Giving Thanks for Small Steps Along the Autism Spectrum
When he was tiny, he would lie on the floor, position his eyes next to an engine, and run it back and forth in front of his face, over and over again. If someone picked up an engine, he'd go into a true meltdown. Occasionally, an engine was winged across the room, and once or twice Thomas and friends caused some real damage.
As he got older, he learned to build fantastical layouts with his growing collection of tracks. He'd create spirals and swirls of railroad line, stacking blocks and toys around the edges. If he could, he'd use every toy he owned, filling the living room with ThomasLand.
By the time he was ten, he and his sister Sara were building "model adventures" together. They'd combine her toys and his tracks to build "cities" and "circuses" around her bedroom.
Now, we thought, he was really starting to think of Thomas the Tank Engine as part of a fantasy world that could be shared. And so we started visiting train museums and model train layouts with the kids. We went to Strasbourg Pennsylvania, rode the "real" Thomas train and explored historic train cars. We went to the Morris Arboretum, where an amazing model train layout has been growing for years. We visited the Brandywine Museum at Christmas, and saw the huge Christmas "world" laid out, complete with flying Santa and reindeer.
Last year, for homeschool, Tom and his Dad built an HO model train layout. I can't say that Tom loved dipping his fingers in the papier mache to build the mountain, but he was an active part of the design and construction.
Last night, we thought it would be a good idea to move some furniture around. To do so, we had to take apart Tom's long-standing Thomas the Tank Engine "model adventure." We told him about our plans, and explained that he could rebuild it - in his room (and NOT in the middle of the floor). Tom melted down. Then he went to his room.
An hour later, I knocked on the door. No answer. Tom had gone downstairs to read! I peeked inside his room. He'd taken all the bits and pieces of his layout, and rebuilt a new model adventure. It was a full fledged train line, built along the lines of the Great Wall of China, complete with intricately designed fencing and a long train of cars.
We asked him to come up, and admired his new creation together. Then we asked how he managed to get over his bad feelings to make something so beautiful. He explained that he had calmed himself down by taking deep breaths. And then he had built the tracks. And then... he was done, and decided to go read.
It would be easy to look at our son and think "good heavens, he's 12 years old and still playing with Thomas the Tank engine! When will he EVER act like a typical child?"
On the other hand, it's just as easy to notice that our son has grown and developed enormously over time. Yesterday, he managed his emotions and turned his anger into creative action. How many typical adults can do that - not over days or weeks, but within the course of a single hour?
Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to look at small steps, and to recognize their significance.
What small steps along the spectrum have given you joy?
Comments
I loved your shared moment. I try not to call them stories, because that makes it feel like that they could be fiction, and they are definitely not fiction. I have four boys with extensive disabilities and have watched year after year growing in some things, while behind in others- but always moving ahead. This is especially apparent when my 17-year-old son brings his “friend” Courtney over and he gently rubbed the magnet across her chest implant to stave off an impending seizure. He then called out to us and we came into the living room to help her. It was an amazing moment, because I realized that my son had learned sympathy and compassion for someone else with special needs too. I’m so thankful that each of my boys are so unique and no matter what they grow up and go to work doing- I’m proud of them!
Thanks for your writing. Although we celebrated Thanksgiving last month, in our house, it would appear to be thanksgiving at least every other day, if not every day. It’s easy to get wrapped up in all the difficulties of the challenges, but this morning when I wetted down my sons’ hair (he’s 12 as well) and he didn’t scream or even cry, that was cause for celebration.
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to come once a year…it can be whenever we take the time to notice the little accomplishments along life’s path. We all spend enough time having the negative be pushed at us in our face, we need to celebrate the good too.
Cheers
Caroline
A wonderful story and it marks true progress. Thank you for sharing. Tom demonstrated an oh, so important skill. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is critical to being able to use your IQ. Tom handled a major irritating change, figured it out, soothed himself, then moved on. What more could you ask for in any twelve year old? That’s a son to be proud of!
Our twin boys (not identical) adore Thomas. More so with Cameron, the one dx’d with Autism in Aug 2007, shortly after they turned 4 years old. Thomas & Friends have help Cameron understand feelings, help with imagination, sing songs, and even to read!
We saved up (for gas and tickets) and took the twins out this past summer to see Thomas & Sir Topham Hatt for the Great Discovery Tour in Hood River Oregon
This trip was such a hit, and we are saving up to go next year, and every year when Thomas is in town. IMHO, whether you are 18 mo’s or 80 years old, with or without Autism, it is money well spent to visit Thomas.
Thomas is truly a very useful engine! We are very thankful for Thomas and Friends.