to. I do expect great things from my kid, with the exception of knowing some things he just wont be great at, and the fact that he needs to be ‘ready’ for some new things.
and thus the mantra “assume competence” that we live by.
Applause!!!!!! Thank you for your belief in your child!!! That is going to carry him, you are truly the wind beneath his (very capable) wings. I just mentioned to a parent the other day that their daughter will consistently perform at the level they are expected to perform, which was cruel but unfortunately true. Autistic people get confidence, self-esteem and ability from being pushed to be the best they can possibly be. We are no different from anyone else. So, thank you. I hope your son will one day be a great advocate for that style of parenting!
The biggest problem for children is low expectations of achievement. Not just for autistic spectrum, but especially if the child is labeled special ed. When the school told us my daughter- PDD kid at five could not learn to read because she didn’t recognize the lowercase letters of the alphabet, my husband taught her to read in four months, with the help of some regular educational software. The next year they told us she couldn’t do math, so he worked with her, and used computer software- again standard stuff, and she is now mid-level in her math.
School systems have decided that children know best and if the child says I can’t, then don’t bother teaching whatever it is they are avoiding. We feel that when the child is still in elementary school is the time to push them to do some things they avoid, and maybe there will be a breakthrough and they will learn a skill. That old joke is true ” How do you get to Carnegie Hall- practice, practice, practice!”. Schools have given up on skill and drill. It doesn’t work for all kids, but a smattering of different subjects is especially confusing for kids on the spectrum who have trouble jumping from topic to topic and retaining it in working memory.
Because of the large number of people who are homeschooling for other reasons, there are now lots of textbooks and other materials readily available. That also means there is probably a way to meet the other parents who are homeschooling their kids( post a notice at the local library) so that you can get the kids together and actually work on social skills.
I would be interested in further information about how this experiment is going.