Why Social Skills Training in the Autism Support Room Isn't Enough
I had written, in part:
It occurs to me that we may be doing our children with autism a disservice by presenting them with the idea that anyone in our classroom must - simply by being present - be a friend. What could be more confusing than having friendship shoved down your throat as a school requirement?Here (also excerpted) is the response from a autism support teacher:In fact, since our kids tend to be developmentally delayed - and in some cases more comfortable with adults than with kids - are we doing them a disservice by insisting that "friends" be same-age peers? After all, once they're out of grade school, their relationships are likely to include folks of all ages - in a wide range of settings.
I am a self contained teacher of students with Autism, so I know what I'm talking about when I say, that children who have autism do stim and do perseverate, they may also have 'severe' behavioral issues that disturb others. That's the nature of autism and a common occurrence in any self contained room. However, these students are placed together because success in a regular classroom environment is not possible ... As a teacher who teaches Social Skills, it is important that a student learn the necessary tools and expectations in an environment that promotes their success and does make them stressed, done any other way can lead to making socializing a 'bad experience'. This is exactly why a teacher has the [autistic] students work together, they all need practice. As for why teachers emphasize the 'friends' thing with their peers is because children with autism far too often only form bonds with adults and not with peers of a similar age. ... as adults they will be exposed to everyone and they will need to befriend their peers, not people 20, 30 or 40 years older than them (italics are mine).It seems to me that, in fact, that this teacher's perspective is almost backwards. When a child is in school, if they are to interact appropriately with typical peers, only interaction with typical same-age peers will help them to achieve that goal. That's because only typical third graders, for example, really know precisely how bokugans work (if you don't know what bokugans are, you aren't a third grader!), or whether iCarly is cool or not this week. And no matter how good your manners or your eye contact, if you're not fully versed in the shared culture of your same-age peers, you will never fit in. (In fact, very few typical elementary school students are likely to display the level of etiquette or eye contact required of children with autism in a segregated support classroom!)
When a child graduates from school, the whole concept of "same-age peer" disappears in a puff of smoke, as young people mix with "peers" of all ages and backgrounds. It's a rare town or workplace indeed that includes no "peers" who are 20, 30, or 40 years older!
Bottom line, while I have no objection to social skills groups in which children with autism interact with one another, such groups are nowhere near enough. Children with autism need experiences with reverse inclusion (in which typical children are brought into a setting with special needs children), lunch bunch groups, playground groups, inclusive summer programs and - most importantly - ordinary community programs in which they can be successful. Whether it's a karate class, Scout troop, a YMCA program or just a neighborhood playgroup, children with autism need to actually experience social success in the real world.
What's your opinion on this important issue? If you have a child with autism, do you feel his or her social skills program is working? Why or why not?
Comments
it struck me that you are looking at one end of the spectrum….those that socialise much at all without adult help are normally on the aspergic end of the spectrum without too much learning difficulty.
at the severest end of the autistic spectrum one to one socialising needs practice in the classroom or home they need the words and actions before they even come into contact with the real world…these things do not come naturally to them at all and need a lot of work.
behaviour is indeed sometimes quite alien to the adult and child mainstream world of cafes and cinemas and library’s.
if they throw food and objects about it is sometimes best to get that under control at home or school in a safe environment with people they know with added strangers before contemplating the real world and they often then go out quite happily with those so called strangers . but often the same age peers are not up to restraining ttechniques and prn meds that are required for people on one end of the spectrum to cope out n about.
Actually Julie, at the severest end of the spectrum, the kids sit in a corner and bang their heads against the wall nearly oblivious of people around them. At the least severe end of the spectrum the kids will turn out fine and be considered “recovered” regardless of therapies or lack of in childhood.
My son is eight and spontaneous speech is mostly confined to ” I want pee pee” or ” I want chicken” (I’m hungry). He has absolutely no idea how to play with another child and only plays with adults. The closest he comes to playing with other children is to stand near them and chase them when they are running around.
He is in an inclusive classroom with a para. He didn’t manage to keep up with the schoolwork of first grade and we kept him back (with the gracious permission of the NYC Principal) last year. Even though he may not be able to keep up with the academics of the classroom, we feel that his being exposed to the interactions and play of the typical kids at this age is most important. If he can’t provide for himself as an autistic adult, the state will help provide. The more serious problem would be if he never has a friend because he never learned how to socialize as a child. I find it difficult to think of my child living a long and lonely life never sharing an idea, opinion or emotion with another person.
