Thanks to commenter Jazel for this wise statement:
We must be careful not to have the "fairy godmother" syndrome - by doing everything for our kids and not letting them make their mistakes and in so doing learn from them. Yes, it's tough, but it does pay huge dividends.
This is a tough piece of advice to follow - especially in these times when "helicopter" parents seem to do everything for their typically developing children, let alone their children with delays and disabilities. But I agree wholeheartedly with Jazel's assessment.
In fact, one of the reasons we pulled our son out of public school was because of the lowered expectations placed on kids with autism. Every "I can't," every anxious wince, every meltdown, was rewarded with fewer and fewer demands.
Finally, by the middle of October of our son Tom's second grade year, Tom had achieved precisely what was easiest for him: his 1:1 had withdrawn him from art, music, gym, and all mainstreamed classes - and sat alone with him in a classroom rather than support him in a challenging environment.
Of course, it's easier - and often pleasanter - to allow our children with autism to simply opt out of challenging situations. And sometimes there's really no choice: as we all know, for example, melt downs and airplanes make a poor combination.
But just as often, I've found, working up to challenges is extraordinarily rewarding. Little by little, Tom has learned not only to handle being in a gym with mom or dad (at the Y) - he's also learned to CATCH a ball rather than run from it. He's even learned to dribble and shoot a basketball. Now, he's a part of a homeschool gym program with 13 kids. And while he's no athlete,
he's out there having fun, and occasionally actually making a basket!
Bottom line: don't allow your love for your child and your intuitive protectiveness to undermine your child's potential. The only way to know how far your child can succeed is to offer challenges and opportunities, and allow him - occasionally - to fail.
An unsurprising finding was recently announced in
the London Times, confirming what most members of the autism community already know: autism, math, music and memory appear to be linked. According to the article:
Some people with autism have amazed experts with their outstanding memories, mathematical skills or musical talent. Now scientists have found that the genes thought to cause autism may also confer mathematical, musical and other skills on people without the condition.
The finding has emerged from a study of autism among 378 Cambridge University students, which found the condition was up to seven times more common among mathematicians than students in other disciplines. It was also five times more common in the siblings of mathematicians.
While this finding doesn't really qualify as "new" in the usual sense of the word, it is a nice confirmation that autism really does have its "up" sides. In fact, according to some, Asperger syndrome may actually account for the extraordinary contributions of such geniuses as Einstein, Mozart, and Galileo!
So far, no one has actually identified the "genius" gene. But if there really is one - what a find it will be! Not only will it help to improve society's perception of autism, but it may also support better educational approaches, higher expectations, and improved self-esteem among people with autism. It may also be one more reason to question the idea that most autism is caused by environmental injury rather than heredity.
In fact, as research into the causes and significance of autism continues, it seems clearer and clearer to me that there are at least several completely different disorders now bunched together under the same "spectrum" umbrella. Inherited traits, such as mathematical genius and social awkwardness seem to describe only one form of "autism." Other forms seem to include a completely separate set of symptoms, ranging from loss of communication skills to physical illness, sensitivities to certain foods, and more.
I guess you could say we're living in interesting times....
