I just finished reading a comment from a reader who notes:
I do not believe that homeschooling these [autistic] children is the best option as they need interaction with other children to aid their development.
I simply had to respond.
Those of us who homeschool their children - with or without autism - are accustomed to hearing others complain that homeschooling is isolating and therefore harmful to the child. But we homeschoolers know that homeschooling - done even reasonably well - is far less isolating for a child with autism than is a typical school setting.
Sure, kids with autism may be in physical proximity with lots of same-age peers in a school setting. But outside of physical proximity, there is rarely much in the way of real, contentful interaction.
Certainly my child "talked" with other children - when prompted. And other kids responded - when prompted. These staged interactions were essentially meaningless to both participants, but they did happen. As often as possible, though, he tuned out the noise and chaos, and drifted away into his own world. Even with a small class and a 1:1 aide, he found the entire experience of school so anxiety producing that he did his best to shut down, avoid challenges and confrontations, and be as non-existent as he could.
This worked out well for Tom: no one expected him to interact, learn, speak for himself, take on new tasks, or exceed expectations in any way. And so... he didn't. He drifted along. Teachers said "he's doing great," which, translated, meant "he was quiet and didn't make waves."
As a homeschooler, Tom is challenged to exceed his own expectations of himself almost every day - and he does. Not only that, but he interacts with a huge range of people in all sorts of settings, making real connections all throughout the community. He is NOT lonely, or alone.
For example:
- He takes classes at a homeschool resource center with just a few kids who are within three years of his age. Most of his work is hands-on, and it builds on his actual interests. He's talks with, plays with, and even makes presentations to his few classmates and the teacher-turned-homeschooler who runs the classes.
- He takes clarinet lessons, practices, and rehearses and performs with the middle school jazz band.
- He's part of a youth bowling league, and his team is winning.
- He attends a weekly homeschool gym program, where he runs, jumps, climbs and actually plays with other kids.
- He receives math tutoring weekly from an expert in dyscalculia who, beyond all expectations, has Tom actually grasping number theory.
- He explores the natural wonders of our neighborhood, goes to the library, goes grocery shopping, cooks, builds, and attends homeschool fairs and field trips.
- He reads, writes, studies Spanish and learns to type, Google, take notes, and try out hands-on science projects with Mom and Dad.
Homeschooling may once have meant "be at home alone all day." Today, it just ... doesn't. For us, and for many families raising a child with autism, it's by far the most effective way to craft and provide our children with the education that works for him.
Thought you'd like to know!
Thank you for the blog and I hope there is more to come on homeschooling. It was positive and well thought out. You make very valid points and address all areas to provide a well rounded education for your son.
I am curious to know how many parents are homeschooling their child with autism, how old they are and where their child is on the spectrum.
While I do not subscribe to the one size fits all approach to treatment I also do not subscribe to the one size fits all education either. This is where I find the educational system lacking. While I think progress is being made in the education system to teach our children much more work needs to be done. Having said that, is it fair for our children to have to wait for educators to be educated? Obviously the answer is easy but accessing trained professionals is not. IEP’s can be great on paper but if the teacher and EA do not know how to implement and teach the programs it is worthless.
We do not accept on the job training for teachers of NT children so why should children with autism accept anything less?
Could it be a teacher who left the comment?
Bravo! Well said. I am the homeschooling mother of a child on the spectrum. We are in our eighth year of “official” homeschooling and he is doing great! Anxiety is WAY DOWN and socializing has IMPROVED GREATLY (WAY UP!). Yes, it is true that us homeschoolers are quite normal and our kids socialize with everyone from little ones, to peers, to adults.
I am a former public school teacher who is quite aware of the shortcomings in public education – ESPECIALLY when it comes to kids on the spectrum. Homeschooling can be the best option for some of these kids.
Homeschooling is a wonderful experience for both of my older boys who have Aspergers. We pulled our oldest out of his kindergarten class when we realized that his sensory integration issues were simply too complex to deal with in a classroom setting.
Without homeschooling my kids would be regular participants in special ed, thanks to homeschooling my boys are not only function at their appropriate grade level, they exceed them.
