Is Your Spouse Autistic?
Monday May 29, 2006
What's it like to live with a spouse on the autism spectrum? If nothing else, it's complex! One reader asks for advice on how to manage her husband's new diagnosis -- and how to cope with the reality that autism, with all its challenges, will not go away. Drs. Bob Naseef and Cindy Ariel, family psychologists and editors of "Voices From the Spectrum," offer advice and insights.
Are you married to someone on the autism spectrum? Or are you an adult with autism who is working to make a marriage successful? What are your challenges, rewards, and best advice? Comment here!
Comments
I am 53, my autistic ‘friend’ is 28…I adore him beyond words. We have had a ‘relationship’ as of Oct., 2 yrs. I live in a small town and a few “friends” have remarked our relationship is not “normal”.
It has nothing to do with our ages, but a few think because I love a person with a brain disorder I am ignorant, and my love is a pervert. My man is the most wonderful being I have met on God’s green earth. He is a high-functioning autistic man. He isn’t always verbal, but is always a kind loving person. What do they know, anyway?…Jules
I think you should date and marry someone of your same mental capacity. I have a daughter that has high functioning autism and that is what I would want for her - other wise you will be thinking for that person all the time. Stay with someone you are intellectually compatible with.
What if you suspect your husband has autism, but both him and his family choose to deny it??? Our first son,by the way, is autistic. How do you deal with this situation??
My oldest son is 15 and is high-functioning autistic. His doctor thinks that my husband also is autistic. My son behaves better and has more sense than his dad does.
My oldest son is 15 and has high-functioning autism. His doctor thinks that my husband also is autistic. My son behaves better and has more sense than his dad does.I am about to give up on my marriage.
KE: My youngest son, age nine is high functioning with autisim. I believe his father is either an ADD adult or has Asperger Syndrome. My husband’s life is chaotic to say the least.
My autistic child, on the other hand, usually behaves better and has more sense than his father. I beleive the difference is that my child has and is receiving help (early intervention) with his issues and his father has not. Therefore, the difference in actions/reactions.
People who are autistic can be successfully married. It takes an
agreement between spouses to always ask for what you need. Autistic people won’t see what the other spouse needs, but they aren’t mean people, so if you have clear expectations, they are often happy to meet the Non-autistic spouses requests.
Example, I need you to help with household chores, specify which ones and with what frequency.
If you want more displays of affection, tell him it makes me happy with our relationship when you give me compliments, about how I look, or keep house, what ever you want a compliment about.
They will not guess what you need.
The routine once practiced is what they will offer.
Autistic spouses do need down time, privacy… Build it into your routines!!!
They tend to be very monogamous and hard working, there are many more difficult types of spouses.
Wow, be careful with the arguement that individuals disgnosed with autism should date others diagnosed with autism…should people with bipolar only date other bipolar individuals? That is a slippery slope that leads to isolation, segregation, and exclusion. Many people who are autistic have fewer challenges than some of us “normal” people do, they have merely been labeled. Should someone who graduated college refuse to date someone who has only a high school degree because they are at different “intellectual levels”? As long as there is no incapacity to make rational judgement, no one should be able to tell someone whom they can and cannot have a relationship with. And as far as “thinking for someone”, they may bring an entirely different way of looking at the world and provide some perspective that was not previously thought of. You are selling your daughter very, very short. I am very alarmed at this line of thinking, hopefully the thought was just taken out of context or not thought out entirely. We need to support inclusion in people’s lives, not exclusion and segregation! CHOICE!!!
B those tips are very helpful. The more I read about autism and esp. Asperger’s the more convinced I am that both my husband and I are on the spectrum, as is our 3yo son. B’s tips are right on and speak to exactly the troubles that tend to arise in our relationships.
i have one 8 y.o. son w/aspergers and a 5y.o.son w/autism and a husband that toatlly denies any issues and will not seek a dx or professional opinion. i think he has aspergers (at least) possibly bipolar comorbid. I think i am going to have to take the kids, + the other 3 nt kids and leave…
having a spouse on the spectrum is beyond tolerance sometimes. i feel like the nurse, in one flew over the cucoos nest.
