Preparing Your Autistic Child to Live on Their Own

Because most of us don't make all our food from scratch, write our laws, or pave our own roads, we all live in varying situations of depending on other people. Autistic people are the same, except that their dependence is more visible and less normalized or accepted.

Some autistic people will never be able to live alone or complete daily tasks solo, and some are able to go to college and work full-time. Sometimes, those autistic people are the same person due to the varied mix of traits and resulting strengths and support needs each autistic person has.

As the parent or guardian of an autistic child, you may be accustomed to being very involved in all aspects of your child's daily life, and they may be dependent on you for things like scheduling meals, completing hygiene tasks, and keeping on top of doctor's appointments. As with all caregivers, the prospect of letting your child manage these aspects of life by themselves can be unnerving.

You can ease some of the anxiety for both you and your child by preparing them to take on some basic responsibilities once they leave the nest. Here are five things your child should know how to do.

Take Care of Their Physical Health

Many autistic people have difficulty with interoception, the sense of the internal state of the body. This means they have difficulty receiving and processing internal cues such as hunger and thirst. If your teen doesn't seem to experience traditional "hunger pangs," signs that they're hungry might include lagging energy, crankiness, anxiety, and headache. Teach them to recognize those signs, and to set a regular schedule for meal times.

Sleep problems are common among college-age adults, especially those who are autistic. Poor sleep quality affects all aspects of life and health, including mood. Encourage your teen to develop healthy sleep habits, aiming for seven to nine hours a night. Afternoon naps can be helpful to make up any sleep deficits.

Take Care of Their Emotional Health

Many autistic people struggle with emotional dysregulation. Help your child be prepared with coping strategies, such as deep breathing and meditation.

Autistic people also struggle with social skills, which can make it hard to develop healthy friendships. Many college-age autistic teens find that seeing a therapist on a regular basis can help them navigate difficult social situations and emotions, and learn how to initiate and maintain friendships. Make sure that your teen knows what healthy relationships look like and is aware of common red flags such as manipulation, exploitation, etc.

If your child takes medication for anxiety, depression, mood swings, or another mental health conditions, make sure they know which ones to take and at what times (a pill organizer can help), and how to refill their prescriptions. Before they need to do so alone or with less support, get them into a routine of filling, organizing, and taking their prescriptions. You may need to be part of this process for a while. Begin including them in scheduling their medical appointments and therapy sessions until they are ready to do so for themselves, and help them create a reusable checklist for attending appointments alone.

Be a Good Roommate

Whether it’s a college dorm or first apartment, almost everyone shares a living space with other people at some point. For an autistic person, the unwritten rules of cohabitating can be confusing. Help your teen understand the importance of keeping common areas tidy, and teach them basic housekeeping skills, such as washing dishes, doing laundry, cooking, sweeping, washing floors, taking out the garbage, and cleaning the bathroom. Teach them to create a cleaning routine so they can consistently maintain their living space.

Living with other people can be challenging, and many autistic people deal with sensory processing difficulties that can make coping with roommates extra stressful. Make sure your teen is prepared with items like noise-canceling headphones, a sleep mask to block out light, calming stim toys, and other items that can help them maintain a sense of calm when surrounded by other people.

Advocate for Themselves

For most of your child’s life, you have probably been advocating for them to make sure they get proper accommodations in the classroom and any other services they need. When your child gets older, however, they will need to learn how to advocate for themselves.

To help your child learn to advocate for themselves, talk about some of the challenges and obstacles they may encounter and brainstorm together on how to approach them and problem-solve on their own. Writing scripts and role-playing hypothetical conversations can be helpful as well.

If your teen is going to college, make sure they know how to access disability support services on campus in order to get any classroom or dorm accommodations they may need. Your teen should also review student manuals and understand their rights in different situations. 

Find Their People

Everyone does better when surrounded by people who support them and share common interests, but socializing with neurotypical people rarely comes naturally to autistic people. Encourage your child to join identity-centered groups and to participate in club activities that genuinely interest them and that they may have been involved with in high school. Having something in common can be a good foundation for friendships.

Young adulthood is also a great time to become active in local and national organizations that advocate for autism acceptance, disability justice, and/or sociopolitical justice. One of the most prominent of these is the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network.

A Word From Verywell

Keep in mind that there is no one-size-fits-all timeline for people on the spectrum. Some high school seniors are ready to go away to a four-year college right after graduation, while others are not. If your child isn’t ready to leave home just yet, be respectful of that decision.

Many young adults benefit from a gap year and some people just take a little longer to figure out their way in life. Help your child forge their own path in their own time. Most important is to always make sure your child knows you are here to support them no matter what.