This fall, we begin our fourth year of homeschooling our now-fourteen-year-old son with high functioning autism. Homeschooling has been a good choice for us, at least as a temporary measure (we are debating the pros and cons of high school!), but one of the tougher aspects has been combating the prevalent myth that homeschooling means zero socialization.
Every time we explain that we homeschool, we hear from at least one concerned parent or teacher -
"But how can he learn to socialize if he's all alone?"
"Public school is such a great place to learn to make friends!"
"Don't you worry that he won't develop social skills?
In fact, however, Tom's public school experience was far more isolating than homeschool. Here's why.
In public school, Tom was in an "autism only" class with nine boys, none of whom could act as role models and all of whom lived in other school districts (he was in a county-based program, not a local district program). In homeschool, Tom can take homeschool-oriented classes or get involved with a wide range of activities with local, typical peers.
In public school, Tom's therapies were often scheduled to conflict with social and/or important but non-academic experiences such as music, art, gym and recess. In homeschool, we can schedule around inclusive, non-academic experiences. Even better, we can carefully select the inclusive, non-academic experiences so that our son can meet kids with similar talents and passions and learn to work in a group (through band, homeschool gym and collaborative projects).
In public school, the educational emphasis was on building "typical" learning and social skills so that our son could learn through verbal presentations and express himself through speaking and writing. In homeschool, while we work on those skills, we can also allow and encourage our son to learn and express himself through observation of the natural world, through drawing, music, construction and more. What this means is that Tom can show off his achievements in a setting where he gains genuine respect (on the stage, at a "geography fair," etc.).
At public school, kids like our son are often strangers to the typical students, popping in and out of specific classes "as they are able." Worse, they are often the targets of bullying. Recess and gym, when at least some typical kids are able to socialize freely, are the most difficult times of all for our kids. When things aren't working well, it can take months to make a change. In homeschool, we can pick and choose the settings where Tom interacts with typical peers - so that he has a reasonable shot at connecting in a positive way. If things aren't working well, we can make a change on a dime.
In public school, kids learn to interact with kids their own age - and with authority figures. The expectations change constantly, as peers age and demands increase. In homeschool, our son learns to interact with community members of all ages. As a result, he gains skills -- at the library, the grocery store, the local theater, the local conservatory, the birding club, the museums -- which will last him a lifetime.
There's a lot more to be said about the pros of homeschooling - and the reasons why homeschooling can actually improve social skills. As I've mentioned, we may make a change at some point in the future... or we may not. In some public settings, and for some kids, public school really is an ideal choice. But for any readers who are considering homeschool for their child with autism - and for those concerned that homeschool = isolation - it's important to set the record straight!
- Autism Education: Homeschooling a Child with Autism
- When It's Time to Consider Homeschool Education for Your Child with Autism
- Up Sides of Homeschooling a Child with Autism
- Down Sides of Homeschooling a Child with Autism
Join the conversation at the Autism at About Dot Com Facebook Page!
Very nice article. Your son is very fortunate to have you as a mom. Would love to know more about how your son is doing when it is deemed appropriate by you to do so.
Actually, Val, I have a blog and a book that will tell you a lot more about homeschooling and autism.
The blog is about our first year of homeschooling: http:://www.teachingtommy.blogspot.com.
The book, which includes a lot of our own stories, is all about community inclusion and autism. It’s called Get Out, Explore, and Have Fun (http://www.lisarudy.com/getoutexplore.htm).
Lisa
I have nothing against homeschooling, except it only fits a very limited number of families, where at least one of the parents does not need to work outside the home, and is able to organize and implement a good curriculum for the child. I congratulate anyone who is able to do this, but in order to satisfy the needs of the majority of families affected by autism, we need to advocate for better opportunities within the public school system.
Leila – You’re right to a degree: homeschooling is not right for everyone, and of course public school is very important.