I understand both positions when it comes to having relationships. I have a friend who married a man with high-functioning autism and in spite of a lot of work, he just could not meet her needs for intimacy and communication. It wasn’t that she was being intolerant, and he wasn’t being mean, but they were truly a mismatch. She couldn’t go on not feeling enough connection, feeling that he couldn’t relate to her spouse.
On the other hand, I know a young woman who is so far doing very well dating a man with high-functioning autism. It could be that she has fewer needs for conversing and emphasizing, or he is more able to communicate in a neurotypical fashion — I don’t know. But I know that it doesn’t always work, and we have to acknowledge it.
And for the record, with neurotypicals, some differences don’t always work out either. Sometimes it doesn’t work for someone very intellectual to marry someone who isn’t — but sometimes it does.
I just wanted to agree with everything that Quentin said. I am the mother of a 3 year old daughter with high functioning autism. It is my goal to help her become the person she is meant to be, and give her all the help she needs in the roadblocks that life may offer her. To say she should only date someone who is exactly the same as her? That is a slippery slope, where do you draw the line?
I know plenty of “neuro-typicals” seemingly matched with thieir neuro-typical other half. They struggle equally and undenyingbly with that other partner too.
Marry who you love and who loves you. See a therapist when you reach the point of “…I think its over”. And, not blame intellect or autism for the truth of where we are.
You got this far in the relationship. Apparently, there was something that brought you this far. If it was a mistake, take ownership and movce on.
I’ve really enjoyed reading the comments. We have a 4 year old who was diagnosed a few months ago with ASD (Aspbergers). We are now having our 10 year old who also had several developmental delays and is two grade levels behind and is extremly withdrawn, immature for his age and has frequent emotional meltdowns. I suspect also that my husband is on the spectrum, but he thinks I’m nuts. I also, have a hard time connecting to him emotionally. I always thought it was because he was an only child. But he is very much a loner, has selfesteem issue, doesn’t do the hygiene thing unless I say something. He doesn’t like to socialize and totally doesn’t get the whole social misses social thing. I wonder if he should be checked, but wonder what would be the benefit of knowing? Would it change things? Any one out there diagnosed late in life and can share how it has impacted them. My husband is 45 and very high functioning, he extremly brillant with his hands and can fix anything.
Laura
My wife FINALLY got through to me last night. I’m 52 and I believe I have AS(and ADD). Our 8 year old son was diagnosed at age 3 with AS. My neglect, detachment and unconsciousness has reaped an enormous toll on my family especially my wife of 25 years. I don’t know if it’s all too late but at least I’m on the track now seeking support on the web and through professionals specifically for AS.
Thank you to those who understand that marrying someone you love is what matters. My husband of six years has high functionong autism. He is sweet, kind and intelligent. Do we have problems? Yes we have problems but I want to know what marriage
is perfect. The great things about my husband is that he has taught me so much. He shares things like his love for geography. Also he is creative and funny. He may not be able to do the small talk thing like others but I know my husband loves me and and is dedicated to our life together. I only wish people were not so judgemental on things they don’t understand.
I wish there were people out that we could get suppport from instead of comments like “autistic should marry thier own kind.” I am a person and so is my husband and our love for each other can match up against anyone anytime.
I tend to believe that if an AS person marries a non AS individual, it needs to be a caretaker type relationship and/or a neurotypical with a huge background in ASD who knows exactly what he/she is getting into.
It seems right to say marry who you love. But, some things take a long time to sink in. After fifteen years of struggling through what seemed like difficult but typical marital issues, my sons were diagnosed and I re-examined my marriage to their obviously AS father. As I look back I see our experiences were not truly shared - we were both there, but our perception was so radically different they weren’t actually shared. It’s looking back and seeing you were alone all along, and, the real kicker, it isn’t going to change. I appreciated also the comment you will have to do their thinking for them. God, that gets old. Like all humans, things we can “live with” at the beginning turn into oh my God what was I thinking after about ten or so years. In that respect, marrying someone you are “in love with” is only realistic if you have a lot a lot a LOT of information going in. Things are not what they seem, and fifteen years and two high maintenance kids into it, there’s no good answer.
