Book Review: Parenting Across the Autism Spectrum

Parenting Across the Autism Spectrum: Unexpected Lessons We Have Learned

This 2006 publication by Jessica Kingsley Publishing is a collaboration between two mothers of children on the autism spectrum. Ann Palmer and Maureen Morrell became friends through their children, and their collaboration is nicely presented, interesting to read -- but only somewhat helpful as a guide to managing life with a child on the autism spectrum.

Engaging Voices Help Build a Connection with the Reader

I had intended to skim this book quickly -- but Morrell and Palmer are both engaging writers, and both seem to take pleasure in chronicling not only their lives but their emotions, impressions and regrets. As a result, I wound up spending most of a plane trip engrossed in reading this book and looking for myself in the authors' voices.

Each chapter addresses a different area of life -- "Dealing with Public," "Advocating for Our Children," and so forth. And, as each author takes a different journey, it's interesting to follow along. Morrell, who is coping with a much more profoundly disabled child, presents herself as a traditional Catholic -- complete with the values and guilt that go along with that heritage. Palmer, whose son has Asperger Syndrome (and is now in college), is a pragmatist who works energetically to turn lemons to lemonade.

A Woman's Book

This book is written by women, but more importantly it is clearly written FOR women. In fact, although both women mention and describe their husbands, neither man seems to play a significant role. The authors' reflections are very much on what it means to be a mother, a wife, and the primary caregiver/advocate for a child with special needs. Although this is Ann Palmer's second book (the first was Realizing the College Dream with Autism or Asperger Syndrome), she presents herself not as a person with a career -- but as a mother and wife.

It's interesting to note that, given the differences between them, the authors are unlikely ever to have met if it hadn't been for their children with autism. Both seem to feel that their relationships with other mothers of autistic children were critical in keeping them sane through the ups and downs of diagnosis, grieving, and working out the changes that autism brings.

A Tale of Two Autisms

Parenting Across the Autism Spectrum is shorthand for "parenting two very, very different children." And there's no doubt that Justin and Eric are as far apart on the spectrum as they could be. On the one hand, this is a terrific way to present the complexity of "the autism spectrum" -- and the very different issues that parents must address. On the other hand, it makes it a bit difficult to see how similar "lessons" are really useful across the spectrum.

Justin is truly disabled; his autism is self-evident to everyone around him. Eric is a young man with significant abilities who is, in many circumstances, able to "pass" as typical. Justin is living in a farm-based group home; Eric is graduating from college. Justin's issues include aggression and severely compromised language skills; Eric's issues are more sensory and organizational.

To a certain degree, this book brings up the question -- is there really an autism spectrum? Or has the medical establishment actually conflated several very different disorders that happen to have one or two elements in common? As with headaches, which may have many different causes, "social and communication deficits" may turn out to be caused by many different things -- from food intolerances to unusual brain structures! Certainly, the remarkable differences between Justin and Eric do a great job of spotlighting the breadth of the autism spectrum.

A Moderately Useful Handbook

Parenting Across the Spectrum is presented as a guidebook for parents, and indeed each chapter incorporates and ends with advice from the authors. Unfortunately, there are some issues with the handbook aspect of this book.

First of all, Eric and Justin are now grown men, which means they grew up in an era before autism "exploded." Thus, advice about how to manage schools is somewhat outdated. Schools generally have a good deal of information and training available to them (whether they choose to avail themselves of that information and training is another issue). Ten years ago there were no autism support classrooms or appropriate day schools for autistic children; today there are many.

Secondly, much of the advice is more philosophical than it is useful. Aphorisms like "adolescence isn't all bad," "friends can be lifesavers," and so forth sound lovely, but don't translate into useful tools for action. Even when advice is practical in nature ("be an ambassador for your child") I, at least, found it difficult to translate Ann and Maureen's experiences and suggestions into my own circumstances.