On the other hand, we and many other families split homeschooling chores and take advantage of outside options (homeschool programs in the area, high school students who can work with our kids on social and game-playing skills, etc.) to make it possible for both adults to work (we couldn’t live as we do if we didn’t both work!).
It is very challenging, but at least for us and for now it’s worth the hard work.
I have heard very good stories about public school as well as bad – and for some kids it can be a great match. Our son did very well in preschool and K-1, but after that it became problemmatic. Here’s hoping that our time away will prepare him for high school (and that changes/improvements in available resources for the schools have increased as well).
Lisa
I love this presentation Lisa – I couldn’t have said it better!
I homeschooled my son (now 18) from 5th thru 8th grades before his Asperger’s was diagnosed. (He had been in a small parochial school before that which was not equipped to catch such things.) I did it as a response to the struggles he was having socially in his school but also because I wanted to spend this time with him. We decided as a family for him to attend high school at a different, larger parochial school, which is how he was diagnosed. The public school district was involved in the diagnosis and his treatment. He struggled to keep up academically in the private school which was geared for more proficient learners. I considered bringing him back home but was strongly discouraged by the school district (actually, I was told I “couldn’t”) and by his poor attitude. He failed many classes. He will enter a transitional school this fall to attempt to graduate “on his IEP”. Homeschool was a very positive experience for us.
School can be an extremely lonely place for someone with an ASD particularly if it is undiagnosed. The mechanisms for socialisation that work for most kids actually exclude others and if appropriate support is not available – because the problem is unrecognised – they will be isolated, at best they will fit into niches with other socially awkward children.
I am starting to understand the pros of home schooling children with ASD….Thanks for informing me about this issue!
It’s a good article. My daughter is not autistic, but the social life at public school was overwhelming for her. The kids in middle school were too confrontational. She was not a person who can deal well with the stress and strain of the older kids and the drama. The atmosphere was not encouraging. She also suffered from separation anxiety. I learned to homeschool at the end of her 7th grade year in public school and wish I’d begun much sooner!
I agree with you fully fully. My daughter doesn’t have autism but has other learning issues – mild to moderate dyslexia and a learning processing disorder (the info is all there but the right and left brain aren’t communicating to get it out) and ADD. We did not put her on medication as one doctor insisted. We did change her diet getting rid of nitrates and a lot of fast foods and some foods she was very sensitive to. This was a series of testing that took a little over a year to get to the bottom of what was really going on.
In first grad she constantly said she hated school and that she was so stupid. 2nd grade in private school wasn’t any better just more pressure to do even more advanced work especially (her nemesis any way) spelling. and a teacher that just could not be bothered to give her oral tests (but she did say that if she did she knew the work and would get high 90’s to 100 scores)
By the end of that year I was so frustrated I decided to home school with the statement I may not do any better but I can’t do any worse. It was hard time consuming work and required a lot of patience. It paid off after a while I started hearing I’m so stupid less until that statement finally went away after about 9 months to a year. During this time we worked at getting nitrates and foods and dyes that she was allergic to out of her diet. That helped with the ADD.
People that do not home school do not understand what it is all about. There is more real socialization that there ever can be in a public school class room. As you said the kids learn how to get along with people of all ages from babies to the very elderly and are usually much more compassionate, respectful, and understand of other.
Stick to your guns and keep up the good work with your son.
unfortunately for us my sister and some so called friends kept undermining my schooling and by mid year of 9th grade with some help my daughter forced the issue and returned to public school. It was down hill from there. However in about 9 weeks she was accepted into an alternative education program and that is much smaller and more people friendly school. the class sizes range from about 5 to 14 kid per class room. There were about 40 kids in her freshman class instead of 800+ So she is doing much better than in the larger classes of around 30 kid per class room.
From my point of view – The alternative school is not as good as home school but way better than regular High School where there are way to many out of control problem making kids that sometimes seek out good quiet kids and try to and often do cause problems for the good kids.
I pray that your home school journey continues to be successful and benefits your family with blessing that God has in store for you.