Communication Differences Among Autistic People

Some autistic people communicate primarily or only via sign language or augmentative and alternative communication devices, while the majority of autistic people use spoken language. Autistic people's use of spoken language often differs from the way allistic (non-autistic) people communicate.

In some cases, the differences are quite marked. In others, less so.​​ Some differences relate to grammar. In addition, many differences relate not to the selection of correct words but to intonation, eye contact, and body language.

mom and son with autism

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How Autistic Children Are Taught to Converse

Autistic children very often have delayed or non-neurotypical speech. They may recite scripts from television, repeat phrases, or make sounds to either stim or communicate.

Many parents and guardians put their children through speech and behavioral therapy to learn the neurotypical use of spoken language and how to use language to communicate with neurotypical people.

Social skills therapists and coaches also work on speech and conversation skills.

Some of the specific skills they teach include:

  • How to ask and answer a question
  • How to choose relevant topics of conversation
  • How to use and notice body language. 

For example, social skills therapists may teach an autistic person how to recognize sarcasm and humor by watching facial expressions and body positioning. A lot of therapy unfortunately focuses on forcing autistic people to behave in ways that are most palatable to allistic people. Often, the goal is for autistic children to conform, like with forced eye contact therapy, which does a lot of harm to autistic people in the long term.

Why Autistic People Have Difficulty Conversing With Allistic People

The general expectation is for autistic people to communicate like allistic people. This common perspective means that almost all autistic people will be inherently deemed as 'bad at conversation' simply because they communicate differently than allistic people are socialized to expect.

The purpose of communication is to understand and be understood, and the focus on making autistic people conform interrupts their natural ways of communication. Guardians and therapists should focus on giving autistic people the tools to communicate naturally, whether non-verbally or verbally.

Here are some of the communication differences autistic people experience:

  1. A good number of autistic people don't process language in the same way as their allistic peers. As a result, they may take longer to make sense of a statement, craft a response, and then say what's on their mind. Most conversations move rapidly, and thus autistic people are often left behind.
  2. A lot of autistic people have difficulty separating sarcasm and humor from statements of fact. Abstract ideas and idioms are also either tricky or are used more frequently than neurotypical people expect. As a result, autistic people are more likely to miss tone and respond to the literal message. It's important for allistics to either speak literally or explain their meaning or intent to facilitate healthy and accepting conversation with autistic people.
  3. Autistic people often speak with a different rhythm, prosody, speed, and/or volume than neurotypical peers. Thus, even if the words themselves are relevant, they may sound flat, loud, soft, or other ways that allistic people do not expect.
  4. It's not unusual for autistic people to "script" their conversations. In other words, they may borrow phrases from TV, videos, or even social skills groups or social stories. Allistic people also borrow language from media, family, and peers, but autistic people are more likely to be accurate in their repetition. This strategy allows autistic people to respond quickly—but allistic people often shame them and put little energy towards taking them seriously or understanding them.
  5. In some cases, autistic people repeat themselves. So a question like "When are we going to dinner?" can turn into a refrain when the question is asked over and over again in exactly the same way, with precisely the same intonation. This is often an act of stemming by the autistic person.
  6. In the same way as football fanatics, autistic people are often very focused on their particular interests. As a result, they may use conversational tools as a "wedge" to create an opportunity to talk at length about their preferred topic ("Who's your favorite Disney character? Mine is Belle. Belle is French, and she..."). This is fine in some situations, but it can lead to frustration on the part of conversational partners when the autistic person is unable to pick up on cues to switch topics.
  7. Social skills training, while it can be helpful, can also create misunderstandings about how spoken and body language should be used in specific settings. For example, while hand-shakes are appropriate in formal situations they are rarely common within a group of children. Autistic people may have difficulty discerning when and where certain actions are appropriate.
  8. Some social skills are over-emphasized by therapists, leading to odd behaviors. For example, while American neurotypical society expects people to look their conversational partner in the eye for at least a second or two, eyeball-to-eyeball conversations are very uncomfortable for most people and that norm does not translate to other cultures.

Autistic people need more understanding in how they naturally communicate and should not be forced into patterns that make them uncomfortable (ie. looking people in the eye). While therapy can help many autistic people, there needs to be less focus on conforming to allistic standards.

1 Source
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  1. Paul R. Interventions to improve communication in autismChild Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2008;17(4):835–x. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2008.06.011

Additional Reading
  • Ryan, G., Brady, S., Holloway, J., & Lydon, H. (2018). Increasing appropriate conversation skills using a behavioral skills training package for adults with intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Intellectual Disabilitieshttps://doi.org/10.1177/1744629517750744

  • Smart C., Denman K. (2017) Student and Supervisor Experiences of Learning and Teaching Conversation Analysis and Discursive Psychology for Autism Spectrum Disorder Focused Research: A Reflective Approach. In: O'Reilly M., Lester J., Muskett T. (eds) A Practical Guide to Social Interaction Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders. The Language of Mental Health. Palgrave Macmillan, London

Lisa Jo Rudy

By Lisa Jo Rudy
Lisa Jo Rudy, MDiv, is a writer, advocate, author, and consultant specializing in the field of autism.