How to Help an Autistic Child Calm Down

Techniques for avoiding and managing meltdowns

Autistic children often face behavior challenges. Even autistic children with lower support needs can have an "autistic meltdown" in situations that would be only mildly challenging to a neurotypical peer.

A meltdown is an intense response to an overwhelming situation that leads someone to lose control of their behavior. An autistic meltdown is bigger, more emotional, longer-lasting, and more difficult to manage than a typical temper tantrum.

These meltdowns may be caused by a reaction to physical or emotional stress. Autistic children may be more susceptible to meltdowns than children without autism because they often struggle more with control of emotions. In addition, they can have sensory differences and communication difficulties.

Children with intense autism traits can get upset on a daily basis. Meltdowns can make it hard to participate in everyday activities or, in extreme cases, even leave the house. It's not always easy to calm an autistic child, but there are techniques that can help.

This article explores some of the tools and techniques used to manage or prevent meltdowns in autistic children. It also looks at the causes and signs of a meltdown to help you recognize and deal with them more effectively and with less anxiety.

how to calm a child with autism

Illustration by Brianna Gilmartin for Verywell Health

What Is a Meltdown?

An autistic meltdown is an intense response to physical or emotional stress without any particular agenda. An autistic person may simply be expressing feelings of excitement, frustration, or anxiety. They might also be responding to sensory assaults (meaning the overload of sensations).

Things that can trigger a meltdown include:

  • Sensory overload: a child is sensitive to sound, touch, taste, smell, visuals, or movements
  • Changes in the daily routine or an unexpected change
  • Anxiety
  • Communication difficulties

There are underlying factors that contribute to meltdowns and similar emotional responses. The behaviors are based on limitations seen in most autistic children, including:

  • Difficulty understanding social norms and conventions
  • Trouble following or using spoken language
  • Difficulty following or using non-verbal communication
  • Unawareness of others' likely reactions to behaviors
  • Sensory challenges that can get in the way of positive behaviors
  • Lack of social motivation or the desire for social acceptance

The reality is that autistic children generally have less control over their emotions than other children. As a result, emotional outbursts are more common.

Autistic children are prone to outbursts and emotional responses because they generally have difficulty understanding social norms, non-verbal communication, and the reaction of others to their behavior.

Early Warning Signs of a Meltdown

It is not always easy for a parent or guardian of an autistic child to predict or even recognize situations that may cause a meltdown.

Early warning signs are often related to meltdown triggers, such as:

  • Strong odors, such as the smell of fresh paint, or even pleasant ones like a Thanksgiving turkey
  • Visual stimuli like flickering fluorescent lights at the grocery store
  • Very loud noises, such as fireworks or the backfire of a car
  • Changes to routine, such as a detour on the way to school

With that said, a child may react differently to the same situation from one day to the next. A trigger that sets off a meltdown on Tuesday may be entirely ignored on Thursday.

Similarly, a child may respond differently to the same stimuli in different environments. For example, a crowded mall may be too much for a child, but a crowded movie theater may not be (particularly if it is playing a movie they are looking forward to).

A meltdown in an autistic child is usually not a "tantrum" but rather a reaction to physical or emotional stress. Triggers include loud noises, strong smells, changes in environment or routine, and other stimuli that cause a sensory overload.

What to Do Before a Meltdown

Avoiding, managing, or planning for meltdowns can only go so far. A better solution is to help the child learn how to calm their own emotions.

There are some techniques that, while not fail-proof, can make a big difference. Many are related to sensory integration therapy, a form of play therapy that aims to "train" the brain how to react to touch, sound, sight, and movement.

There are several things you can do to prepare for a child's meltdown:

  • Have a game plan: If your child is easily overwhelmed, have a game plan ready so that you and your child know what to do when anxiety strikes. This may involve counting to 10, walking away, deep breathing, watching a calming video, or reading a comforting book.
  • Get sensory toys: You can buy sensory toys, but less costly options include soft "squeezy" balls, hobby clay, fidget toys, and other things that provide a tactile or sensory outlet.
  • Get an indoor or outdoor swing or trampoline: These are often great ways for autistic kids to get the sensory input needed to self-regulate. Small indoor versions are often available through toy stores. There is no need to buy a special "sensory" swing.
  • Get a weighted vest or blanket: For some children, these heavy items can provide a feeling of security. This can also make it easier to manage the sensory assaults at school and other gathering places.
  • Buy "chewy" tops for pencils and pens: For some autistic children, being allowed to chew can be enough to overcome stressful episodes.
  • Explore guided meditation techniques: Not all autistic children are able to practice meditation, but many can benefit from learning mindfulness and guided breathing techniques.
  • Get a family pet: Pets have a calming effect on autistic children. In fact, some autistic children rely on them as service or emotional support pets.

An autistic child can learn to calm themselves by being taught what to do when anxiety strikes. Provide the child with tools to self-soothe, such as sensory toys, calming books or videos, weighted blankets, a swing set, or even a pet.

What to Do During a Meltdown

Even the most vigilant parent or guardian will be faced with the occasional meltdown from their autistic child. When that happens, the following tips may help:

  • Recognize the signs: Autistic children will often show signs of distress before they have a meltdown. Be cognizant of changes in your child's demeanor, and ask them what they are feeling if something doesn't feel right.
  • Check for any changes in the environment: This may involve things as simple as closing a door, turning off a light, or turning down the music.
  • Give the child space: If your child is in no danger of harming themselves, give them space to calm down on their own. Stay nearby to ensure they remain safe but avoid crowding them or trying to "make things right."
  • Keep self-soothing tools nearby: If you're away from home, be sure to have your child's favorite sensory toy, weighted blanket, video, or book close at hand.
  • Stay calm: The first step to teaching your child how to manage their own feelings is to stay calm yourself.