To the woman who left the unkind comment, teacher or no, if she cannot walk a mile in our shoes, she shouldn’t comment.
MomX3 – I don’t think the comment was meant to be unkind.
It’s pretty much the perspective of many people who never even heard of homeschooling except as something practiced by religious extremists or by people trying to escape from the world. Certainly the “new” homeschooling is very different from what it was even 15 years ago.
I also think people misunderstand how kids with autism learn. Most kids “model” other kids behaviors: they watch their peers to see how they’re supposed to act, and they become more like their peers as they interact more.
Kids with autism, though, really are different. They DON’T learn well through imitation and need direct instruction, they DON’T pick up the little cues that other kids see and respond to – and an immersion course in typicalness is usually a pretty lousy way to make kids with autism “typicaller.”
Problem is, for typical parents and teachers all this is counterintuitive. Since WE learned to interact with peers through interacting with peers, how could our kids learn otherwise?
I also question the necessity (and even wisdom) of placing kids in large groups of same-age peers all day. Since the skill of being able to deal with that situation stops being relevant after school is over, what was the point of learning it in the first place? Meanwhile, kids (in general) have almost no exposure to non-teaching or parenting adults, seniors or younger/older kids, except in passing!
Lisa
Most of the home schooling parents that I have met, they never would had home schooled had they not had bad experiences within the school, be it IEP-wise or the child just not doing well. Home schooling is yet another educational option to all parents but it seems more and more those with special needs kids, if the parents are able, home school.
I don’t think the comment made was meant to be mean, either. One has to consider where a comment may come from. School and education is more than just academic learning and although children with autism don’t often socially grow as typical kids do, a core part of autism is relating to others and the ever changing non verbal language of each individual that kids with autism have a hard time with. All kids when they start pre K or Kindergarten, a large part of school is learning the social end of it, learning the rules and how to share. Some parents such as me with only one child could never produce those same social opportunities as the school can nor would my child do well on sports teams. In fact, team sports or team anything is a dreaded thing for my kid. That’s one social area he can not manage more than inclusion class. Also, home being that comfort zone, my child wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn to control some of his behaviors, or see other’s reactions to them which is a learning experience. Now my child is lonely at school and at home. It wouldn’t matter home schooling or not, he has a hard time making friends period. My son certainly has anxieties and is overly passive at school, which makes him a great target often however, he could be a target even if he didn’t have autism.
Just as a public school system, home schooling can have it’s advantages and disadvantages and it’s based per individual so no one can really state either is the best setting for any one.
someone who is taught by many teachers has the potential of becoming greater than any individual teacher. Someone who is taught by one person can only be less than the one.
Simple logic.
Personal observation (very small sample) of interacting with home-school youth; social disasters.
Imagine every embarrassing social mistake you you have made in your life. Then choose whether you would rather have that event occur is school or on your first job.
Bill – I think you’re letting the term “homeschool” confuse you a bit.
Typically, kids who are homeschooled learn with and from at least as wide a range of people than do public schooled students.
My son, for example works with:
mom
dad
speech therapist
clarinet teacher
math tutor
homeschool resource center teacher (and kids there)
homeschool gym teacher (and kids there)
middle school jazz band teacher and kids
bowling league kids, parents, organizers
local children’s librarian
homeschool gym teacher and kids there
adults and kids at homeschool field trips, outings, fairs
docents at museums, aquariums, zoos
kids and adults at the local community theater
in other words, his social interactions are actually much broader, diverse, and “realistic” than those typically offered in a school setting where adults are all teachers/therapists and kids are all same-age peers.
I hope this helps clarify!
Lisa
Oh – another point about homeschooling and socialization. Kids who are in school all day typically don’t wind up going with mom or dad to run errands in the community. What that means is that they don’t meet the people who run community shops and services. Nor do they have much of a chance to, for example,
select, pay for, pack groceries;
fill out deposit slips at the bank and take them to the teller
find the right screws at the hardware store
return defective merchandise at WalMart
use the public library catalogue or explore collections
take field trips to community highlights such as historic museums, herring runs, individual art galleries
order lunch off a diner menu
This is just a tiny sampling of what Tom does during the course of a typical homeschool month. And because we have time to be with him during this excursions, we can take extra time to find and compare different types of jam; meet and greet the bank tellers; explore and compare children’s and adult’s book and video collections.
