An "Autism Mom's" Open Letter to Jenny McCarthy
I'm happy that your book is bringing attention to autism. It should be declared a national emergency! But your book also puts it all back into the laps of the already exhausted, unjustly blamed, and discouraged moms, just the way the insane and unqualified Dr. Bettelheim did with his idiotic 'Refrigerator Mother' theory in the '80s. In doing so, Dr. B claimed the right to take a generation of children away from their mothers and subjected those mothers to a lifetime of undeserved guilt. What effect will your words, "you have a timeline to fix your kids" have on THIS generation of mothers?Personally, I agree completely with Julie. Jenny McCarthy and many, many others are intent on getting across the idea parents with children on the autism spectrum are facing a "window of opportunity" that will slam shut at some magical moment. They're convinced that only the "mommy instinct" can help us understand the causes, treatments, and ultimate cures for autism. And they are staunch in their certainty that any mother worth her salt will "fight like a mother lion" for her child's needs - be they doctors' appointments, private educational options, better or different therapists, or even more inclusive communities.
Like Julie, I think this approach places the causes, treatment and ultimate outcomes of autism spectrum disorders squarely - and unjustly - in mothers' laps. Worse, it does so with a sort of mystical sensibility that suggests that we, as mothers, "should just know" what the problem was, how to treat it, and how to overcome it. If we are tired, if we are overwhelmed, if we are broke, or if - heaven forbid - we want a life of our own - it is stated or implied that any negative outcomes are our own fault.
If autism really is a genuine disorder, if it really is caused by some as yet unknown combination of genetics and environmental factors, if every child with autism is different, and if there is no standard for treatment - how in the world could ANY mom "just know" the answers?
If every other disorder out there - from flu to cancer - is paid for by insurance and managed by experts - why should "autism mothers" alone be expected to give up their lives, their livelihood, their health and their sanity?
One of the toughest aspects of parenting a child with autism is the sense of being all alone. But it seems that we, ourselves, are making it worse - by imposing impossible standards and then criticizing those who make choices that are different from our own.
Thanks, Julie, for your very articulate blog!
Comments
One of the toughest aspects of parenting a child with autism is the sense of being all alone. But it seems that we, ourselves, are making it worse - by imposing impossible standards and then criticizing those who make choices that are different from our own.
Couldn’t have said it better….Thanks for this.
Judith
“If every other disorder out there - from flu to cancer - is paid for by insurance and managed by experts - why should “autism mothers” alone be expected to give up their lives, their livelihood, their health and their sanity?”
Because it’s your child. Doctors don’t have much to offer. So if the parents (not just the mom, but the dad too) don’t give it their all, then it is your child that loses.
Did you HAVE to use 2 deadly diseases as examples? There are plenty of non deadly options to choose from, and autism doesnt kill people.
(note that I think Ms McCarthy is a twit. Im just sick of the cancer comparison, it isnt accurate).
I disagree with this post. If the medical community hadn’t done such a terrible job of responding to this epidemic, moms wouldn’t HAVE to be “warriors!” I don’t think Jenny McCarthy’s book is passing judgment on moms at all- she’s just sharing her experience and what worked for her. And that’s an incredible contribution!
It’s a fact- if you want to get treatment for your child, you have to be unbelievably aggressive, persistent, and focused. You have to do the research yourself because most mainstream docs are clueless. Her book has done a world of good for so many people, because it provides a desperately needed roadmap for overwhelmed parents. The sad truth is the medical community,by and large, has FAILED these kids. It’s sadly up to parents to hack their way through the wilderness. Sad but true.
Jenny McCarthy’s book is about a mother trying to heal her son. Nothing more, nothing less. What Jenny did worked for her son and her INTENT (which I think a lot of people are forgetting about) with writing this book is to give other mothers hope. She has never claimed she was a doctor; all she has done was speaking out about what has worked for her and her son. It is so frustrating to sit and listen to people constantly bicker about what Jenny has to say. I think if we spent half as much time trying to find a cure for Autism as we do complaining about who said what, who is doing what, we would have a cure! So listen up people, it is time to ban together and find out why 1 out of 150 children have autism!!!
Melissa - my point is not about Jenny McCarthy. I enjoyed her book, and I’m sure she’s a wonderful mother.
