Autism Dads: Ready, Willing and Able

When I raised the question "Is Autism Tougher on Dads?" the other day, I was certain that the answer I'd hear from readers would be a resounding "YES!" (from dads) - and an equally definite "NO!" (from moms). I was very wrong. And the comments I have received to this point have been largely inspirational.

JoeSocWork's comment is a wonderful description of a realistic Dad thriving in a family with a child on the autism spectrum:

After 10+ years of my son’s life I never would have thought to ask whether my wife or I have it harder. We’re a family and we have a son who is autistic and 8 y.o. daughter who isn’t. We operate w/in our family roles as father, mother, and sister. I take my kiddoes on outings, show affection and guidance, and pay attention to various trends on the subject of autism, much of which already comes from my professional background as a social worker. My wife pays attention to details of operating family life while being motherly and maybe more exacting and sheltering than me. My daughter unwittingly models nonautistic behaviors (and sibling relations!) that he learns from. I think our roles, stereotypical or not, all complement each other. As a father I do have personal disappointments that I feel selfish about, including realizing there is a possibility that my son may never carry out my bloodline and realizing that there are higher functioning activities like sports, etc. that we may never be able to enjoy together; but I can get over it. Meanwhile, despite the stereotypes, he is very affectionate and guileless. I’ve never ever felt a need for respite from him or any of my family members (a hour or so of chill time on the computer a night notwithstanding! :p) But I do worry about being able to preserve a future of where he can feel loved and encouraged to grow if/when there comes a point that my wife and I can’t take care of him.

Logan's Mom, speaking from the mother's point of view, says:

My husband may not have countless hours of Internet research that I have, but it’s equally challenging for both of us day to day. We always hear about families being broken once the diagnosis is made. We try very hard to openly communicate our true feelings with each other. I think that is the key with any challenge life throws your way.

Bob, father to a three-year-old with autism, has this to say:

I cannot express the depth of my love for my ASD son. (Maybe my inability to express it is a symptom of my being a man). Nonetheless, I convert that indescribable love into energy to find resources to help my son, paying for extra ABA therapy and ***participating*** in it so I can reinforce what he learns. Also into refocusing my priorities to ensure I’m spending the maximum amount of time with him, playing rough with him (he loves the sensory input), having father-son time, and letting him know through love-in-action that he is LOVED.

These parents aren't making their lives hell for autism. In fact, they're finding ways to work together, as a unit. Autism is one aspect of their lives - and one they seem to be able to manage well, as a couple. With all the terrible publicity about the angst, pain and separation created by autism, it's wonderful to hear from strong fathers and mothers who are - without melodrama - parenting their kids.