Possible ASP husband. Can there be sexual abuse of children by someone with ASP?
Needing answers…
I completely agree with Felicia. Love means a lot when you get married, but it’s not enough. I also have a son with AS + ADHD and have realized that his father is classic AS. I have always been the “supervisor” for all of us and now I’m being told that I’m neglecting my “gifted” daughter. I tried as long as I could, but for me, it was just too much. My full-time job in the software idustry is a piece of cake compared to my family life! I do, however, agree with all the suggestions listed here - if you can manage to get the other person to cooperate.
It was great to read about being married to an autistic person. my son has been recently diagnosed, high functioning. After reading about other people’s experiences with regard to their spouses, I am now even more convinced that my husband is autistic. He is a great guy. Loves his kids a lot, but extremely antisocial. He has no friends. His time is pent at the office and at home. we go out a lot as a family, but is not in favour of having other people arround him. he discouraged me from my friends, now I hardly ever spend time with friends. It can be frustrating but you kind of get used to it.
If anyone married to an autistic would like to communicate I am very much willing.
Regards,
Bettina
Thanks Bettina. Like I already posted I am okay with my husband having high functioning autism. I think it is what you are looking for in a relationship. I know and hear about plenty of so called “normal” people who have some major maritial problems. My point is, it is not always just about the disorder but about other issues as well. And I am sorry for those whose relationships are not happy right now. There are some of us who are very happy.
I wrote the comments on lines 4 & 5. My husband has told me he hates people, has no use for them, and doesn’t want to be around them. I am completely the opposite. I feel isolated from the world.
this is mind-blowing. cassville.amissouri.com
Hmmm…..how do they differentiate between a border line personality disorder & autism or aspergers?
After 18 yrs of marriage and now having 2 children diagnosed with HFA,I now know why I have been so lonely in our marriage.It truly is a caretaker’s position and although he is helpful around the house,I still guide him thru life,I am a glorified babysitter.He is a terrific man, but you can only give for so long.He works for us fulltime but has no knowledge of what is involved with raising and teaching our kids on a daily basis,he cannot even remember the doctor’s names or the teacher’s and aide?I feel shorthanded.Getting very tired.
My marriage broke up some time ago. I have just been reading about AS. No one told me. Here were my feelings:
Is there nothing he likes about me? He never says.
Why is he mentally removing himself from this relationship for hours/days?
What does it mean when he communicates that he loves me and wishes I would go away? How can I work with that?
In twenty years, he complimented me twice. Was there nothing nice about me?
Now I am just wondering if he had AS.He needed routine, hated change, would leave visitors to go prune the apple tree. He told me shortly after we bought our first home that we could never have more than one visitor at a time.
It is important for me to know, even now, because I could stop feeling like a failure, stop being angry if it is true.
My boyfriend is 20 years old and he has just been told that he has AS. This is a huge break through considering he went through his entire life not knowing why he was so different. He is an incredible person, extremely intelligent and caring. Sure he says things sometimes that are awkward and he has a terrible temper but i feel as though knowing he has aspberger’s has brought a new life where he considered ending his own. I think people with asperger’s (along with autism) are some of the most beautiful people in the world. My boyfriend claims he can’t read facial expressions but i’ve noticed lately that he will ask me whats wrong if i am upset and trying to hide my emotions…it is very surprising. I feel as though he can learn so much and just hope he never gives up as he was close to doing before he found out he has aspberger’s.
curious to know what kind of obesessions your aspies are interested in?!?