My point is that, by making mothers the focal point of all that has gone wrong and all that could go right - and by suggesting that mothers (a) have magical “mommy instincts” and (b) have no right to have personal needs or wants we are losing the right to be actual human beings.
NO ONE, mommy or not, magically knows what causes, treats, or cures illness. And in my opinion NO ONE, mommy or not, should be expected to become a wholly selfless, saintlike crusader.
If someone CHOOSES to be that person, it’s wonderful. But even Jenny McCarthy, for all her concern about autism, has hardly given up her career or personal life in order to fight for or attend to Evan. And why should she?? She deserves the opportunity to enjoy and benefit from her talents. As do we all!
Lisa
The thing is that you guys all see autism as a disease. So likening it to cancer is not so bad when you treat autism as something that needs to be treated and ultimately cured.
The thing about Moms like Jenny McCarthy is that, like it or not, because of her celebrity status she has a responsibility to the regular Moms. Meaning that she should not apply pressure like a ligature making them feel that they ‘must’ emulate her, and how she loving cured her son. If a child has autism then it can not be cured. And not everyone has the infinite resources and money that someone like Jenny has. No one should be made to feel guilty for not being as fortunate as Jenny. You can remove the toxins, the behaviour and many other parts that go with the condition – please note that I call autism a condition and not a disease – and you can then use your chosen therapies and interventions. You may have some astounding results that raises your child up through the spectrum, so that you can hardly notice the autism, then again you may not. Not every person who has spent their life savings on these therapies and interventions has success. And YES I do know some parents who have not had the success that Jenny and others have had. I know parents who travel to the States and are taught by the ‘experts’ how to deliver these therapies for whom it did not work.
One thing is for sure no one can tell anyone how they should be and what they should be doing with their child. I know some Moms who are devastated by the diagnosis and it takes ‘them’ time to recover. I also know Moms who go on to have another child before finding out that their eldest had autism. How do they devote their ‘all’ to their autistic child then without not being a Mom to their youngest. I will never feel guilty for not spending a fortune on the must have therapies and interventions because I did not have that money to spend. And even without these ‘must have’ cures we have done pretty darn good with our two autistic sons.
PS I just want to add that we really need to be saying that autism is endemic as opposed to an epidemic. Maybe if we see it as such we could really make a difference and improve the quality of life for those who live with the condition, without spending all of the money used on the research going on to wipe it out.
Melissa, “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions!” Dr. Bettelheim had “good intentions!”
I applaud all parents out there who have that natural mother intuition to “just know” what is best for their child, and as a result “cure” their child of autism that some parents are raving about that they have.
I am one of those parents that do not fall into this category, nor do any of my friends..to have that natural instinct, I mean. Both my husband and I, along with our friends must have missed that in our parenting classes. However, we are (and I am sure most parents…moms and dads fall into this category) the parents who fight for our children both with special needs and typical to ensure they get their needs met and will rest only when the best is provided for, for each of our children. We don’t always fight loudly, because sometimes you get more with honey than vinegar, but our love for our children won’t let us quit. Yet, people who write books like this imply that we do not do enough, that somehow we are “settling” for anything less than what is best for our children.
At the end of the day, I try to always keep these questions in my mind to keep things in check…
1) Whatever decision I make today to help our son, is it for the right reasons? Is it to make me look a better parent, or is it to help our son understand the world around him? If ever I answer the first one (and sometimes I do…hey, I am human) I try to self-evaluate because I am truly in the parenting thing for my kids.
2) Remember to ask him how he feels about the “help” he is getting. Yes, I believe our kids do have a voice and opinion, although it’s not always vocalized. Again, is it to make me look a better parent, or is it something that he really wants to learn and/or would benefit him?
That said, we will not quit with teaching him what he needs to know for life until we die. We lose patience with him, sure. We don’t have the thousands of dollars needed for the “best proven” therapies out there, true. But at the end of the day, when both my husband and I lay our heads on our pillows with a smile on our face, knowing we have the great kids we do, and share some special moments that happened throughout the day with them…we both know with every fiber of our being that we are doing something right.
