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Of course, there are no absolute answers to that question - it depends so much upon the individual child and his needs. But for readers who have teens with AS -
- What kind of educational settings work best for your child?
- Does your child get therapy? If so, what kind, and what's most effective? Have you worked with your school (or on your own) to build career skills?
- Is inclusion with typical peers a plus or a minus?
I think due to his age, asking where he fells he needs help would be a good start. Social skills and general living (career) skills if needed would be a good start. Find the child’s niche and create, if neccesary, a career path unique for their talents. If anxiety is an issue, maybe cognitive behavoural therapy would be helpful. Also meeting with other teens with AS might be something to consider, whether “in real life” or online through a community like wrongplanet.
Good luck on your journey:)
1. Check his nutrition, making sure that he understands why it is important.
2. Read some of the writings of Luke Jackson who is happy to be an ‘Aspie’.
3. Offer him the opportunity to be involved with others who have similar passions.
4. Listen to his words as well as his actions.
5. Be sure that you pick your arguments – will this still matter in 10 years – he will remember, even if you don’t!
6. Sometimes he will need to just be a teenager. Show him how, tell him why, and let him walk to the sound of the drummer he hears.
7. Take pleasure in your time together.
What to do:
Depends on where he feels the pressures are.
Possibilities:
1. I suppose a priority is the bullying. I found it beneficial to ensure that my aspie always knew that the reason the bullies did what they did and that the rest of the kids did nothing to step in was because they could not help it. It was a phase they were going through to be socialised into the pecking order and xe should be glad xe got to miss that step. It isn’t actually necessary for maturity.
2. Modifications to the learning environment. How does the aspie feel about the furniture, the lighting, the noise, the cafeteria? Is there a place to go to avoid all that and get some respite during the day if that’s a real problem?
3. Modifications to the teaching environment. Depends on the aspie but I would think it may be universal that spectrumites have to be in the driver’s seat for learning to occur. No one can do it for them. In fact a lot of assistance could be very detrimental. It’s the socially wired who can learn by watching someone else, not the spectrumites. So give them the goal and let them work out their own way to achieve it with as little assistance as possible. This for my aspie was crucial – and we don’t have the little professor type.
3. Inclusion is necessary, I think but again this is a risk benefit analysis. What sorts of social skill are they likely to learn from that particular environment and I can think of plenty that would be terrible at 14 but with some judicious help, he could survive middle school knowing that these kids will be a lot more mature come high school. You need to be with your peers to learn social skills, but that depends on the sort of peers available. Interest groups tend to foster acceptance for natural skills and since the overall aim is to get some self esteem going, without which the aspie is going to find adulthood impossible, it’s important to get into things where he’s following his talents.
4. People are tremendously draining so if they’ve been in school all day, they’re going to need recovery time. Is there an aspie alive for whom this isn’t true?
I used to *be* a teenage Aspie, in the days before the diagnosis existed, and here are two things that would have really helped me:
1. Life skills, as Diane said. Because I was doing well academically, it was assumed that I would be able to handle “basic” things like grocery shopping, budgeting, cleaning, share housing…
2. Quite a few times I made the most enormous fool of myself publically, screwed up a few career options and I’m jolly lucky to have not been arrested, because my parents assumed I knew what I was doing, what other people would think of it, and what the consequences could be. I didn’t.
first, take the time to realize its a very good thing that you know why some things are difficult. then…
never stop trying to understand what you do not understand about others. doing so is a mistake for anyone
never stop being concerned about the well-being of others. be involved with them and thoughtful of them where you can.
if you’re doing so, stop worrying about ‘fiting in’ (don’t forget to wear clothes
; oddly enough you’ll likely find you ‘fit in’ better if you do.
never use asperger’s as a crutch or as an excuse.
where necessary, be tolerant of others. appreciate those who are tolerant of you (not that that’s ever necessary, right?
.
the world is a wonderful place, filled with wonderful people and wonderful things; know what you see, learn wherever and whatever you can, do difficult things, grow, help.
learn to recognize and accept the goodness in whatever befalls you.
choose to be happy and enjoy your life. it is yours to do so with.
Here is always what I tell folks whose kids have just been diagnosed:
The first thing I would do is educate yourself about everything there is to know about autism. Find a copy of the DSM IV (what most psychologists use in the US to diagnosis autism) and the ICD 10 (which is what is commonly used in Europe). These can be found online.
Those sources will give you an actual baseline description of what the autism spectrum looks like. It is important to note that what is there IS merely a baseline. Many parents and therapists don’t see their children in the disgnosis as given in these publications, but physicians well-versed in autism will know what specifically makes a child autistic as opposed to something else.
The next step is to surf the web sites of the leading researchers in the area of autism. Tony Attwood’s site is number one on my list.
Organizations I tell people to ignore: Autism Speaks and OASIS.
Next you will want to peruse the sites of the most well known autistic authors who will give you an idea about what living with AS is like: Donna Williams is good. Temple Grandin is not.
You will find all sorts of explanations for autism out there, but the Autistic Genome Project in which 137 scientists in over 50 locations in 9 countries around the world pooled their resources to map the autistic genome, has found the specific genes associated with autism, and has consistently ruled out vaccines, parental techniques, environmental toxins, etc., as being the cause of autism. There is usually a “lag time” between when such research is published and when scientists and physicians take these new studies and internalize them. Subsequent peer reviews and studies have affirmed the results, and so more scientists and physicians worldwide are now beginning to see the results of the study as valid.
To date, there is no known cure for autism and so any site or resource you find which offers a cure for autism is pulling your leg. If a cure could be found, every person in North America who have autism would be cured. The CDC to this day affirms and re-affirms that the number of people with autism in the US is 1 in 166. The media reports which claim a 1 in 150 number or particular to a particular area of the US only, and despite the CDCs repreated attempts to warn the media not to sensationalize by using the 1 in 150 figure, the media have ignored the CDC.
