Does Autism in the Family Lead to Divorce?
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But so far as I can tell, having researched the topic in all the usual places plus a few more (personal connections to reearchers in the autism community), there is no basis for these claims.
Yes, divorce is high in the United States, fluctuating at about the 50% mark. Having a child with a sickness or disability does raise the divorce rate, and I was able to find one published research study about parents of children with ADHD which suggests that STRESS, but NOT DIVORCE, is higher among that population:
Numerous studies have asserted the prevalence of marital conflict among families of children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), but evidence is surprisingly less convincing regarding whether parents of youths with ADHD are more at risk for divorce than are parents of children without ADHD. [Rate and predictors of divorce among parents of youths with ADHD. Wymbs BT, Pelham WE, Molina BS, Gnagy EM, Wilson TK, Greenhouse JB.J Consult Clin Psychol. 2008 Oct;76(5):735-44.]While autism isn't the same thing as ADHD, there are similarities. Certainly, spouses are likely to react differently to "bad behaviors" linked to diagnosable disabilities. How DO you punish a child with autism or ADHD? Or do you just accept the behaviors as part of a child's personality?
What makes autism particularly tough is that there is no one (or two, or three) accepted treatments for the disorder. And the disorder itself is incredibly broad ranging and difficult to pinpoint. Parents certainly disagree on which of dozens of treatments and approaches is "right" for their child. And parents, of course, disagree on how much money to spend on a particular therapy, school, or biomedical intervention.
In short, while I don't honestly believe that 80% of parents with autistic children divorce (because there's no basis for that figure), I certainly DO believe that 80% (or more) are often under extra stress. In some cases, coming to an agreement on autism-related issues can strengthen a marriage. In other cases, that stress simply splits the marriage apart.
In our case, autism has not only NOT split us apart, it has brought us closer together. We found that we tend to agree, philosophically and financially, on our choice of therapy, schooling, and daily life activities. But what if one of us was a true-blue believer in biomedical interventions while the other was convinced that biomedical interventions are a waste of time and money? Could we find a middle ground?
What's your thinking on this issue? Do you think there really is a higher rate of divorce among families living with autism? Has the stress and uncertainty of autism pulled your family apart - or pulled it together?
Comments
I think the 80% reflects the reality of ALL relationships. Very few relationships (20%) actually find that “Magic.” While 50% of families with typical children actually divorce, I believe there are another 30% that just stay together in spite of their varying levels of unhappiness. They are able to muddle through as they have an average level of every day stress. My guess is that only 20% of ALL marriages have a truly solid foundation with the ability to withstand whatever may come. So that leaves us with the 30% that would have stayed together had it not been for the stress of autism (the straw that broke the camel’s back). The problem lies in the original choice of a spouse, not the resultant child with a challenge. Just my hypothesis anyhow.
Lisa, Finances come into play too. The #1 cause of divorce is MONEY problems. We know that a family with autism has a lot of financial stress (paying for treatments (often on credit which makes it worse in the long run), job loss, etc.
Autism parents should try more than most to live on a written budget, live on less than you make, and simplify your life as much as possible.
http://www.daveramseyguru.com/debt-autism-financial-stress-live-a-dave-ramsey-lifestyle-to-increase-the-chances-of-having-a-successful-marriage/
Doing a written budget, on paper, BEFORE the month begins causes spouses to COMMUNICATE which in turn leads to a better marriage a couple with shared priorities.
If the normal divorce rate is 50%, I can see the 80% number for special needs families being right. Why is this such a mystery? It seems like someone somewhere could provide some real numbers.
I do think it also has the possibility of bring some families closer and keeping them together as well.
Fielding – thanks so much for your comments and links.
I’ve gotta say, though, that the “written budget” approach isn’t always as effective as it might be, especially when parents are weighing therapeutic versus family priorities.
If you follow Jenny McCarthy’s lead, one parent (usually mom) may have the point of view that you do “whatever it takes” to “recover” your child with autism. That “whatever” could easily break the bank – but if you truly believe that certain therapies will “recover” your child, how do you decide NOT to attempt it?
Even for those of us NOT tempted to “try everything,” there are priorities that are tough to manage. For example, some special diets and supplements can cost hundreds a month – hundreds that could otherwise be spent on, say, new coats… fixing the car… or paying down debt.
Lisa (autism guide)
My parents have 6 children. 5 of them, including myself, are autistic. They have been married for over 17 years.
I do not believe in what Jenny McCarthy says. She would have been divorced anyway I think, even if her son was not autistic.