Love is an amazing teacher too, and with the power of love, amazing things can happen, including doing what is best for our kids with autism. Perhaps some people confuse love with intuition, which is easy enough to do. Love keeps you looking for the best help available that you can get your child. You don’t automatically “know” what to look for or do, which is what intuition is…all you do know is that you need to keep looking for the best you can offer your child, which is what love does. It’s love that also gives you the near super-human strength it takes to keep looking, keep going and being the best parent you can be. I know intuitively how to love, and I refuse to let anyone make me feel like I am not doing enough for my child because I don’t have the intuition to know what to do for him. I love myself too much to give anyone that power.
That’s my say anyways.
Cheers
Caroline
I don’t believe that Jenny McCarthy is putting the blame on the mother. Her book tells the story of what a mother goes through along with her child and family when a child is diagnosed on the spectrum. In order to possibly get insurance or some other funding we need to bring the expense of autism as well as the various treatments out to the public. To make light of the “window” is a travesty. I have two boys on the spectrum that have been on dietary and supplement treatments for over 5 years. Having started when they were 3 and 5 years old made a tremendous difference. That being said, the three year made greater strides faster than the 5 year old. Kudos to Jenny for getting people talking about autism and the potential causes. Five plus years ago I found Karyn Seroussi’s book about her son and using the diet and supplements. She is my hero. Jenny’s ideas are not new but the story can never be told too many times. The more parents that speak up about their successes with their children on the spectrum the more attention the insurance companies, schools, doctors will have to pay attention.
I also do not believe that Jenny is putting the blame on mothers. I do feel like she has helped create a road map for people to follow if they would like to chose a bio-medical approach in treating their child’s autism. There are numerouse therapies and avenues to take when approaching autism. She has helped me pinpoint the avenue that we have chosen to take in treating our son with autism. I am fully aware that my son may show tremendous progress through this approach or he may show no progress at all. However, there is no way that I am not going to try and help him reach his full potential, whatever that may be.
I agree with your post. To those who commented on the medical community…I can only say in our situation, that our medical community has been extremely supportive and beneficial. Love your articles, thanks for sharing.
What I appreciated about the book is that she is the first person I have seen truly open about the “other” secondary issues that can come up with Autism….
Cure or not these kids sometimes complain of having ailments/digestive concerns ect…
If it were you or I complaining about them we would be taken seriously…..but ONLY because these people are “autistic” the medical/ins field will frequently not look into their symptoms with depth/deny coverage.
They will tell you this is not “the proven cause of “autism”…
If we complain about the same problems we get treated.Why? Because we are typical and studies show things work for only us!
Autistic people are susceptable to even more secondary issues because of their autism.(Regardless of “cause” of autism)That has been proven.
Jenny helps to make our own battles public….think if SHE had to take out loans what it is like for the average family!
For me that is what seems so bitter sweet about this disorder.
sherri
I think comparing Jenny to Bettelheim is just a tad extreme. Jenny’s book and message is intended to empower moms. The medical/insurance companies offer NOTHING to our children. Jenny is saying that there is, indeed, hope. Parents of children with autism are forced to fight for what our children require. No one else will do that for them. That’s just a fact. Jenny simply stated that which we all already know. What we choose to do now is up to each of us individually.
Instead of pointing fingers, we need to understand that at the end of the day, we are all doing the best we can for our children. Autism is not a one size fits all disease. Everyone’s situation is different, so of course our ways of approaching treatment options will differ. Let’s focus our energy on supporting one another and finding a cure. I have two little boys who have autism. It was my “mommy instinct” and my personal need to solve every riddle that comes my way, that led to me (not a doctor) initially diagnosing my sons’ autism. I can’t afford the fancy treatments therapies, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to effectively interact, play, teach, and love my children (which is the best therapy of all). We have our good days, and or not so good ones, it really doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, I know I am doing the best that I can.
