When a parent is coping with autism, there just doesn't seem to be time for siblings' soccer games, social events or favorite outings. In some cases, even siblings' college funds can disappear in support of an intensive therapeutic program. After all, some parents reason, siblings are typically developing and can take care of themselves. A child with autism can't.
Autism, however, is not a medical emergency. It's a way of life. While a child with autism may improve tremendously with appropriate interventions, treatments and supports, those interventions, treatments and supports will be needed (at least) for many years. Unlike a crisis, which is over quickly, autism will go on and on.
What's more, neither children with autism nor anyone else is likely to respond better when their family is in a state of upheaval. In fact, kids with autism are MORE likely to need stability, predictability and harmony than most people. And that goes double for the kids withOUT autism whose lives are suddenly set aside for the needs of a "special" sibling. Not to mention the parents of the child with autism, who may be responding to a child's needs by undermining their own communities, careers, marriages or financial well-being.
Another important point to consider: the fact that a treatment or intervention is expensive or difficult to obtain does not guarantee that it is likely to be particularly effective. Sure, you can spend thousands flying to the clinic of Dr. X for an expensive patented treatment, but you might do just as well driving around the corner to Dr. Y, whose services just happen to be covered under your insurance. Today there are even do-it-yourself therapies such as floortime and some forms of ABA which may quite effective for your child.
If, as some have said, autism is a marathon - and not a sprint - then crisis mode is not the right response to an autism diagnosis. Nor is an attitude of "do anything, sacrifice anything."
While you, your partner and your other children may not be autistic, you, too, have needs. Many have challenges. You and your partner need time to sleep and recharge, money to pay the bills, and positive reinforcement to maintain your emotional stability. Your "typically developing" kids need time, space, support and encouragement to explore their talents, build their resumes, pay for college, and find the job of their dreams.
It's true that autism is a marathon. Like a marathon, the key is to pace yourself... eat and drink right... get the sleep you need... and like a marathon runner, you too may need a little massage, expert coaching or time off now and then.