I can see both sides…sort of. First off, I do believe that ALL kids deserve to be together in school, regardless if they are on a spectrum or not.
However, I don’t think that all kids can handle a classroom setting. I’ve worked with enough kids to know that putting the safety of the child themselves, other classmates, teacher and Special Ed Assistant in jeopardy most every day is not a safe and healthy learning environment for anyone…and some of these violent kids are classified as “HF Autistic”. Having a class on edge all the time waiting for a violent explosion from the child with autism who can’t handle what life throws them at any given moment is not condusive to a healthy learning environment. Where do you draw the line? I have no idea really. How would a potentially violent student learn what is socially acceptable without being in a socially acceptable environment? Again, I don’t know. I do understand that the best teacher is called “By Example.” Do I understand the dilemma…Yes, I understand that too.
That said, as a parent, I’ve fought long and hard to have my son in class successfully. He is in middle school now, and what that first exerpt mentioned about kids being forced to be friends with the special needs kids is ringing too close to home right now. See, all through elementary school, although no one had to force any of the other kids to be friends with my son (they would fight over spending time with him actually), now that he is in middle school, he has no friends. He’s gone from a small school of 120 kids, with everyone knowing him and wanting to spend time with him to being 1 in 800 and no one spending time with him. As the emotional need(s) and social needs increase in any kid (ours included)the social circles get more refined and it’s no longer “cool” to hang out with the special needs kid anymore.
Depression rates in any pre-teen/teenager is high, but there is little to no recognition of it with special needs kids. Especially Autism, where stereotypically they “shouldn’t” care (but they do) about friendships, social circles, belonging to a group, and both students and staff buy into that notion and our kids are left out in the cold. Their biggest friendship circle starts becoming the Special Ed Assistants and Resource Teacher, because they are just some of the few who care to get to know them and take them for who they are. Yet, people want the kids to develop their own age-appropriate friendships. Pretty difficult to do so when people the same age don’t want anything to do with you, and the student is being told through words and actions that having adults as friends is not acceptable. Depression rates are never (or rarely) measured in the school system for these kids, although plenty of school studies are done on “typical” kids’ depression rates.
I do believe that in elementary schools, kids still need to be able to make friendships with everyone. Learning that acceptance is an important life skill. For some of the typical kids, they do go on and keep those friendships going. However, I think a different approach needs to be taken when the kids mature, in that kids also need to be taught that those friendships can last a lifetime and are worth maintaining.
I’ll probably get slammed for this perspective, but working in various schools and school levels every day, I see it every single school day, and it makes my heart just bleed. I am trying to make a difference, and I talk to kids in the halls when I hear them making fun of the special needs kids (especially if I know they were great friends with them in elementary school). It feels like a fish swimming upstream sometimes…a great struggle, but will get there in the end.
I think some of the resource teachers have the right intent, although they could be contributing to a toxic environment for our kids…but it’s a very different story when one is working in the school, with these kids as opposed to being in the role of a parent.
Don’t forget that we are pushing children with social delays to socalize with children with socail delays and sensory issues. All thier 1 on 1 teaching is with an adult.
Having taught social skills for the past two years. I understand how one can have mixed emotions on the subject. However what I found dealing with children and teens on both ends of the spectrum is that after months of intervention I really did see a big change in their personalities. Many of the kids were much happier to interact and were able to connect in more than one way, verbally, eye contact, empathy, and just simply realized why it was important to reach out to someone.
The greatest difference I saw was in their self esteem.
My ten year old son, who is in the middle of the autism scale, tends to be oblivious to anything resembling social ranking. But from time to time he certainly tries his hardest to approach people, say hi, and make social conversation. Unfortunately it tends to be in his autistic repeating “I had a good at…, doing…, eating…, playing…” w/out understanding the dynamics of back and forth exchanges. That need for friendship for him is there, regardless of the cause, and I admire any person of any age who overcomes there own insecurities and predjudices and willingly talks to him and model casual conversation.
I’m an autistic teenager, and my paretns were in the similarly difficult position of deciding whether I belonged in a support class or mainstreamed class. It was determined that I should enter a new class the school was starting that met once weekly and included only kids on the spectrum, and spend the other four days a week in the typical classroom. The closest friends I have to this day were met in the spectrum classroom. While the mainstreamed classroom was useful acadmeically, I couldn’t understand the students within it, and they couldn’t understand me. To this day I feel more capable in settings with all autistic individuals than in those with mostly NT’s.