stay strong
I have a child with Autism and I suspect my spouse is on the spectrum. He can talk for hours about computers or the solar system but can’t stay on topic when others are speaking. He tunes out and acts disinterested when the conversation goes outside his “interest” comfort zone. Friends will come over and I can’t get him to look up from his computer to acknowledge them. I am very outgoing, and his chilly response to our famiy and friends really bothers me. I would agree that it is so difficult for an emotionally driven person to be married to someone who is so detached. However, I believe there is someone out there for everyone. My spouse is a good person, very smart, talented and a great parent. In all truth, just not right for me. My advice, really get to know a person before marrying them. It your life, but they deserve to be happy too.
oh,how did this happen?!! I am one of those people just a hair short of being a know-it-all.It seemed I had the perfect spouse,a great listener, super-smart (he couldtell me the names of the constellations,mounain ranges,the habits of skinks and skunks and all manner of biodiverse trivia. It was so fun,simulating! And he never seemed to get mad at me or be possessive or insist on doing things his way. In fact,he didn’t have many opinions at all. I feellike a fool because he must have been suffering—wasn’t he? Trying to keep up with me and my quick witted family and friends. He hid it well. We thought he was quirky, a bit of a loner but brilliant. He made good money too. When he did comment it was so offbeat it was uproarious! Only now do I venture to see that he didn’t mean it that way…I jut did not want to see it. Our kids are fine,they have oddities for sure but I think I willed a couple of them out of it. They are accomplished young adults, like their dad once was. their cousins were not as lucky with autism ,aspergers and the like. Now that I admit it, that my husband is likely asd, will it be worse–will he stop trying to keep up?
I have a son who is diagnosed with HFA and I believe I also have HFA. I’m getting diagnosed shortly. Being married to an NT is very difficult. We have many hiccups in our relationship because I see things very differently. Dealing with our son is easy because we as parents want the best for him, but dealing with a spouse after only recently finding out about the diagnosis can be very hard. There are so many things that we do differently and see differently. Specifically when it comes to the ability to express ourselves emotionally. This poses a huge problem for my wife. I love her deeply and wish i had the capacity to show it so much more.
I’ll be a little more blunt then most people here about the comment of dating someone of your own mental capacity. Firstly, it has nothing to do with mental capacity! A lot of us have a much higher mental capacity then a lot of NTs.
Do we have difficulties with certain things? Sure! But that doesn’t give anyone the right to tell us who we can and can not love. There are many successful relationship with people who are Autistic and don’t even know it. So careful how you treat us and careful not to put us in a labeled box. You’ll find a lot of us will retaliate and rebel against that.
http://isnt.autistics.org/dsn.html
Just for some perspective on how we see the NTs.
I think my husband (33) of four years has autism. He became quite depressed last year and began couseling. And the doctor thinks he might have mild autism becuase he can’t identify emotion or choose the correct faces for the correct emotion on a worksheet. I (27) have thought this about him for some time too and last night I finally said something about it and he told me what the Dr. said. My family have commented on the fact that he constantly asks me if I’m okay and I always think ‘Why is he asking me if I’m okay? Can’t he tell if I’m happy, sad etc.’ But he can’t.
So what do I do now? I feel really sad. I am worried about having children with him (we have no kids now). Our marriage has been such hard work to this point but I am in love with him. I just feel alone as I echo many on this forum’s points about lack of friends. I am also emotionally exhausted. Any comforting or constructive advice would be most useful.
I am nowing leaving with my boyfriend who has mild ASD. He is very smart and sweet in his own way. He does not talk much and can at times be emotionly detached. He has not said I love you once. He does not see a need for the pharse. Is that typely. He does not even like to say good nite.
At the same time he can read me like a book and is very caring but in very logicly way.
Love means accepting people for who they are, whether it be nurotypical(NT) or on the autistic spectrum. I have spent alot of time with people from all mental perspectives and I have learned just as much if not more from the autistic people in my life as I have from the NT.
Yes it is important to make sure your needs are met as well as your partners, but you shouldn’t take autistic people’s or anyone’s behavior as a personal attack. When conflict arises stop and ask yourself what is really at the root of the problem and how can it be sovled. I know this is easier said than done, but I can’t tell you how many times my issues with my spouse could have been more effectively managed had I stopped and took a breath and relooked over the situation.
