Improving Social Thinking in Children with Autism
The answer, according to expert Michelle Garcia Winner, is a lack of social thinking skills.
What are social thinking skills? They're the tools we use, usually unconsciously, to gauge others' interest, manage potentially embarrassing situations, understand what's funny, and so forth.
To illustrate: a friend of mine told me this story. Her 11 year old daughter, who has Asperger syndrome, went to the library. Being an avid reader, she was a regular - but had never actually met the librarian. When she wanted a particular book, her mom urged her to ask for help. The librarian was delighted to oblige. Then she turned to the girl and asked, "And how old are you, dear?" The little girl replied, "I'm eleven! How old are you?"
Of course, the librarian - who had been thinking nothing but good thoughts of this little girl, immediately blushed and turned away. The little girl, upset, asked her mother what she'd done wrong.
She'd done nothing wrong - except break the social conventions that "everyone" knows and understands.
For kids - and adults - with Asperger syndrome and high functioning autism, these are the interactions that make life so difficult. Why in the world SHOULDN'T a child ask an adult her age? Why is it wrong to tell a classmate you love him - in front of ten peers? The answers are incredibly subtle and complex, and as a result they're very tough to teach.
People like Carol Gray (inventor of Social Stories) and Michelle Winner (creator of the Think Social curriculum) are working toward providing tools to actually teach social thinking skills.
Have you or a child you know run up against the lack of social thinking skills? How did you handle it? Can you recommend any resources for helping kids (and adults) manage these subtle cues?
Comments
Recovering a child who was diagnosed “Severely Autistic” would be reward enough for most people, but I got a bonus; I learned a whole lot about myself!!!
I have spent a lifetime on the outside in social situations and the workplace. For years, I came home crying, “Why is it OK for everyone else to be themselves when I am expected to change who I AM?!” “Why don’t people just SAY WHAT THEY MEAN?!” “Why do people ask what I think, if they really don’t want to hear the truth?!”
It took an intensive leadership program (thank you GE Corporate) for me to see myself through other’s eyes. There is nothing quite so painful(or as enlightening) as to have your participation in a business party closely observed, then be debriefed in full regarding your inability to read body language, facial expressions, and other non-verbal clues! Although I did not know there was a syndrome lurking in my life – I certainly did learn to make an effort to appear more “normal” from that day on!!!
Having spent the last six years intensively researching EVERY aspect of Autism, in an attempt to recover my daughter from its clutches, I have discovered some fundamental truths about myself. (And for those of you who’d say “Aha, it IS genetic,” my daughter is adopted…)
1. I have a very difficult time recognizing your face in an unexpected meeting, no matter how well I know you.
2. I do not like to make eye-contact and struggle to make it appear that I am making eye-contact, by making fleeting eye-to-eye connections instead.
3. It takes an incredible amount of conscious effort to stop my thoughts before they escape my mouth; there is no natural governor there!
4. Hugging is reserved for my kids, siblings, and husband; it is not that I don’t care about you, I just don’t like my personal space invaded.
5. Don’t expect me to read “in between the lines.” If you do not have time to listen to me when I appear at your door, don’t tell me to “come on in;” I will.
6. I leave my personal problems at home – if you can’t or don’t, please don’t expect me to spend precious work-time on them; I am happy to listen at lunch or on breaks.
7. I reason at the speed of light, please don’t assume I have not thought of all of the angles just because you move slowly from a through z.
8. Before you hire me, I will tell you exactly what to expect from me (the good and the bad) don’t waste either of our time if you cannot accept me just as I am!
9. I see the trees; long before I consider the forest. In a project schedule and budget, there is no box covering manhours or finance where a “miracle happens here..” Unless the “miracle” is a cash or manhour infusion!!!!!
10. It is nearly impossible for me to find my loved ones in a crowd – the odds of my recognizing anyone else are slim and none!
I spent years trying to understand why any effort I made to join a conversation was rebuffed and I was labeled “school marmish” or “know-it-all” because of my clear articulation and in-depth knowledge of many subject areas.
Now, I can kind of read faces and body language, sort of read between the lines, and I understand that not everyone wants to you join their publicly held conversations; I still don’t get why, though!
My son is 21 and is moderately high functioning. I still groan occasionally when I hear him ask an inappropriate question.
I can’t get the idea across to David that there’s a problem with a grown man asking a perfect stranger – a waitress, for example – if she’s married. Or he’ll just come out and ask the cashier at the grocery store if he or she has seen a movie David happens to be thinking about at the time (it’s not always something current).
He also volunteers inappropriate information like announcing a food he’s allergic to when that has nothing to do with the situation at hand.
I’ve realized he wants to try to have a conversation, but he just doesn’t know how to start it or keep it going.
We’re practicing the right things to say, but it’s hard to explain why some things aren’t right.
Johanna
Puzzle Pieces
“A lack of social thinking skills”
Sounds like a meaningless statement. ie, so all encompassing there’s precious little that could be excluded.
Some rather major ToM issues here, notably that Ms Winner fails to think ordinary – has trouble getting to the mundane. Social skills take practice – ASD folks rarely get a fraction of the practice that other kids get. Think of the number of years it takes for any kid, especially boys, to develop any kind of proficiency. Second and just as important – big assumptions all round that the ways of society are an open book and ASD folks just need the rules. No, they really need the reasons – and they never get those. What they get is some fairytale, which fails to mention – at all – that whereas ASD folks are quite independent (whether they want to be or not), ordinary folks are not. So when square peg meets round hole it will be automatically assumed that the problem lies solely with the ASD kid rather than where it really resides, which is the uneasy fit between a person with genuine autonomy and the network of others in the social equation. It doesn’t occur to ASD folks that they are rarely dealing with individuals, since it’s actually pretty hard to fathom the networks that socially wired folks spend so much time maintaining.
Alyric -
Talk about hitting the nail squarely on the head!!!
You are SO right – not only do we not realize we are not dealing with individuals and can’t fathom the networks that these “socially wired” people “spend so much time maintaining,” but we have no understanding of why these people seem unable to function without their crowd or why they waste so much time gossiping, plotting, and whining together…