To blame autism for a divorce is a cop out.
Autism is a severe stresser on our marriage. I actually spend each weekend trying hard not to argue with my husband (over petty things, even). There is zero time (or in my case, desire) to spend time alone together as a couple. Neither one of us feels supported by the other. I feel completely unappreciated as a stay-at-home parent. Autistic children show no/little achievement, so there is no sense of satisfaction in raising them. My husband feels stressed out by work and frankly, I don’t have any emotional energy left to give him support either.
We are limited in our social interactions by our children’s behaviors and lack of development. When you have autistic children, you are really on the outside looking in. No getting together with other families on the weekends. No children’s birthday parties. Trips to the zoo are very brief and limited. Any time spent with others on holidays is shortened by children’s acting out/tantrums. It’s definitely an isolating lifestyle when autism is in the family.
I don’t know about the actual rates, but I do know a lot of families where either the mom or dad couldn’t handle the situation and just left. Being a single parent of a child with autism must be 2 or 3 times harder than a being a single parent of a normal child (if for no other reason than trying to find decent child care for that child).
I also know first hand about the stress and strain this causes on a marriage. Autism first brought my husband and I closer together, but after so many years of living in a constant pressure cooker, I know my marriage has suffered. And who the heck has time or money for marriage counseling!!!
Dear Lisa Jo Rudy,
How many families who are blessed with Child with severe Autism do you know of? I am sure just a handful. So there is no basis for your claims. I do know many families who have a child with Autism and I can easily say that 7 out of the 10 are either seperated or divorced. Some of the mothers/wives have even had to put a restraining order on their husbands for abuse. Lisa, I have always loved your blog but Please do more research on this topic before writing.
Thanks,
I don’t think anyone appreciates the deep strain raising an autistic child took on my mother, my father especially, who wasn’t home most of the time. All he would do was critisize:(
Elucidatus – not sure what “claims” you’re referring to… again, what I’m saying is that there is no research that I’m able to find that supports a particular percentage rate for families living with autism, though stress is obviously a major issue.
It’s quite possible that the divorce rate IS super-high, but I don’t find any research to support that claim.
Meanwhile, though, I think it’s easy to confuse personal experience with statistical data.
You say: “I do know many families who have a child with Autism and I can easily say that 7 out of the 10 are either seperated or divorced.” But I can tell you I had dinner last night with two other couples, both of whom have kids with autism – and all three couples have been happily married for 16 years.
The fact that we have had these particular experiences does color our perceptions. But it doesn’t prove a darned thing relative to the statistics of divorce!
Lisa (autism guide)
I know what you are saying, Lisa, but for a lot of people borrowing money for expensive therapies ends up heaping on much more stress down the road. If you cannot afford to the treatments now, how will you afford them in the future when you start paying payments on treatments past? There is no good answer. I agree, if you think a treatment will help your child, you do it. Having a mommy and daddy together also helps the child.
We are doing family therapy and I must say everyone should do it. It has been a huge help.
I think the bottom line here is COMMUNICATION. If your marriage has problems, a kid with autism will magnify them a hundred fold.
That divorce rate is as mythical as the 1 in 10,000 autism rate folks like Ms. McCarthy also like to state as “fact”.
I’ll have been married 25 years in May (and living together 5 years previous to that). I am Dxed AS, have 4 children, 2 Dxed ASD, 2 not dxed but not necessarily not ASD. As well my husband is not Dxed but not necessarily not ASD. I am a stay at home mom, we live below the poverty line. We own our home, we own our vehicles. When it comes to autism (as well as many other things), my husband and I are on the same page.
I would say about half of the parents I know of autistic kids (20 or so) are divorced.
I have one ASD and 2 ADHD kids. We’re still married… but don’t have much of a relationship.
But we try.
I am a tad surprised at the offended tone of several folks on this topic. The gist of this post is WHO THE HECK KNOWS. I am just surprised that this number is not more quantifiable. There seems to be lots of stats on all kinds of things related to divorce. For example …The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%.
Here’s a good article on the 9 Symptoms of Divorce. I can easily see how a special needs child could make a lot of these infinitely worse for a lot of couples. 80% doesn’t sound that unreasonable to be if you consider the overall number of divorces in general. It seems clear that increased stress = increased odd of divorce.