We are all pieces of God’s perfect design and we must remember no one’s thought processes are superior to anyone elses. It takes all types of people to make this world work and we should embrace them all. My heart goes out to all those struggling in thier releshonships with thier spouses. I encourage to become as educated as you can about autism and encourage your partner to do the same about you. We all have to embrace and care for each other.
I just discovered that my husband and 2 sons (2.5 yrs and 4.5 yrs) are all autistic after speaking to a psychologist. The suffering I have gone thru for the past 9.5 yrs is like a nightmare. I am horribly lonely. I am also verbally abused by his parents (while he just stand and watch and tell lie and doing nothing) until they finally disown me. He demands for my money and that I cannot stop work even when I hurt my back and wrist after childbirth. He is completely heartless and ruthless. I am living in hell…
Somebody help me…….I’m online dating this wonderful AS man for the past six months. He’s the sweetest & most delightful man I’ve ever met…..but his inaccessibility and lack of awareness of what time it even is….is driving me a little nuts.
I’ve had some success just bluntly & honestly asking for what I want….about 50 percent of the time. But the other 50 percent, he just totally forgets even if he said yes.
The other day, I asked if we could meet online a little earlier in the evening, we’ve been doing it at a time convenient to him for months & I have my busy life too…….and he said, “I don’t want to waste the best hours of the evening socializing.” “Waste”?
Gee, thanks 
But then he turns around and says the most dazzlingly loving things.
soooo sad. and lonely. been dating him long distance for almost a year. spent the summer at his place…the loneliest time of my life. now i understand. i’m not sure what to do. it all makes sense now. he is moving here…i need answers…i need to talk to him. he only suspects he has some degree of autism - he is a special ed teacher. this is tough. the only time i’ve seen him has emotion is over his son. is this normal? more emotion to one’s child even if displaying none for any one else?
#26 and others-
I too suspect my spouse has a high functioning A.S. disorder. He is very intelligent and seems nothing but normal to anyone else.
I have struggled with the lack of affection, lack of insight into my feelings, need for routine, need for down time without me, need for routine in his job… Etc…
I noticed when we were dating that he did not “infer” my needs from the situation.
I love him more than life itself. He is my everything.
But, as another said you cannot assume they will just get the clue about what you need. No clues here. But, He is kind and recognizes his weaknesses. Can he fix them? No.
Will I mention I suspect this? No. What would be the point? We have a high functioing Asperger’s child. He has not figured it out. It would only hurt his feelings.
He is my world. I will just work with him like I do my sweet teen aged child.
I choose to learn about it and look for support annonymously when I need it.
Marianne
I am going into my second year of marriage to an aspie woman. She operates at a high level, but sometimes can suddenly become emotionally unavailable and uncommunicative for days. If often wonder “what’s wrong with me?, why am I so depressed? am I going crazy?” It is hard when you realize that she doesn’t understand how I feel, she never will understand it, and she doesn’t even understand why you would attempt it.
Unlike many aspies, she is great in social settings where she can make small talk. But I have never been able to have a satisfactory conversation about our relationship and how it makes me feel. My feelings are not logical to her, so she cannot see my point of view. When she is warm and inviting our marriage is great. When she withdraws it is the loneliest relationship I have ever had.
Sex is another problem. She doesn’t like it nearly as often as I do. She tries to go along, but sometimes she is so not in the mood that she grimmaces (which is difficult to my male ego).
I know she would never hurt me, but she does all the time. I try to develop thick skin, but if feels like it is getting thinner every day. I don’t know if we are going to make it. But I do know that I will never have the realionship I want with her. Most women would want a man who is open, communicative, engaging and willing to work on the relationship. With her those are all detriments. She often says “I with you were less interactive.” Makes me fell unworthy.
