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Married: With Autism! Is Your Spouse on the Spectrum?

By September 19, 2011

Back in 2006, I wrote a blog post asking for insights into marriage and autism.  The blog's title was "Is Your Spouse Autistic?"

Every week now, it seems, I get another comment or two on that very old blog post.  It's obviously a topic that hits a nerve.  And while a number of books have come out on the topic of marriage and Asperger syndrome, I get the feeling that most people need a place to vent more than a book of advice.

With that in mind, I thought I'd renew my invitation to discuss the topic of autism and marriage.  Are you married and autistic?   Or married to an autistic spouse?  Share your thoughts, ideas, suggestions or frustrations!  You might also be interested in these related articles:

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September 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm
(1) outoutout says:

What about “partnered and autistic”? We are a same-sex couple who have been together for almost 7 years. I am on the spectrum and my partner is NT. We are also raising 2 autistic children.

I really don’t think you can pigeonhole the “experience” because it’s soooooo different depending on the people in the relationship. That said, it probably takes a very special person to be in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum. I know my partner has had to adjust communication styles and expectations for me… and I for her. We do what we need to do to make things work.

I look forward to what others might say!

September 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm
(2) Malia says:

While I’m not married to a person with autism nor is he married to a person with autism, the genetic theories would suggest that one or both of us has some autistic-like tendencies. We’ve been happily married for many years. We’ve always done whatever we needed to do to make it work… and I also think that’s a key element nomatter who one is married to.

One of my sibling’s children is married to a person with autism and is quite happy. Whether or not it’s working because of any genetic tendencies towards autism that might run in the family or just because they love each other so much, I really can’t say. Hopefully, it lasts.

September 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm
(3) Nancy says:

I have a 14 year old son with autism. Thank you for your posts about happily married couples who have autism (or autism-like tendancies) in the mix. It makes me hopeful for my son.

September 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm
(4) Marc Rosen - Coeditor of Perspectives: Poetry Concerning Autism and Other Disabilities says:

While marriage/lifetime partnership can be problematic for ANYONE, the pitfalls for marrying an autistic are really the same ones as any marriage. By those, I mean communication, accepting that not everything can, will, or even SHOULD be 50/50 (one of you simply might not be able to give 50, and it would be harmful to force it, as long as both of you are giving what you’re able), getting past the honeymoon stage, and accepting the drudgeries of married life. At least 50% of all first marriages fail within the first year, and if you check for the percentage that fail in total, it’d be much higher. Autism has nothing to do with it, other than being the excuse some couples blame their failures on.

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