What Made Me Suspect I Have Asperger Syndrome
I was always socially awkward, made no friends, & was bullied at school. The turning point came at 17 years old. I was misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia - which apparently is common in people with Aspergers. This label stuck a few years, until a specialist nurse therapist mentioned Aspergers. Even then, posed with the suggestion I may have something entirely different with a somewhat similar presentation, professionals including Psychiatrists and Clinical Psychologists still thought I had Schizophrenia. This was no doubt just the old label sticking and also evidence of their Neurotypical Syndrome going into overdrive.
How I Diagnosed Myself
Despite professional input & a suggestion I may have Aspergers by a specialist nurse, I never obtained an official professional diagnosis based on the diagnostic criteria. Even supposed professionals were useless and unable to provide any insightful input. Having been justifiably resistant to the idea I had Schizophrenia, I was somewhat sceptical about the possibility of having Aspergers. I had always considered myself a member of the human race, and despite the obvious difficulties I faced, I thought perhaps many other people face such difficulties and challenges, that these difficulties were normal, that maybe I could overcome some of these difficulties given time and the right opportunities. I wanted to consider myself to be "normal" (whatever that means). I did not want to admit defeat, if I attributed my difficulties to a named condition, then maybe there was little chance of improvement.
I have since been to University and achieved a first class honours degree in Psychology and a pass with merit in Masters. I went through these courses fine, although found giving presentations and group work extremely challenging, but did not try to get out of doing them or avoid them. Now I am at an impasse as I have found getting a job impossible. My difficulties really show in an interview and the interviews go like lead balloons. Despite my good level of educational qualifications I just haven't got anywhere. This led me to re-evaluate whether there is something wrong with me that I can't just change and improve upon myself.
In my opinion the DSM IV diagnostic criteria are not that meaningful. The criteria could potentially apply to someone without Aspergers, someone with a personality disorder, or may seem like quite normal things that should not be of great concern. For example a personality disordered person may not show emotional reciprocity - & "normal" people may have intense interests or hobbies. The key thing that led me to accept the thing that makes me different to everyone else, is that I have Aspergers, was to watch videos made by people with Aspergers on Youtube, describing their difficulties in their own words.
I hope that professionals are more clued up today about what Aspergers is, and more able to identify it and diagnose it. Understanding was somewhat in the early stages when I had contact with services back in 1997-1999. I certainly hope Psychiatrists are not misdiagnosing people who have Aspergers with Schizophrenia over ten years later.
Advice
- The diagnostic criteria aren't all that great! Watch plenty of videos on youtube etc made by people who say they have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. Do you face similar difficulties and challenges to them? Are you forced to deal with your difficulties to try and fit in with the Neurotypical world in a similar way to them? Does it just "click" and make sense all of a sudden?!
- Consider whether you really have had and do have difficulties in day-to-day life. For example - do you have none or few friends? Do you find getting a job/boyfriend/girlfriend that bit more difficult than the next person?