I have been reading this and want to scream. I am a social, fun loving professional woman with a daughter who has the same love of life. After my 3 year old son was diagnosed on the spectrum, I now have put together the anti-social, sensory issues and extreme disengagement in my husband and want to shutter! I am exhausted taking care of my extended family, my immediate family and my own business… I have nothing left and cannot take the verbal abuse and isolation any more. I want to take my kids and get my life back!
# 39 If you just realized what is the cause of your frustration, take a break. Take a vacation, go to a spa, got to women’s gathering, go to the wine country. Do something just for yourself; give your self credit and time. Then see if you have the energy to approach the situation with more awareness. I did not know what was happening for many years. Knowing makes it easier because you can apply some tools, but it will always take patience and flexibility and the realization that you have exactions. Some you can get met some you wont. It wont be predictable but you will know what you’re dealing with and find will creative ways to get responses and will learn acceptance from when you don’t. Being honest seemed to be my best stress releief if at times I could only be so with my self. An Asperger’s person seems to a able to take honesty in spurts with time to rest, but things may need repitition , maybe for ever. Just knowing this can help you not feel reactive.
I know the exhaustion, and with child and husband it is almost unthinkable. You have find ways to rest your body and mind and don’t feel one once of guilt over it.
#38 - I feel your pain.
- Was she depressed before you met her “because she had been treated badly before” ?
- Did you think that if you treated her well, “she would be happy?”
- Did she accidently became pregnant?
- Does she blame you for things which you feel are unreasonable.
- Does she wail “I want a divorce” when she has her dark days?
- Does she fail to get dressed at weekends so you can never go out together until the afternoon (then its too late to do anything)?
- Does she obsess about things e.g. how the house can be improved?
After many years and 2 children (2nd autistic), I fell really unhappy.
At the time I thought I had to do the right thing and marry as “it could get better” but I was wrong. Boy what a mistake, I don’t love the woman, she doesn’t love me and the stress over the last 10 years has affected my health.
Unfortunately, my wife has terrible “control” issues. I can’t drive a car without her ordering what speed to go at and reminding ne about the dangers ahead. At times I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Why don’t I leave? The kids I guess. Why do I write this? Because if anyone is at the begining of a relationship (no kids) with a woman who fits the trends above, then be warned, it will never get better.
I’m sitting here crying my eyes out with such pain and RELIEF!!! So happy I found this board. He loves me. He can state it he just can’t show it. It doesn’t help that I am emotionally needy. He is brilliant, earns well and functions adequately in social situations. His family, my family and friends have always said that he is quirky, unique and awkwardly humorous. People see him for the genius that he is and he is really a wonderful person…except for his inability to emotionally connect, the hygiene issues and the aversion he has to openly getting professional help with dealing with his Autism. It feels so much better to have knowledge of his disorder than to think that I was getting worse. I suffer from depression and anxiety and as a result low self-esteem. I know the benefits of proper medical attention…I want this help for my husband as well. I’m a newlywed…I am so lonely…I love him so much…thank you for this board. I have been praying…hurting…searching.
Wow…I am amazed to have found this page…but I am also concerned that my boyfriend, diagnosed with PDD years ago, isn’t really on the spectrum. He is extremely loving and doting towards me, and is always very careful to see that my emotional needs are met. I feel like I’m on a pedestal, and this is the first time in my life that my self-esteem is soaring. The only thing that makes me feeling lonely is my family’s disapproval of him as a mate for me. They liked my previous husband, who was a nearotypical who couldn’t communicate, made me feel worthless, and was very selfish and antisocial, and wouldn’t dare try to work on our relationship. My boyfriend is the most caring and sensitive person I have ever met in my life…and believe it or not, we were in love at first sight. There was something amazing between us. We have also had our share of problems over the last five years. Sometimes I have trouble following his patterns of speech, but am well able to decipher now. He speaks and thinks beautifully. He did ALOT of quirky things, and he won’t drive (???) I have three children, two of which are twins diagnosed with Autism, and he is WONDERFUL with them…better than anyone else has ever tried to be. He is emotionally available…sometimes to the point that I almost suffocate a little. He gets extremely goofy when he is excited, and we argue over stupid things because I don’t understand is meaning…and we end up going around in circles. Let’s not mention the crazy=attire. He is an athlete who hikes everywhere, and wears all sorts of gear…EVERYWHERE. He also is a healthnut who won’t put anything impure in his body. He has helped me to overcome a lot of health issues just by altering my diet. He is also my computer repair person and my personal administrator, and my masseur (beautiful massages on a regular basis), and he is very sexual, although we have chosen to wait until we are married. When we learned to flow with each other, things just slowly panned out. I think we are blessed to have such a deep and strong love. Because we know that we are soulmates, living without each other is not an option. We are literally unified. Though we have had major fights, the love we shared was so strong that our anger and frustration dissipates easily. God bless all of you, and thank you for sharing!!!
