The Reasons Autistic Children Play Differently

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Autistic children often can't or won't play childhood games that their neurotypical peers do, or may engage in activities that others cannot participate in. This includes lining up toys or putting toys into piles, activities that can cause extreme upset if others try to participate.

This can make things difficult for parents and caregivers trying to arrange playdates or activities for their children. It can even be hard to figure out how to play with your own child.

This article discusses what play looks like for autistic kids and how you can help them develop social and communication skills with certain play therapies.

toddler boy lining up toy cars

Jordan Siemens / Getty Images

What Autistic Play Looks Like

Autistic kids may play differently from other kids. From a young age, they are likely to line toys up, play by themselves, and repeat actions. They're also less likely to engage in games that require make-believe, collaboration, or verbal communication.

Many neurotypical children also line up objects, play alone, or choose certain activities over make-believe. The difference is that neurotypical kids are generally conscious of how others regard their behavior. Autistic children generally do not.

Here are some of the key differences that parents with autistic children commonly note. A child with autism:

  • Will prefer to play alone almost all the time: This can happen even when encouraged to participate in group play.
  • Has an inability or unwillingness to follow the rules of shared play: This may include turn-taking, role-playing, or adhering rules of a sport.
  • May engage in activities that seem purposeless and repetitive: Examples include opening and closing doors, lining up objects, and repeating a phrase from TV.
  • Has an inability or unwillingness to respond verbally to friendly talk from adults or peers.
  • May seem unaware of other children: Examples include wandering through a group who are playing or standing in line.

Types of Play Autistic Kids Engage In

Neurotypical toddlers often engage in solitary play but tend to graduate quickly to partnered or group play (such as playing patty-cake or coloring in the same coloring book). By the time they are 2 or 3 years old, most neurotypical children will start to play together and understand the concept of ownership and sharing.

Autistic toddlers generally do not advance from solitary play and often have difficulty sharing. They engage in activities that only serve the purpose of self-regulating themselves (managing feelings to avoid becoming overwhelmed) or stimulating themselves (a.k.a. "stimming").

Stimming describes repetitive behaviors that help reduce anxiety, relieve discomfort, or avoid sensory overload.

Here are some scenarios that may sound familiar to parents with children on the autism spectrum. A child will:

  • Stand in the yard and toss leaves, sand, or dirt into the air over and over again
  • Complete the same puzzle repeatedly in the same way
  • Stack objects in the same pattern and knock them down (and become upset if someone else knocks them down)
  • Line up toys in the same order again and again

As autistic children grow older, their skills may improve and they may even have the ability to learn the rules of group play. Even so, their behaviors might differ from those of their peers. For example, they may:

  • Focus so intently on rules that they find it hard to accommodate any changes (like changing the number of players)
  • Become obsessive, insisting on playing when others have given up or have turned their attention elsewhere
  • Focus on a specific feature of a game (such as football statistics) rather than the game itself

On the other hand, autistic children are more likely to be amenable to parallel play. This is a kind of play in which kids engage in solitary activities, such as coloring or painting, in the same room.

Parallel play allows an autistic child greater freedom in choosing when to talk and when not to talk. It also allows parents, siblings, and friends to engage and socialize while still respecting the autistic child's needs and boundaries.

Why Play Is Different for Autistic Kids

Play is different for autistic children in three key realms: imitation, symbolic play, and social communication.

Differences With Imitation

Neurotypical children watch how others play and imitate them. For example, if they see another child building with the blocks, they will often imitate that behavior.

By contrast, an autistic child may not even notice that others are playing with blocks and be far less likely to imitate the behavior.

Even so, many autistic children will imitate their peers, family members, or media characters, albeit for another reason known as echolalia.

Echolalia is a type of stimming more often used to communicate needs or feelings unrelated to what is being said. By way of example, a child with autism may repeatedly say "finger-lickin' good" to communicate hunger, repeat what someone has said to acknowledge that they heard them, or repeat the same thing again and again simply to calm themselves.

As such, echolalia is not so much imitation as it is a means to cope or communicate.

Differences With Symbolic Play

"Symbolic play" is another term for pretend play or make-believe. By age 3, most neurotypical children have developed fairly sophisticated tools for pretend play, both alone and with others. They may use toys exactly as designed to "play house" or make up their own pretend play, such as turning a box into a fortress.

Autistic children may not develop pretend play skills without prolonged skills training. While they may enjoy placing toy trains on a track, it has less to do with "playing choo-choo" and more to do with maintaining order and self-regulation.

With that said, children with autism will sometimes create imaginary friends like other kids, albeit for different reasons. Neurotypical kids will often use an imaginary friend to work out emotions and better understand their feelings. Children with autism will do so as a means to better understand how other people feel and communicate in order to get a better grasp of social skills.

Differences in Social Communication

In pretend play and imitation, neurotypical children actively interact and communicate with others verbally or with widely understood physical or facial cues. They also quickly learn how to "read" other people's intentions by picking up on a person's tone and body language.

Autistic children may have little desire or ability to communicate or engage with playmates, especially verbally. Peers may see this behavior as hurtful or may simply ignore the autistic child.

When autistic children do communicate, it may not make sense to the person they are speaking to. This may be due to a form of echolalia called mitigated echolalia in which a memorized phrase (like "finger-lickin' good") has a specific meaning to the child but the context is lost on the person they are speaking to.

Autistic children may also interrupt, speak louder or quicker than expected, or find it hard to give other people a chance to contribute to a conversation. This is due to their inability to recognize other's reactions to their behavior. Without this ability, they may not know how to adjust their tone or engage in interactive communications.

Joint attention is another skill that children with autism often lack. This is when you need to focus on something with another person to achieve a goal. Examples include playing a board game or working on a puzzle together. While these skills can be taught, they may never develop on their own.

Teaching Play Skills

There are several therapies for children with autism that are focused on building play skills. Parents and siblings can participate under the guidance of a therapist or developmental pediatrician.

These include:

  • Floortime method: This is a child-led therapy that involves playing with the child at their level. It is called "floortime" because the parent gets down on the floor with the child to play.
  • Relationship development intervention (RDI): This focuses on activities to encourage social relationships. The main focus is building the parent-child relationship to build core skills like communication and the recognition of emotion.
  • The PLAY Project: This is an early intervention program for children 18 months to 6 years. It involves scheduling intentional play times and regular daily activities so the family can better connect and engage with the child.

It is important to recognize the play skills that your child already has. Play serves a function for each child regardless of what it looks like.

Summary

Autistic children play differently than those who aren't autistic. They often like to repeat actions over and over and line up objects. They usually prefer to play alone and have challenges working on the same task with others. Various types of therapy are available to help autistic kids and their families play together, build relationships, and develop social skills.

13 Sources
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Additional Reading

By Lisa Jo Rudy
Lisa Jo Rudy, MDiv, is a writer, advocate, author, and consultant specializing in the field of autism.