9 Symptoms of Divorce
1. Sex
2. Unrealistic Expectations
3. Money
4. Communication
5. Control
6. Mental Challenges (depression, addictions) 7. Number of marriages
8. Growing apart
9. Lack of commitment
http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/feature/_a/the-nine-symptoms-of-divorce/20061109094709990001
I think many stressers in life cause divorce, regardless if it’s a disability like autism or other things. It’s a matter of how each can cope and cooperate and be on the same page. If the relationship wasn’t good before autism, it wont get better after autism either.
I think autism related to divorce puts a heavy stress level on the kids who have autism, and will make them feel responsible and kids already generally always think it’s their fault anyway.
Divorce happens, again, why play that blame game? Why cant adults take responsibilty for their own relationship gone wrong?
These claims that the divorce rate is higher are not based in any type of research. It is just a comment you hear all the time in the autism community. In my house Autism definitely bonded us together. We do not have time to worry about anything petty-along with how “unfulfilled ” we are. We tend to laugh a lot and cope better together.When one of us is feeling down the other tries to pick the other up.We also make sure that we have a little time(a couple hours)away for ourselves. Autism probably caused us to bond in a way we may not have- over the profound love we have– to overcome living with Autism.
Autistic children show no/little achievement, so there is no sense of satisfaction in raising them.
You’re talking about your own family, right? Autism is a developmental disorder. That means they continue to develop.
Lisa,
thanks for covering this. I’ve also looked hard and never been able to find the source for this “fact”.
This question is something that I’ve wondered about as well. For us the stress was ENORMOUS, but it’s much better now.
To find out what the readers of our blog experienced with divorce and their marriage we put up a poll (http://autismbitestheblog.blogspot.com/).
The question: How’s your marriage? The results:
Strong – 46%
Struggling – 33%
On the Rocks – 12%
Divorced – 7%
Total votes were: 98
So it’s not quite the dire results that we’ve heard so much about.
I have a thought. Although there is much to deal with and think about when it comes to autism, why not “Does Autism in the Family Lead to…..” and talk about the greater things kids have achieved? Why persist on a so called lingering doom. It’s like suggesting the inevitable meltdown, but inevitable divorce. Depressing to say the least and it’s hardly any way to promote autism. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the topic overall. But bologna is bologna any way you look at the stats and more or less and it is nice to discuss it, but why not add problem solving solutions for those who think their marriages/ relationships are on the rocks? Maybe some of us as parents are not as adaptive as we hoped we could be? Maybe we’re not looking at the smaller greater things that our kids CAN do and cant get past all their ‘they cant’?
Bottom line, no where does it state that when there is divorce, that the other parent ends their relationship with their child. That’s what’s most important than that adult relationship ending, isn’t that the question, really? And even if that other parent does end the relationship with the child, got news; that happens all the time in typical families as well and happened when I was a kid.
Autism is a severe stresser on our marriage. I actually spend each weekend trying hard not to argue with my husband (over petty things, even). There is zero time (or in my case, desire) to spend time alone together as a couple. Neither one of us feels supported by the other. I feel completely unappreciated as a stay-at-home parent. Autistic children show no/little achievement, so there is no sense of satisfaction in raising them. My husband feels stressed out by work and frankly, I don’t have any emotional energy left to give him support either.
We are limited in our social interactions by our children’s behaviors and lack of development. When you have autistic children, you are really on the outside looking in. No getting together with other families on the weekends. No children’s birthday parties. Trips to the zoo are very brief and limited. Any time spent with others on holidays is shortened by children’s acting out/tantrums. It’s definitely an isolating lifestyle when autism is in the family.
Whackamole, You post is pretty depressing. I am sure you are not up for any advice based on the tone in your comment, but you should go see the movie http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/ or read Dr. Laura’s “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. If you were to take a leap and show your husband support, I suspect that you would be surprised. You can only control you, not him.
“Autistic children show no/little achievement, so there is no sense of satisfaction in raising them.” – You get no satisfaction out of your kids? This statement is just not true and your attitude probably impacts them as much as anything.
I am not trying to jump your case, but I hate to hear someone sound so hopeless.
As far as I’m concerned, this is an urban myth. Reality-based, but exagerrated.
A couple years ago I tried to find out how they came up with this 80% (plus/minus) divorce rate statistic. This is all I managed to find:
“Siegal (2001) suggests that the divorce rate for couples with a child with autism is the same as that for the rest of the population. This figure, however, only applies to the USA and has not yet been corroborated. However, in a study by Bromley et al (2002), one in three families were lone parents. The Autism Awareness Week report (Broach et al, 2003) showed a lone parent rate of 17%, compared with a 10% national average for the UK.”