Hello All…I did forget to mention a few thingsthat tend to really drive me nuts about my beuatiful soulmate. Sometimes, when I ask him a question, he pauses for a loooooooooooong time before answering. Sometimes I forget what we were discussing and I end up moving to a different topic. Other times, I can’t get a word in to save my life!! And the things he says are often so profound, yet other times he tells the silliest goofiest little jokes, and just talks about little “nothings” all day. I am an analyzer who talks for long periods of time, and then needs to be quiet for long periods of time…He does the same thing, so it works most of the time. ALSO~There was an incident in which he needed to urinate, but the downstairs potty had a little leak. Well, he couldn’t make it to the upstairs potty, so he peed in a cup. In his hurry to help out with getting the kids on the bus, he left the cup on the table next to a bottle of Motts Apple Juice. How crazy is that? I know you’re thinking, “That’s just one mistake,”…Well, he did it again, shortly after that. And this isn’t the only thing…I could keep going forever…but thise things don’t matter much to me. As time passes, these things become fewer, anyway, and the more I notice that I have totally failed to address my own very quirky behaviors and mistakes. One thing he doesn’t do anymore go nuts if I get upset. Actually I have learned to be “less” upset, too. He accepts his different way of thinking, but not as making him “less” than anyone else mentally. I think he is VERY in touch and enlightened. I do wish that he didn’t talk so close to peoples faces during conversations. I said, before that I thought that maybe he isn’t on the spectrum after all, but now that I have begun listing some characteristics, there’s no doubt about it. I think I may be also. I would be proud, if I were! A teacher I used to work with believes that EVERYONE is on the spectrum, ha ha! If it were discovered that that were the case, then we would have to develop a whole new gauge for assessing human behavior
HELP PLEASE!!! I have been married for 10 months and I suspect my husband has a high form of Autism. I didn’t realize it until approximately two months before the wedding. I am about to go nuts! I have guide our relationship and that’s not what I expected in marriage. It goes from pick up your clothes, honey help me clean up, honey can you fix the bed, honey can we do something together. He has no sense of my feelings or emotional state. I can put on a nice face, then when I blow up, he’s surprised, even if I have been saying how I feel all along. I mentioned the posibility of AS and he denies it. He said he thinks he possibly has Attention Deficit. Similar stories as others, I have to repeat myself all the time. When he is having a good day, where he is completely aware, he gets upset when I repeat myself but it’s possible I had not figured out yet, it was one of his good days. On other days, I can see in his eyes when he is emotionally disconnected from the world. I really need help, I think I can feel my blood flowing through my veins, my nervous system is shot. I am trying exercise to stay sane. PLEASE HELP!!!!
I was born with full Autism and Dyslexia and managed to excell in Banking, I found out when my spouse had our 1st child, once i solved some physics i could put the subjects together and relate to people better but it is a work in progress I’m 32
What a relief! I am so happy to have found this board. My daughter and I have been struggling to understand her step-father, my husband, for the last 7 years. This sheds light on what I have been suspecting for a while now. I can probably have MUCH more patience with him, now that I know the background of his actions. I will have many questions, comments, and encouragements, whenever I can get on here…but for now i would like to know from any men out there on the spectrum…do you have issues with inititating sexual contact with the woman you love?
Thanks everyone!
Angel