We also have time to chat with the guy who runs the local trout hatchery; practice running on the rec center track; buy penny candy downtown.
We don’t do all this every day, of course – but it’s all been part of our homeschool curriculum.
Lisa
With all of the (kids there) you listed, then what would the major difference be? One thing that I can as a difference is there really isn’t the option for 1:1 peer interaction, they’re all group activities in which the goal is working as a ‘group’ and for many kids this is the setting where one can more blend in and not be focused on. Remembering the the main core feature of autism is 1:1 interaction, central coherence and so forth, offering group activities is great however social interaction really doesn’t help a child with autism if there isn’t any modeling and if none of it is 1:1 or 1:2. I didn’t notice on your list of activities and group social skills per the disability.
That depends on the setting of the child. Life Skills classes (some states call these class settings something else) in public school do offer
select, pay for, pack groceries;
fill out deposit slips at the bank and take them to the teller
find the right screws at the hardware store
return defective merchandise at WalMart
use the public library catalogue or explore collections
take field trips to community highlights such as historic museums, herring runs, individual art galleries
order lunch off a diner menu
I can only speak for our own experiences.
For Tom, we have been able to select teachers, settings and situations that work well for him. When they work, we can stick with them for years on end; when they don’t, we can simply say “goodbye” without the need for a long, drawn out process.
We’ve been able also to find homeschool programs, trips and opportunities that actually meet his interests and needs. The teacher he goes to two mornings a week teaches just three other kids at the same time; none are autistic, none are exactly Tom’s age, but the group works well together. If it didn’t work for him, we’d make a change.
In Tom’s school experience, there were few options – and if something didn’t work, it took months of meetings to work out what the problem was, suggest solutions, implement them, see if things were better, etc. He lost months of education that way – and I’d expect things to continue in just that way, with the district doing their best to say “no” to every change.
When other kids went to the zoo, aquarium, historic sites, etc., Tom went to the grocery store. Thus he missed out on cultural and scientific content – while we can offer both.
Expectations were very low indeed: the assumption was “kids with autism may never grasp XYZ.” We’re able to seek out and find the resources we need to make it work. We went through 3 math tutors before finding someone with the background and ability to reach and teach our son; I’d never expect a school to even consider doing such a thing.
Lisa
For any struggling child, the school probably wouldn’t pay for a tutor and in my mind, that’s an out of pocket expense I’d be paying for if I seen the need for it, just as I am sure you’re paying out of pocket for the tutors.
The thing with educational setting and how one perceives them to be, per the comment a reader had, comes from hearing personal experiences. However, personal experiences such as you’ve offered, does not depict the whole of public education nor do what you do for home schooling depict what everyone decides to do for ‘field trips’. Each settings have set backs and are not always trouble-free however home schooling, you do have more an angle to be the boss and not work as a parent with a school district. Your field trips and maybe home schooling in general, in my mind doesn’t always offer as much inflexible opportunities as public school would. It’s also providing that ’safe’ place for experiencing things and that is a good thing for a young child however as the child does get older, my goal for instance is not being that ’safe’ place person for my child. I can not offer that to him on my trips to Target with him but as any parent on those trips, I’d still be teaching my child what you’re teaching via home schooling. Always meeting my child’s interests and personal needs is more contributing to his inability to be flexible.
Also when topics like this arises, and it happens all over, there’s some parent out there or a few who has a child about to start school next year and the read the school didn’t do this, their expectations are low of those with autism, it took months to change this or that….. I cant tell you how many parents get huge anxieties over this public school stuff, which like I said most result in the choice to home school, but some parents have no option but public schools. What you rarely hear is how a parent of a disabled child was going to home school just the same and without any horror stories, was going to do that home school.
