Tips for Parents New to Autism

Learn About Autism

Educate! Educate yourself, your relatives, and anyone who is around your child. Look at both sides of the story. The first thing I found was an overwhelming assortment of stories detailing the horrors of autism. There are just as many positive stories out there. Look for them and focus on the positive. Read about and listen to people on the autism spectrum. They know more about what it’s like to be autistic than we do. There are numerous websites and forums for autistic individuals. I’ve gotten lots of great advice from them.

Learn About Therapies for Autism While Maintaining a Balanced Life

Learn about different therapies. Know what is being done to your child! Keep in mind that a certain therapy may not work for your child. That is okay, just try something new. Also, don’t make everything therapeutic. If you turn play into work, it will remove the joy from it. Try not to overwhelm you child (and your family, and yourself) with therapies. While therapy may be important, keep in mind that juggling numerous therapy schedules and home life is tedious at best. It cannot rule your life.

Find Help and Advice, and Select What Works for You

When your child is of school age, work with your classroom teachers and your school district special needs representative. A good relationship will go a long way. There is a ton of assistance out there. Most states have chapters of the Autism Society of America, and you can usually get an autism advocate to assist you with decision-making. Also, find out if you have a Disabilities and Special Needs Board. You can get a representative for your child and yourself. Our representative has been a lifesaver when we are overwhelmed or when we have needed an advocate. Just like when you were pregnant, you will be given lots of advice from many different sources. You don’t have to take all the advice. Consider it and follow what you feel is right.

Respect, Love and Learn From Your Child

Respect your child’s boundaries. For example, if your child hates the way fleece feels, don’t force it on them. Put it aside and try again later. Same goes for food and play. Make sure your child knows that you love him or her. Don’t be embarrassed if your child plays differently than the children around her. It is how it is. If a curious parent or child asks, tell them. Autism is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Read Helpful, Inspirational Poems and Books

“Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley sums things up quite nicely and it was a turning point for me after my son’s diagnosis.

One of the best books I read when I was going through the same tough times that you may be right now is called Overcoming Autism by Lynn Koegel and Claire Lazebnik. It is such a practical book and always leaves me feeling encouraged. You don’t have to read it all in one sitting. You can pick out the chapter that applies to your current challenge and take it from there. I can’t tell you how much this book helped me in those first days.

Be Patient; Be Positive

Many kids seem severely autistic at a young age, and then become very high functioning when they grow older. So keep a positive attitude and remember, it takes time. Be patient.

Learn to appreciate and love your child in her quirkiness. It’s like learning a different language, a different culture. You have to respect her as a different human being, and not see everything she does in a negative light.

Don't underestimate what she is capable of doing or understanding. There are several cases of severely autistic people who learned to express their feelings through typing, and blew everyone away with their intelligence.

Be patient and gear up for this long journey. You may be surprised about the good things that will come your way.

Help Your Child Build On Her Strengths and Interests - Not Yours

Ask yourself why it bothers you that she doesn’t want to kiss her doll or prefers to collect toys rather than play with them. Many great researchers started with the same behaviors. Maybe one day she’ll make new discoveries that will wow the world because rather than hanging out with her friends at the mall, or she’ll prefer to collect and classify specimens she finds in the yard playing on her own. You have a great independent mind in her. And so you will help her develop that.

Hire the Best Therapists

You should know that often times the therapist Early Intervention sends over aren’t always the best, but the ones who are available. I’d keep a close eye on their effectiveness, and consider hiring your own.

Consider Changing Your Child's Diet

Food sensitivities can make a tremendous difference in a child’s life… physically, emotionally AND cognitively. Try the GFCF (gluten-free casein-free) diet. Also, many parents who did not experience success with the GFCF diet now swear by SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet).

Give Yourself the Time and Space You Need

Give yourself permission to grieve! You have lost the child you thought you’d have, as surely as if she was here and then died. She didn’t physically die, but your idea of her did. So grieve -- feel bad. It’s OK. At the same time, though, get to know this wonderful new person you received in your “ideal” child’s place. Slowly, over time, your memories of that “other” perfect child you thought you were getting will become more distant and less significant, to be replaced with the wonderful memories you will make. Give yourself permission to take a break from everything on a regular basis. Having someone babysit for you once in awhile so you can do something that’s all you will help decrease your stress.

Love Your Child As He Is

The one most important thing I have learned is to love your child as they are. You must fully accept them the way they are. That feeling of complete acceptance they will receive from you will help them more than anything. Our son has done all the therapies but his progress did not go speeding ahead until I fully accepted him as he was. Then, with a feeling of full acceptance and love, his progress took off. I also was much more at peace.