More and more people are being diagnosed everyday, and those who have been previously diagnosed have not been “cured” by the offered cures.
Only three therapies have been shown to work for abating the full effects of autism:
1) Cognitive therapy for those autistics who are receptive to input and who can communicate.
2) Intense behavioral intervention – but NOT the kind offered by the Lovass Method version of Applied Behavior Analysis.
3) Animal therapy.
I myself advocate for autistics, most often and specifically those with AS. I have attended many autism conventions, have dealt extensively with the press, have circulated within autism organizations in North America, and am involved in a project which raises funds and awareness for autism. Links to podcasts on autism that I and my colleague put out are linked to in Autism Society of Canada’s newsletters, and I have extensive contact with leading autistics in the autism world. My colleague has twice veen interviewed by Canadian Broadcasting Cooperation for her opinions on autism.
My experience and communication with autistics, most often those with Asperger Syndrome, has taught me that the most effective way you can deal with autistics and see that they become as successful as they can be under the circumstances, is to love them the way they are and assist them in playing to and developing their strengths. By developing their areas of perseverative interests, you will often find that they grow up to have successful careers in those areas. The “success” that they may achieve may not be the fame or fortune that parents would normally hope for, but it may be enough to make ends meet and to ensure their survival.
My experience has been that parents who drag their AS kids around from one quack doctor offering a cure to another have the least favorable results with their children. Aside from the fact that their children are not getting cured, their children are also NOT getting the educational and vocational training they need in the meantime, and the psychological impact of feeling as though they are “rejects” that need to be “cured” lowers self-esteem and stymies the desire to become more outgoing and successful.
Always try to stay on top of the latest research and the latest knowledge. It pays to know more than the teacher knows. It pays to know more than the general practioner knows. It pays to know more than what the average psychiatrist and psychologist knows. If you can know more than they know, you stand a good chance of being able to advocate well for your child. You will save time looking for answers because you already have them. Instead, you can focus on getting what your child needs.
First, be glad that he was diagnosed.
I am an Aspie too, but was not diagnosed until age 30, after my daughter was diagnosed. Having the diagnosis is a comfort, to know that I am as I am because I was built that way – this is the way I’m supposed to be. At 14, I was felt there was something wrong with me. There isn’t. Knowing there isn’t a problem, I’m just a slightly different type of creature, with different strengths, talents and challenges, there’s nothing wrong, I’m just an Aspie – that’s a comfort that I could have used at age 14.
My daughter is 12 and getting ready to go into middle school. She is in a mainstream classroom with some modifications in her IEP to help her address some issues. It is working well for her because we live in an area where diversity is appreciated. Her school celebrates diversity and they work on teaching kids not to bully. I say they work on it, I don’t guess that’s ever perfect because of the nature of kids at that age, but if the teachers and staff actively work to let the kids know it isn’t okay to be a bully – the TEACH tolerance, it is something that must be taught because most of the kids won’t pick it up on their own. If the school setting is supportive and values diversity rather than picking at small differences, then a mainstream school setting can work. It depends on the school. I feel there will be some problems in any school, but if you stay involved with your son’s peers enough to note when there are problems, and make sure your son is in a setting that apprecaites the unique talents he brings to the student body, he will be okay. Your support, and your love for him, count too – not just the reactions of the kids, peers, other people, but yours will matter to him too. Value him, and encourage others to value him too.
On careers, (and life) encourage him to follow his heart.
Parents of special needs kids, those I know (autism spectrum and other needs) know what’s best for their kids because they know their kids better than anyone else. Parent’s of special needs kids have more decisions to make, more stress in navigating through what’s best for their child – yet also face the more critism for whatever educational choices they make for their children from non-special-needs-parents who have no idea. So trust yourself.
I’d like to answer the questions you asked! My advice comes to you as mother of 1 teen w/aspergers and an 11yo with autism and as owner of autism connection in which work with families like ours and with professionals that support us.
1. Educational setting works best: for my son he does well in a grade-level classroom that is made up of non-disabled students and some with an IEP (Individualized Education Plan; don’t have one? Get a hold of me
This class has 2 full-time teachers, work in small groups is done and his work is modified to his ability (on the IEP- don’t go with a verbal “we’ll just do this unofficially”).
2. Therapy: my son did get speech b/c aspergers children can be very literal and have difficulty with socialization skills, reading body language/facial expressions – these are linguistic components that affect socialization and speech may help. He could use Occupational Therapy but is not delayed enough to qualify through our district, so we work on these things at home.
3. Inclusion: I have no desire to begin a hot – debate on this issue, so I will say this: each child is different, each family is different, and I encourage you to make the decisions that are “right” for you – AFTER educating yourself as to your options.
BUT (sorry, has to be one right?)I think that the majority of children with Aspergers Syndrome do benefit from being around non-disabled peers.
My social clubs for teens with aspergers take their interest (yes, that repetitive stereotypical one; like Japanese anime card games) and use that interest to build friendships, activities and social skills. It is Awesome!
Also; you’ll be hearing a lot about social skills, and social programming: let me save you a minute of research.
A meta-analysis of 55 studies on the topic showed (this is a grossly short summation) that pull-out programs and those currently used did not achieve the desired outcomes or have long term effects. Instead, social skills learned in a natural setting, with peers, had the best results. Google it; you’ll find it with ease.
Good luck – last bit of advice: do NOT go on information overload or you’ll stress yourself out! Learn about the disorder, your rights and then worry about becoming an expert on helping YOUR CHILD, not an expert on the disorder.
Have a great, fun-filled summer!
Amber