I've noticed that when you offer a person constant help and support, even when he doesn't need it, he will stand back and let you do all the work. It's just human nature: why work hard when someone else will do it for you?
Of course, kids with autism need more help and support than the average child - sometimes a LOT more help. But how do you know when it's time to stand back and let your child (or a child you're teaching or supporting) stand on his own two legs?
Over the years, I've noticed that teachers and parents get into the habit of accomodating and stepping in for their children with autism. I've done it myself: spoken for my child when he can speak for himself (with a little prompting), poured his cereal when he's capable of making his own breakfast, or accepted schoolwork that was far below his real ability.
When I do this, of course, it's easier for me. After all, it's much easier to speak for my child than to coach him, rehearse him, and hope he'll manage to say the right thing when the time comes. And of course it's easier for him: conversing with strangers is hard work, and it's always easier to have someone do it for you! And the same goes for fixing meals, folding clothes, or looking up spelling words.
I'm working hard to overcome my tendency to help too much, expect too little, and accept less than my son's best. I'm trying my best to insist that he stand on his own two feet whenever he possibly can. Granted he may stumble or even fall the first few times, but I think enough of my son to let him (or even push him a bit) to exceed his own expectations.
Great point. I know that one of the first things we try and teach some of the kids and adults is how to ask for help. It’s a great communicative tool and alleviates frustration and consequently, challenging behaviors. One of the things I teach staff at the same time, is that after the sign/work/picture for help is learned, to start saying “great asking for help, try first” to see if the help is really needed. And most importantly, to help the child, not complete the activity for them. Not sure if this fits your post, but it’s related!
As a teacher of autistic spectrum pupils, I see the teaching to independence as one of my priorities. Thank you for this post!
Remember in too few years your child will be an adult, and had better cope without you.
And do consider what few people dare to consider; tomorrow you and your spouse could be killed by a drunk driver or meet some similar catastrophic fate, and whatever you have accomplished so far with your child will be the springboard to the rest of his life.
I am reasonably certain that had I been diagnosed as a child I would have kicked back and let people do everything for me. As it is ignorance compelled me to carve a place (such as it is) for myself.
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