Ilene Krom says: "I'm a very happily married Stay At Home Mom with 3 children and a dog; Daniel is 6 and Rachel and Simon are 4. Having twins was, to put it mildly, a surprise (especially when Daniel was so young), but Rachel and Simon are wonderful additions to our family and we wouldn't have it any other way.
Parenting is a challenge in ways I never anticipated. My life has become living proof that, in many ways, things often don't turn out as planned (which is not necessarily a bad thing). In 2009, both of the twins were diagnosed with "severe autism" and we address whatever challenges that may arise to help them grow. It's another story nearly every day as to how they are doing as we take things day-by-day.
I blog regularly about our foray into "the autism world".....
I'm a "Twin Mom". I'm an "Autism Mom". But mostly, I'm simply "Mom".
I have 3 amazing children. My eldest child is 6 years old and is exactly what you would expect from a 6 year old boy. He's athletic. He's charismatic. He's bright. He has many friends and likes to do so many different things. Just before his first birthday (he's an April baby), we started seeing efforts to promote Autism awareness. As diligent parents, we watched these segments and try to determine if our perfect son showed any of the warning signs. In all cases, he was the absolute opposite. So we just figured that we would never be touched by autism. So, we had more children. Boy, were we ever wrong.
When he was 21 months old, we had a set of girl/boy twins. When the twins were 2 years old, we started to realize we had a problem. My daughter never smiled or laughed. My son would spin for extended periods of time, or push the same buttons on his toys over and over and over again. Neither of them were talking or showing any interest in learning to communicate with others. It was this that frightened me the most. Without language, how could they learn? So, that's when we began to investigate. Little did I know what we were about to discover. When they were 26 months old, a developmental pediatrician informed me that they were both "on the spectrum". At the time I had no idea what she meant. Every day I learned more and more about what that phrase really means.
They both have Autism. Classic Autism, to be precise. And, per the report we received when they were about 30 months old, Classic Autism, Severe. I spent the next 6 months walking around telling people they had "Severe Autism", not to elicit pity or to try to excuse their actions, but to try to force the reality of that diagnosis through that thick bone guarding my brain. I was trying to convince myself that if you could say it, you could believe it. And until I could believe it, I couldn't do what was necessary to help them. I was just going through the motions. By saying it, I figured EVENTUALLY the idea would get through.
Since then, I think I have learned to cope with their diagnosis. We've tried various techniques to reach them and to teach them to communicate. Some have been more successful than others. The twins are now 4. They are still not like they're older brother. They aren't social. They don't really "play" the way a typical child would play. They would rather be by themselves. They would rather spend all day playing on the computer or watching a train go around a track for 20-30 minutes without a break. They would rather sit with a book. They are extremely intelligent (we suspect they can both read and we know they are both capable of manipulating numbers). They are both verbal, albeit considerably delayed. Instead of behaving like their 4 year old selves, my daughter is more like a 3 year old and her twin brother is more like a 2.5 year old, and that difference between their chronological age and behavioral age continues to grow larger. We don't know when (or if) their developmental and chronological age will ever be the same. In short, despite of their improvements, they both still have Autism.
Our lives are made up of a series of routines. We have weekday and weekend morning routines. We have routines for waiting for the school bus. We have routines for picking up kindergarten kids from school. We have routines for mealtimes. We have routines for activities. We have routines for bedtime. You've heard the phase, "There's an 'App' for that!"? Well, our lives are "There's a routine for that!"
We never know what is coming next. That's the scariest part of parenting a child with a disability. We see where they are, and we remember where they've been. We may see improvements, we may not. But we never know what will come tomorrow. Will it be a breakthrough? Will it be a regression? Will it be a good day or a bad day? Anything is possible.
And we hope. We want our children to be healthy, happy and live independent lives. As "Mom", that's my job. To teach my children the skills they need to go out into this world to make their own way. That's the job I signed on to do. For big brother, he wants that too. As he continues to grow, he will continue to assert his independence and will prepare to make his way into the world to (hopefully) succeed in any endeavor he chooses for himself. For the twins, it's not so easy. At age 4, we don't know what their capabilities are. We don't know whether they will be able to function in school, much less the world, without help from others. For now, we do what we must. They are both enrolled in preschool programs designed to address their individual needs, and they are both growing every day. As they age, we hope that this will continue. We hope that they will succeed in school and will make friends that will help them navigate the world that we inhabit. And we hope that they will be able to find happiness, to live their lives, and to embrace the beautiful people that they truly are.