I have a son who is now 13 years old… he was diagnosed with PDD/Autism-NOS at the age of 4. Since, all studies now show that the earlier the diagnosis, the better the child is…. so my son was OLD when first diagnosed. He was put at a 19 month old level and was almost completely nonverbal other than a few words and gibberish. I did not have access to private therapists or private speech sessions or any special “services” due to time (having 3 other children) and financial issues. Even having insurance that covered some of the costs - the copays were impossible to keep up with. I decided that I would be the person that Jenny McCarthy now describes and that is the “lioness mom fighting for her sons life”. I enrolled him in regular PK and was blessed with an amazing woman who allowed him to pace himself into participating at the levels that he felt comfortable with. The continued repition of attending the school was what my son needed to help facilitate that familiarlity and thus created a learning environment that helped him grow. Then in the spring he attended an early childhood intervention program,that is free in our school district, and he was then immersed into schooling almost the entire day. I chose to be the one who was there to take him to school and transport him from one school to the other and then after it was all over - I was the one who picked him up. He stayed there the entire next year and then he began Kindergarten all day in a REGULAR classroom in a REGULAR school. Yes he was in some resource classes and speech just for 2-30 min. sessions weekly. He had a OT session once a week for 30 mins but his day was filled with normal things and normal situations and normal people. We continued to fill it at home with the same “normal” activities. Playing team sports and boyscouts and activities just as his siblings did. I chose to spend my time with him teaching verbally and by example. We chose “things” and “situations” that were a ‘fit’ to his levels so that I wouldnt ‘create’ bad memories. Sometimes I forced the issue of “change” just to help him face the reality.
I know that every child is different, every child with or without autism is so different. What works for one may not work for another but I was determined to follow “my gut instinct” as Jenny talks about and do everything that I could do to help my son achieve the level that I knew he was capable of deep down once we got all the doors unlocked inside his brain. As we become mothers - our one job, our one priority, our one responsibility is to RAISE our children the best way possible. However, each family deems necessary - EVERY way REQUIRES TIME…our time. If our children cannot count on their parents to give them their time and attention — what is that showing them?
I dont know if the term “Healed” is what I would use to describe a child that has been diagnosed with anything on the Austim spectrum— maybe “remission” or just plain “getting better” would be more appropriate…
I can honestly say that my son is now in 7th grade at a regular education middle school and has just been moved up and out of all resource level classes and is now making A’s in REGULAR EDUCATION ON GRADE LEVEL classes. He plays football on the A team and was MVP. He just made the B team for basketball and he is also a 75mph pitcher for a AA select baseball team. He is in advanced choir and was just awarded 8 medals for 4 songs - all of which were Outstanding performance and division 1 awards. But the best thing of all— he has friends and has even has had a girlfriend. He knows he has autism but he also knows that he is going to be okay….
I am well aware and ever so thankful that my son is obviously on the high end of the spectrum now but I sincerely think that the hands on, in your face approach that I chose to take –just as Jenny describes– and along with Gods help, is why my son went from being over 2 years behind developmentally to actually being ON TRACK.
The other mothers who have the children diagnosed need to follow their gut, whatever that is, and do what is right for their child and their family and quit thinking that there is a right or a wrong way to “fix” their child.
I applaud Ms McCarthy for sharing her personal story of triumph. Its hard to do this as a “regular person”, I am sure its equally as hard to do it when you are a celebrity.
Do you have a child with autism? Jenny’s book is about hope AND about what the average doctor won’t tell you. Let me share two very small pieces of my journey with autism.
1. The my son’s Pediatrician and Developmental Pediatrician both said the Gluten Free diet would not work and its plain BS. One actually told me we would be back at McDonalds in 2 weeks! I tried anyway. My child’s behavior imporoved, he began to make eye contact, and started to notice the environment around him.
2. My son like many autistics would chew on everything in site including his sleeves, toys, paper, etc. The government early intervention group suggested we get something called a chewy tube because it’s “more appropriate” to chew and it will help his jaw muscles. I got the chewy tube and he continued chewy everything in site. I read chewy is sometimes cause by yeast overgrowth and/or zinc deficiency in autistics. I gave zinc and probiotics… the chewing stopped. If I were to stop these protocols today by the end of the week he would chew on everything again.
Jenny’s book tells how doing your own investigating and not just listening to the so called professionals can make a difference in your childs life.
Natalie
We have a daughter with autism and a daughter with Down syndrome. There is an amazing discrepancy between the way these diagnoses are treated. With DS, there’s no question, we don’t have to defend her diagnosis, and she gets the supports she needs. With ASD, we are constantly explaining and trying to get her into programs that will benefit her.
And let me tell you - parents dealing with DS have so much more HOPE given to them. No one tries to “cure” our daughter, but give her all the tools to become successful.
I’m glad autism is getting the awareness - but I refuse to believe that my daughter has autism because I didn’t do enough for her. I know better. ANd I think that’s a dangerous message to spread around.
Commenters - Jenny did Not cure her son!!!