Source: http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=307&a=3342
I’ve always wondered if the purportedly high divorce rate among parents of children of autism was partly due to undiagnosed autism in the husband or wife. I learned that a Dutch study showed a 80% divorce rate for adults with Aspergers, but I didn’t make note of the source.
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It seems that the system is set up for families to fail.
I know of many couples that are married…but not to their origional partners.
Stress: The thing that sets families with autism apart is LIFELONG STRESS….INTENSIVE stress… draining stress…
Diagnosis/Ed/Healthcare/Therapy/Family/Sibling/Partner/Job…can create more stress depending on how the parents are able to cope and COMMUNICATE…many couples focus becomes the child (and autism)…to fight/learn all they can.(Survival Mode)
Some couples blame eachother when goals are not met.Some blame the partner doing the “work”….after all one partner did not see “results”. Get’s angry and wants/tries to take “control” of the situation.
The INTESINTY…is what gets us..the system is “advertised” as “supports/wrap around services” all sound nice…but are very rare to come by in the intensive nature needed.
Our kids do not just “misbehave”….they can frequently never speak/learn life/skills /injur themselves/others w/o proper care…
Those that do speak and learn appear “ok” to the ed/support systems they do not meet present criteria for services..(but the medical feild requires them) these are the kids with severe anxiety/social emotional deficites…they will not learn completely on their own…I fear they will become the homeless when their parents/caretakers pass away.
Families can not afford=more stress (we feel like failures) Then the system will offer MORE help/support/services to those that are divorced (single parent families)
Govt services can step in and acuse families of not doing their jobs..because the child is not recieving required srevices.They force families who can not pay…to pay..
On and on it goes…exhausting.
Then you have the autistic tendenies inherant in some families…that only “blossom” under stress.
How about parents health…long term stress takes a toll on our bodies…wakig endlessly at night to be sure the family is safe…you are on eggshells and alert.(Post tramatic stress?)
Siblings crave one-one attention and peace…something that can be hard to come by at times.
On and on it goes…like autism…it is the INTENSITY,and continous assult on relationships that can tear couples apart in the end..after years.
Some just can not accept/deal with the diagnosis and view their child as “broken.” It is human nature…usualy they are not trying to be mean.They have never dealt with this/have the tools or means to.
Are you tired after reading this? That is how the couples feel. Now your partner wants attention/some loving conversation? What would you say in the 20th year of this?
I believe that autism can ruin a relationship. I was married (happily) for eight years but we had been together a total of 13 years and we got the diagnosis of our son having PDD and ADHD. He fell apart while I got much stronger and did all things possible to get help.
My ex-husband could not handle all the stress of a special need child. I think his image of how his son was going to turn out was shattered. He left us one day about 6 years ago and we have had no contact with him ever since. I think it is so sad to grow up with out a father but I think it would be worse to grow up with an unsupportive father.
It’s not always a bad thing to be doing this on your own and you may some day meet someone who can make your life so much more complete and fulfilling.
So, eventhough divorce might be higher with children with autism it’s not always a bad thing. We just have to get through alot before we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hello,
Thanks for this post. I moderate the Easter Seals autism blog
In August of 2007 we published a post called “Divorce and disability: is it all a lie?”
http://autismblog.easterseals.com/divorce-and-disability-is-it-all-a-lie/
From that blog post:
“After a bit of digging, I found a report from the
National Center on Accessibility
Called
“Becoming a Resilient Family: Child Disability and the Family System.”
The report says that despite the general impression that parents who have a child with a disability are more likely to get divorced, “there has been limited
research in this area and it is inconclusive.”
It’s all interesting, really. No one has ever questioned me about the high divorce rate among parents of children with disabilities. Everyone knows families
experience challenges as a result of the disability, but maybe we need to give our kids – and ourselves – more credit. Let’s talk about the closeness a
family can feel as a result of the shared experience.”
This relates mainly to finances, but applies here as well.
http://www.drlaurablog.com/2008/10/13/do-financial-crises-cause-marital-crises/
When things go wrong, turn TO each other with compassion, solace, and a pledge to be a team and work it through together, survive it together, brainstorm together, and work together. No matter how sad you feel, this is the time for lots of attention and great sex. Endorphins and orgasms go a long way to keeping you both cheerful about life and life with each other.
I wrote a blog a week or so ago called: The Gifts of Our Parents: How They Help Our Children. In it I touched on the national divorce rate and the divorce rate of couples dealing with autism. You can read it by clicking on this: http://tinyurl.com/4lgj4l.
