Book Review: The Autism Mom's Survival Guide by Susan Senator

The Autism Mom's Survival Guide by Susan Senator is a wonderful read. It reflects the true experience of autism parents, bravely presenting the painful controversies and issues that crop up when the medical and educational communities fail to provide the support or information needed to make good decisions. It also offers a positive and hopeful perspective on autism parenting, providing ideas for balancing the needs of a child on the autism spectrum with a happy, fulfilled personal and professional life. While it may not be chock full of "actionable" suggestions, it's a satisfying, writerly book - highly recommended.

What's it really like to be an autism mom? Susan Senator offers a real, no-holds-barred answer to the question while also offering parents the tools and permission they need to balance their own needs with those of their autistic child.

The Autism Mom's Survival Guide is one of the few autism-related books I've actually read cover to cover. In part, that's because I was truly curious to know how the author of "Making Peace with Autism" has fared as her son Nat matured. In part, too, it's because the book is a real grabber. While the title suggests a "sunshine and rainbows" perspective on autism, Senator's actual prose is intense, sometimes anguished, with occasional glimpses of poetry. The story of Senator's family, including her relationship with her three sons and her love affair with her husband, Ned, is the stuff of truly gripping memoir.

Another big plus for the book is its very realistic portrayal of what it means to be an autism parent. It's rare that a memoir really mirrors my own experience, but Senator's chapter on "Surviving the Great Autism-Therapy Chase" really did ring true for me. Like Senator (and thousands of other autism moms), I resonated to the feelings of jealousy as other peoples' autistic kids seemed to "overcome" autism and go on to success in typical classrooms. I absolutely understood the need to try everything and anything, since no one could tell us what might help or even cure our child. And I understood why it can be so tough to keep the spark alive when romance is overwhelmed by autism.

Mothers of children with autism may find it reassuring to read that depression, anxiety, frustration and even sexual issues are not uncommon among autism moms. Senator's own experiences, combined with interviews with parents and therapists, help to reassure readers that their own concerns are neither unique nor beyond repair. Her description of letting go of Nat as he has grown to manhood and moved into a group home is on the one hand heart-wrenching and on the other hand reassuring: like all moms, Senator found it tough to let go, but exciting to see her son step into his own personhood.

While the "Survival Guide" is a wonderful read, the truth is that the book really doesn't live up to its title as a guide. Yes, there are hints and tips at the end of many chapters, but they're so general as to be not terribly useful. In fact, readers looking for advice on choosing treatments, writing social stories, or building intimacy with a partner will find only limited recommendations and rather general advice.