Those of you with teenagers on the spectrum know exactly what I mean. And she WILL find out.
I agree.I am SICK of people saying that you can “recover” from autism!Anyone who has a child w/classic autism would aggree.My son has has hippotherapy,OT,PT and speech every week sence he was 2,and though he is doing great(still non-verbal),he is FAR from recovered,he has autism and thats OK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Zzbb7z2WoE
momof3asd My son just watched your video and left a comment for you. Only thing is he missed the D out of different. But I am sure you will understand what he was trying to say.
Moi - yes I fully understand what you are saying
Interesting some of you feel she is playing guilt trip card. In my personal experiences the only time I felt someone was trying to make me feel guilty was when I intrinsically felt it already. Maybe some of you ARENT doing enough with your child/ren. Dietary interventions and other biomedical approaches DO and HAVE benefitted thousands of kids on the spectrum. Maybe its just too hard for you. Assauge your guilt some other way and stop disparaging parents who believe and have seen benefit from it. Maybe if you spent less time trying to defend your choices you’d have more time to try going GFCF and other therapies that take time effort and energy. Signed-
Not a martyr or a selfless mother, just a mom that wanted to see her kid out of continual pain
Any guilt you feel is entirely your own! Do not blame Jenny McCarthy for fighting for her child.
All she has done in her book is present what has worked for her son! She in NO WAY implies that all children with Autism can be cured. She in NO WAY implies that you are a bad parent if you don’t do everything that she did.
Every parent has a right to do whatever they feel will help their children. Some of us do absolutely everything imaginable. Some don’t.
If you are one who doesn’t - don’t blame the parents who do for setting, “impossible standards.” NO ONE HAS SET ANY STANDARDS! We, as parents, share what we have tried, what we have researched, what we have gone through because we genuinely want to help guide other parents and help children.
If YOU INFER from that, that you MUST do all of what we’ve done to be a good parent - then that is YOUR OWN CONSCIENCE talking to you! Not us!
So stop whining and blaming us because you are too “tired, overwhelmed, broke or want a life of your own!” That’s not our fault!
First of all I would suggest that before you criticize the “message” that Jenny is sending - read the book. You will find that she is just providing information regarding what Dr. Rimland and others like him have been saying for decades. Remember Dr. Bernard Rimland? He is the one that debunked the “refrigerator mother” theory.
Also - since when is information sharing considered judgmental - what if nobody had told people about ABA for fear of hurting their feelings. The best information for me on this journey has come from other parents. If there is something that is suggested that I don’t think is right for my child or my family, I don’t do it and I certainly don’t feel judged for making that choice - it’s my child and my decision. SO - take the info or don’t. Also, can’t we celebrate another mother’s success in improving her child’s life - isn’t that what we all want?
I myself am torn between what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to medical problems and a parents responsibility to their child.As a 40 year old parent now,I’m much more “Aware” of my responsibilities to my son and I’m also more involved with the standard of his care, but as a young mother watching my child go thru something that was totally foreign and above my head ,I was LOST!!!! I relied on doctors who were infallible and learning as they went just like me.
It took many mistakes made by doctors and psychiatrist to teach me that I could only rely on myself to make sure MY son was treated right. It was a life lesson and my son suffered because I had not learned this lesson soon enough. The guilt WE feel as parents is never ending, whether it be from medical mistakes or just plain ignorance of the right thing to do. I believe that if a parent truly tries all that they are capable of then they ARE their kids HERO and ultimately the child will be happy and hopefully well adjusted.
My son my dx with ASD one month after Jenny McCarthy’s book came out. We, of course, knew he had ASD, but were waiting for the dx from a psychologist. What Jenny’s book did for me:
1) When I take my child to the park, other mothers are now AWARE of autism and it’s signs, and are now much more patient and accepting of my son. They also ask about when/how I picked up on the signs, and I am no longer the mother of the kid who is uncontrollable!
2) She gave me HOPE!
3) I did NOT take her word as THE word on Autism. I took from her book that I should do my OWN research and should get nothing but the best for my son. And, that’s what I have done.
One last thing. THe “window” is a medically validated point…I CANNOT believe that is a point you are trying to question in McCarthy’s book. I’ve read the book and she does NOT EVER say anything that would suggest that NOTHING can be done for children later…she is just passing on the data of studies that PROVE early intervention is KEY!!!