If a child has a meltdown, provide them with a sensory toy or other self-soothing tools. Check for changes in the environment that may have triggered the meltdown. Give your child space to bring their emotions under control by themselves.

Here is what not to do during a meltdown:

  • Do not shame the child: Screaming "act your age" has no impact on a child who doesn't connect with age-appropriate behavior.
  • Avoid reasoning or arguing: Even an autistic child with low support needs will find it impossible to have a rational conversation in the middle of a meltdown.
  • Avoid threatening the child: This will either be ignored, make you angrier, or escalate the situation.
  • Do not leave your child alone: You can give your child space but don't leave them. Autistic children can have a tough time understanding danger in the best of situations. Keep close enough so they know that you are there.
  • Don't let someone else handle the situation: Even with the best of intentions, the majority of adults have no clue how to manage an upset autistic child. Step in and take charge.

As a parent, the best thing you can do during a meltdown is to keep calm. Do not punish or threaten the child, or throw up your hands and leave. Doing so may escalate the situation.

What to Do After a Meltdown

Immediately after a meltdown, your child may feel exhausted. Things you can do to help a child recover from a meltdown include:

  • Give your child time and space to regroup.
  • Provide a calming and familiar activity to do, such as reading a book or touching a sensory object.
  • Spend some time with the family pet.
  • Play their favorite music.
  • If language and developmental ability allow, set aside time later when you're both calm to talk about what happened.
  • Try to determine if there were new triggers or a combination of triggers.

Coping Strategies

In moments of stress, it can be hard to remember that autistic children are different from their typical peers. It is unlikely they are "acting out" or intentionally being "naughty" to upset you.

If you’re struggling to manage your child's behavior, a good first step is talking with your child’s healthcare provider. They can suggest therapy and support that can help your child build skills to manage emotions and help support you and your child’s emotional development.

Summary

Meltdowns are common in many autistic children. They are usually not "tantrums" but a response to stressful situations that overwhelm them. Meltdowns often occur due to sensory overload or triggers like loud sounds, strong smells, or changes in routine or environment.

Preparation is key if an autistic child is prone to meltdown. Find sensory tools that can comfort a child at times of stress. These may include squeezy toys, weighted blankets, a calming video or book, a swing set, or even a pet. If a meltdown occurs, allow your child the time and space to calm themselves down and learn to self-regulate.

Don't try to shame, blame, or threaten a child during a meltdown. The outburst may be beyond the emotional comprehension of the child and only serve to make the situation worse.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • What triggers an autism meltdown?

    A meltdown is caused when a stressor exceeds the person’s ability to self-regulate emotions. For an autistic person, this can be caused by anything from a change in a routine to sensory overload. Common sensory triggers can include: 

    • Bright lights or sun in their eyes 
    • Crowded areas
    • Feeling too hot or too cold
    • Loud, sudden, or unpredictable noises
    • Strong smells
    • Uncomfortable clothing, socks, or shoes
  • Why does my autistic child have a tantrum at the grocery store?

    The grocery store can be a sensory nightmare for autistic people. It has all the ingredients for a meltdown: fluorescent lighting, noisy crowds, food smells, and unpredictability. Keep in mind, however, that a meltdown is not the same as a tantrum. A tantrum occurs when a child is trying to get something they want or need, like a toy or candy in the checkout aisle. A meltdown occurs when a child is overwhelmed by their surroundings.

  • Is there a way to prevent an autistic meltdown?

    Sometimes, but not all the time. It helps to recognize and anticipate your child's triggers. If your child shows early warning signs of a meltdown, remove the trigger or remove them from the environment. For example, if the grocery store is triggering, avoid going at busy times and bring a comforting item, like a blanket or stuffed animal. A cloth or face mask with a few drops of lavender essential oil or another pleasant scent can help prevent meltdowns from strong smells.

  • How can I help my autistic child when they are having a meltdown?

    The most important thing you can do when your autistic child is having a meltdown is to stay calm. Try to assess the situation to determine if there is a specific trigger to the meltdown. Is it too hot or cold, too bright, or too loud? Are there strong smells? If you are in public, try to remove the child to a calmer location such as the car. Provide them with a calming item, like a favorite blanket or stuffed animal.

    Some autistic people need space to calm down, while others may prefer to be hugged tightly or have their back or arms rubbed.

    Once you figure out your child's triggers and the techniques that help calm your child, it will become easier to prevent meltdowns and help your child to recover faster from them.

3 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. National Autistic Society. Meltdowns.

  2. Mazefsky CA, Herrington J, Siegel M, et al. The role of emotion regulation in autism spectrum disorderJ Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2013;52(7):679-88. doi:10.1016/j.jaac.2013.05.006

  3. Pfeiffer BA, Koenig K, Kinnealey M, Sheppard M, Henderson L. Effectiveness of sensory integration interventions in children with autism spectrum disorders: a pilot studyAm J Occup Ther. 2011;65(1):76-85. doi:10.5014/ajot.2011.09205

Lisa Jo Rudy

By Lisa Jo Rudy
Lisa Jo Rudy, MDiv, is a writer, advocate, author, and consultant specializing in the field of autism.