I completely agree with all of you regarding your approach to socialization. It is the only reason my son is in public school. I truly believe that he would be better off academically if I home schooled him, but socially he would never survive in the real world. It is often a heart wrenching, painful experience for me to watch my 9 year old son struggle socially. I am raw with emotions when I think of how hard it must be for him on that playground or lunchroom each day, but the day he came home from school with a new friends phone number it made it all worth it. He did it! He made that connection, and like networking in the business world one friend lead to another friend and so on. I’m not saying my son will ever be the most popular, but nor do I want him to be. I want him to feel he has a right to be where ever he wants to be. If he wants to be in the class room with peers who are academically, socially, and verbally more advanced than him, then more power to him for having the mental strength and determination to take that challenge on. We have enrolled our son in every after school activity, town sponsored sports program, parent initiated play date since he was 5 years old, and we are even trying Destination Imagination this year. Some activities are more difficult than others, but with each activity he has become more confident around other kids. My dream for him is that he feels he has a place in this world. I watched my son on a recent field trip to the symphony, and when the student next to him clapped my son was watching him, and then repeated what he just saw. The timing was a little off (only boy clapping when everyone else stopped), but he got it right the next time. In closing, some children just need to be around “main stream kids to see how it’s done.”
Hi .I have a 6 yo special needs son ,not autism, but some hearing loss, major expressive speech delay (his expressive language is less than some two year olds, though he understands just fine), and deformed fingers.I have fought to include him in regular classes so at least his speech models will be age appropriate rather than also speech delayed.Though he is sociable and friendly, making regular friends has been hard as other parents tend to be scared of the differences. Special ed parents have so far been the main source of occasional play dates.In terms of being accepted, the group baseball games were the best for having children talk to him. It hurts sometimes to know that on the school bus and in other places some kids take advantage of his difficulties with speech to tease.
A different disability, without the social deficits of autism, but apparently just as difficult to make friends in the mainstream community.
Any parent that allows a school to segregate their child in a special ed class is doing their child a grave dis-service. Your child needs to be around neuro-typical children to learn and imitate appropriate social skills and behaviour. Even the most severe autistic child can benefit by watching other neurotypical children. The more special education classes we allow to segregate these exceptional kids, the more unaccepting and unconditional a society we create. When we integrate exceptional kids in regular classrooms as early as grade 1, we allow the neurotypical children to show us how accepting and unconditional they can be around special needs kids….young children do not understand discrimination unless they are taught it by older kids or adults….
We need to live in a world that is accepting and loving of all of God’s people….Children with learning disabilities are known as “exceptional”, it is interesting to note that there are two meanings to “exceptional” one being “extraordinarily or specially gifted” and the second meaning being “physically or mentally handicapped to the extent that special schooling is involved.” My husband and I personally believe children with Autism and other learning disabilities are here for a purpose…they are here to teach mankind about unconditional love and unconditional acceptance. Parents need to fight for their child’s right to attend a regular classroom with an IEP (individual education plan) that will offer their child the proper tools and resources (specially trained EA’s and teachers) to allow their child to further progess. I speak from experience….we allowed our son’s school to manipulate us into putting him in a special ed class….and in two short months he regressed to a point where he was able to imitate every other exceptional students inappropriate behaviour…we were to say the least, absolutely devastated to see all the effort and time we had put into our son fall to pieces in a few short weeks…..we immediately pulled him out of the school for 10 days to stop the stimming and inappropriate noises he was copying….and have now placed him in a regular grade one class….and i won’t go into how difficult our school has been regarding the placement changes. School authorities are still trying to convince us we are making a huge mistake….they will never convince me that my son doesn’t have the God given human right to belong in a neuro-typical world……Do what your heart tells you…..if you have a child that you believe would benefit more by being amongst neuro-typical children, then don’t allow even the most knowledgable authority on learning disabilities to hinder your childs right to observe and learn appropriate social skills in the mainstream.
For a highly verbal child this type of adult taught support is really useless. What they need are peer mentors to teach the skills, maybe 2 years older than the child, not much more. I find the social skills taught in the schools to be utterly divorced from what children say and therefore ineffective at best, harmful at worst. The constant quizzing makes our kids think that giving someone the third degree in questions is the way to have a conversation when what they need to know is how to make statements, listen and respond to the other person’s statements.