Natalie, who is your question “do you have a child with autism?” directed to? Are you not reading people’s entire posts and blogs without passing judgement first? THAT’S one of my biggest complaints.
I hear all your comments and feel all your pain, loss, fear, hope,and frustration. sometimes I lay in bed as salted tear trickle down my face, for my son, for myself, for you, for the situation our children and family are unnecessarily thrown into. Every one of us needs to be herd. You see, our burden is not like cancer, for cancer there is a diagnosis, a treatment plan (that’s paid for) a support system set up for you during treatment (even free housing), and an end result: recovery or death, elation or a grieving process. We, as parents of children with autism, are on our own spectrum from elation (a service was funded, a word was spoken, a restful night, hope that the next day will bring us one step closer to the flesh of our flesh, our child)… to grieving (wakeful nights of screaming, self mutalization, no communication, financially and emotionally broken). You see there is no end in sight for us, sometimes we are mad at ourselves and sometimes we are mad at the world around us. We are all on a spectrum…. When a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound if no one is there to hear it. With some many children diagnosed with autism and no answers and no set treatment, I wonder if anyone really hears it.
I wish all of you the best of luck… And remember, on the bad days, you are not crying alone, I’m crying with you. And on the good ones, I’m smiling and saying yeah, way to go!
hey I think it is great that Jeny and many others can”fix” their kids. What about those of us who can’t because of sensory issues and demands the child has put on us. I am a single parent and my son is just like having 3 children. I try my hardest to keep up with him and sometimes it is just fustrating.I just wish jenny mccathy would stop shoving it down our throats how she cured her son! You can’t cure Autism. That is another fustrating thing for those of us whose children can’t detox and be cured like her son. I feel it is ok to share but DON’T push it down our throats we have other things to worry about with our children!
I am happy to see more coverage given to the topic of autism because that works toward our goal of Awareness. Even though we might not all agree on the best approach to take with our kids with autism, at least our discussions are getting the topic out in the spotlight! I have launched a support network for people whose lives are touched by autism: For adults, see www.TheAutismMom.com. And for the kids get their OWN voice at www.TheAutismKids.com. See you there! — Rene, mom to 2 boys with autism
It’s amazing to me how self righteous autism moms can get. I’ve been working with families with special needs kids for a long time now, and I just don’t see moms of children with other disabilities do this to one another. Does telling yourselves you’re doing more that the average mom could or would make you feel like a better mother? Does believing that the people who still “have autism” when they are 10, 20, 30 years old just didn’t eat right when they were 2 make it easier to hold onto hope?
I have two sons with autism and a typical daughter. We have done the diet, the nutritionist, ABA, and on and on and on. My oldest son was diagnosed before the age of two and we did all that when he was first diagnosed.
What is SO amazing to me is that it rarely gets said that even the biomedical community on autism acknowledges that the GFCF diet will not help every child. We saw no difference in our son when we tried it.
That said, if it won’t hurt your child and you have the resources to do it, try whatever you feel you need to for your child. One word of caution though, be careful what you tell yourself to quiet your fears about the future. That “lazy” mom over there who “couldn’t handle” doing what you are doing, might have tried it already, and just doesn’t want to dampen your hope. I mean, hey, maybe it will work for you. Does that make you a better martyr? I mean mom…
For now, we still have two beautiful boys with autism and we did everything we could think of to help them. We will continue to do whatever we can for them. My oldest is 9 and my middle son is 7, and I love them no less because they still have IEPs. I have no guilt and I’m not sorry I tried the things I did. They didn’t cure my sons, but that doesn’t mean they had no value.
I am just tired of listening to know it all moms who’ve been dealing with this for maybe two or three years, shaking their judgmental fingers in the faces of some real “warrior moms” who’ve been dealing with this for decades. Talk to a mother who has an adult child with autism or asbergers living at home. Or are you to afraid too consider that right now?
Wow, this really upset me! You are very ignorant! I read most of the other comments, and # 26 and #4 said it best. You simply have no idea what it is for parents living with autism! Jenny was simply telling her story! I bet if 1000 mother’s wrote about their children’s story, they would all be completely different. The fact that not one child with autism is the same makes it that much harder to try and figure out how to help them. Walk a few days in my shoes and I promise you your thoughts on this whole matter would be different.