For Parents New to Autism

Erin, an About.com reader, is the mom of a 20 month-old daughter on the autism spectrum. She's trying hard to help her daughter connect with friends and family, but like many parents new to the autism community, she's feeling alone and overwhelmed. Here's what Erin has to say:

I've recently discovered that my 20 month-old daughter is autistic. It's been a real life nightmare because she doesn't do normal things at all. When someone comes over, let's say uncle, aunt, or grandma, she doesn't acknowledge them, look at them, say hi or anything. She's in this whole other world, zoned out, playing repetitiously with her toys, as if it were choreographed each time she engaged herself in a new project.

Autistic children don't know the meaning of purposeful play. My child swipes away a doll if I try to put it in her face for a kiss. She collects toys rather than play with them. She prefers to play alone, avoiding any contact with other children.

My daughter's name is Cameron, and I can't even write enough about her to explain what my husband and I are going through. I am doing early intervention at my house with specialists twice a week for Cameron. She is my first child and I cry about once a week because of this, and that's a lot considering there are so many other things to stress about these days.

Could it really be as easy as taking out the gluten in her diet? I'll try anything. I really don't know why I was chosen to raise an autistic child. I'm really doing my best and providing her the treatment possible. I don't know what else to do. Help.

Erin, you are not alone. While it may feel overwhelming right now, you are doing a wonderful job. As you get your feet on the ground, here are some suggestions to help you (and parents like you) along:

• Find Support
  Find other parents who are dealing with the same things you are. Many have been there and done that, and will have suggestions for everything from managing family life to starting toilet training. They'll also be willing to listen as you work through some of your feelings. You can find individuals affected by autism right here in the About.com Autism Forum.

• Connect with Your Child
  I recommend reading Engaging Autism, by Stanley I. Greenspan, MD and Serena Wieder, PhD. It offers some very specific ideas about how to play with a child in order to build communication, engagement and play skills. The therapy is called floortime, and it has several pros: it's effective (not on its own, but as one part of your treatment program), fun, and is a great way to rebuild a connection with your child.

• Learn More About Diet and Autism
  You should know that removing gluten from a child's diet will not cure her of autism. That said, special diets do appear to be helpful for many children with autism. Assuming you're careful about your child's nutrition, it may well be worth trying. Most people remove both gluten (wheat) and cassein (dairy) one at a time.

• Think About Schools
  You might want to consider preschool programs for your child as she gets a little older. The right school may be able to help her build play, social, speech and other skills.

It's important to remember yourself, too. Living with a lot of negative feelings, though they are perfectly normal, can make it even harder to manage your child's autism. These articles may help as you sort out your emotions and begin to feel more comfortable with your new role.

• How Can I Overcome My Grief and Anger About My Child's Autism?
• Is It OK To Grieve When a Child Is Diagnosed with Autism?
• How Can I Manage My Feelings About My Child with Autism?
• Top Ten Terrific Traits of Autistic People

These resources are just the tip of the iceberg. But they should give you a good start on your way to building a community of support, and to getter a better sense of what your child needs to thrive and grow on the autism spectrum.