What I am wondering of each setting, is do kids with autism have friends in one setting more than the other? Or does the disability just make friendships all the more harder no matter that setting?
Autism is mostly a social/communication disorder. As a result, people with autism generally have a tough time making friends. Period.
But by the same token, many people with autism don’t especially want a lot of friends.
I think it’s perfectly possible for a person with autism to find a few like-minded people/friends in any setting.
But I don’t think the purpose of school is to make friends. And I also think it’s a whole lot easier to make friends in settings where you and the other people have something in common besides a disorder. That’s not a bid for homeschooling, but rather a suggestion that kid with autism who loves legos is more likely to find a buddy at a lego club that in his “inclusive” third grade.
Lisa
I very much disagree. School is not only for academics and it’s where many of us found our life-long friend(s). It is where we learn to work together as a group or individualy amongst others and teaches us early on how to do this for being an adult and the work force. That is what school is for, teaching to academics and skills to maintain yourself in the work-place.
Not alll with autism wants friends, but those who can verbalize probably would more say that since they have none, and that’s how they deal with it; “I didn’t want one anyway”. The neat thing about those that have nothing in common with a child, is the child learns other options than their own restricted interests.
I guess I’ve heard a lot about “social skills,” but never seen or heard of an IEP that includes “make a friend.” In fact, there are plenty of kids who go through school and make lots of acquaintances but no friends.
IMHO, the fact that someone is in class with you does not make him a friend. Any more than the fact that someone shares a business meeting with you makes him a friend.
Tom was taught “your classmates are your friends.” He understood it to mean “you are required to like and share with people whom you actively fear or find unpleasant.” That’s what was required of him. He hated it.
Sometimes, classmates are friends. Just as often, they absolutely are not.
Lisa
Many schools are now doing peer buddies. Social Skills class does model with 1:2 peers situations that offers the child the tools to make that communication, and be less restrictive to interest. They also help that child out of that class to see if they’re transferring that skill. If a child does well academically but poorly socially, an IEP can be gained/ based just on that one aspect of autism. This area will never get better or improve well for a child with autism if it is not addressed, and for many kids with autism, it needs to be addressed alot during the day or to reinforce area’s of concern.
In our case we had lots of talk about peer modeling, lunch bunch and the like – but zero action. We’ve created our own opportunities instead.
But everyone has a different experience, and it sounds like yours has been better than ours.
In any case, schooling is a personal decision that every family makes in its own way for its own reasons. My point in this blog post was simply to explain the difference between “schooling at home” and “homeschooling,” and why we do it.
Lisa
Thank you Lisa, I agree with you 100%! This is our 1st year homeschooling our child with autism and so far it’s been a VERY positive experience, with tons of opportunity for socialization! Our daughter falls at the more severe end of the spectrum so our only option with the public school system was a self contained autism class. Sounded good on paper but when we realized that all the other children were completely non-verbal, 3-6 years older than her and a significant portion of the day was spent dealing with behaviours (by dragging the offending child into a padded room *shiver*) we decided that this was not the best fit for our daughter! People can say what they want about “real school” being vital for socialization but I doubt children like my daughter are going to get socialized in an “institution prep class”. And sorry Bill, but my daughter isn’t going to learn anything more from 10 teachers throwing her in a padded room than she would from one skilled teacher showing her appropriate alternatives for dealing with her emotions (not that she has just one teacher).
Unfortunately, many people seem to think that if you just expose a child with autism to more social environments, the social/communication skills will just rub off some how. For many, there’s a lot of “pre” social skills and early communication work that needs to be done (through direct instruction) before they can have a hope of any successful social experiences. More importantly, if socialization isn’t handled properly from the beginning, it’s not only counterproductive but can have some major long term consequences and that’s not something I’m comfortable leaving in the hands of those (the public school) who have a record for teaching badly… or more accurately, don’t teach well/at all.
I am a parent who intended to homeschool before I had kids. My NT? son is homeschooled, and the ONLY reason I investigated public school for my severly autistic daughter was for additional therapy services, which, I was told, would only be “academic support”, and that only after she was integrated to full-time. So, I said No Thank-you.