I too am of the belief that autism will either make a marriage stronger or destroy a marriage that is all ready weak. I got lucky; my marriage was a bit rocky when the diagnosis came down on my now 11 year old son. That diagnosis saved my marriage and helped my husband and I put the emphasis where it should have been from the start; on our children.
Believe it or not I am thankful for autism. It has helped make all of us better human beings. If that’s all we ever get out of it (and there are plenty more pluses) then that’s enough for me.
DEB
I have a 22 year old son with Autism, as I have lectured and supported many families over the years my own personnel belief is that divorce among families with autistic children is so high because men find it very hard to admit to their friends and work mates that they have sired a child with a disability, not quite something you can be proud of. More so if it is a son, not so much a daughter. If you think of the animal kingdom when a litter has a runt or a cub in it, with something wrong, what do they do. The parents leave it!! Men are not emotionally strong to cope with their own children with a disability, and I really do feel it is always boys, they are not in control. Children with Autism I feel are the hardest children to look after, I also work in the area of disabilities. When I air my views to other mothers I really can’t remember anyone not agreeing with me. Now here is the thing, I have a very supportive husband, but then I am the dominant one in our relationship, I am the extrovert he is the introvert, so maybe that has some bearing as well. Hope this makes sense to some of you.
Let me first say that my husband and I have been married for 25 years and we have two teens with autism, and although pretty happy, it hasn’t always been easy. Marriage, with or without autism, is hard work. I once met a mom who was a widow and was raising a son on the spectrum and an NT daughter. I felt so bad for her and expressed how hard I thought it must be for her to parent them alone. Her answer shocked me. She said, “Oh No…I think you have it much harder….After meeting the needs of my son and daughter, I have nothing left to give at the end of the day…I’d have no strength to nurture a relationship, too!” Wow. Incredible insight.
I, too, have tried to find a credible source for the supposed 80% divorce rate. The best explanation that I ever read about this issue came from Dr. Robert Naseef’s website. As a clinical psychologist and father of a young man with autism, Dr. Naseef had observed in his practice that the stress of autism is more likely to break up a couple (and here is the important part) WHOSE RELATIONSIP IS PROBABLY ALREADY STRAINED TO BEGIN WITH. The stress of autism can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
To all the individuals with autism out there reading these comments and feeling that YOU personally are being blamed for the cause of parents breaking up, let me express that I find the more stressful part of raising two children with autism NOT being with my kids themselves (who are totally awesome), but with the REST OF SOCIETY who can be cruel, ignorant, and unyielding. I have also observed that the intense FIGHTING with the SERVICE SYSTEMS that are supposed to be in place help us causes parents to wear down, so, like my friend said, there is nothing left to give to fostering a marriage!!
So, in many instances of divorce, I think that it is more likely the stress from navigating our educational, health and human service, and insurance systems that drain us and in turn, cause marriage difficulty!!!
One parent usually can’t take. It sure worked out for me that way.My child is high functioning very intelligent Aspergers but her skewed perception of social cues led to rage on her part expressed with much swearing. I knew not to take it personal but her father just couldn’t. I ended up feeling as if I had to choose between my teenage child who needed me whether she liked it or not or my husband who did not. So I filed for divorce because the tension in the home was making me ill and I assumed I would be helping my child for sometime and needed to be healthy to be able to. She is in her mid-twenties now and is still dependent (though unappreciative) on me. Unfortunately she was only recently diagnosed. Fun Fun
Are you sure that the comment didn’t mean parents that have autism, as my ex-husband may have had, undiagnosed, may cause divorce.
Families may be able to get free respite care in their area and should definitely look into it. The above website is searchable by area, and agencies will work with families to find great caregivers who are screened, trained, and can be available when the family needs a short break. Respite has been a lifesaver for us and our marriage!!!
I don’t know what the divorce reality is nationally, but I do know that every couple we know with an autistic child is divorced, with one exception where the father died. Autism ranges from mild to extremely severe. That’s got to have a bearing on the situation. For families where a child with autism is severely destructive or violent, non-communicative, etc., the rate has got to be higher.
“Whackamole” hits it on the head with a 20 pound sledge. My wife and I go through the same thing day in, day out, year in, year out. People who say that having kids changes your whole life; well, having an autistic child 100% changes your life, AND turns it upside down. We live in our own world basically. Extended family don’t understand, and NO ONE can say the “right” thing to parents with an autistic child, therefore we avoid them. Strangers are much better to talk to then family in these matters. I believe that my wife and I will make it through this; we’re beginning to envision our lives in the future, realizing that our child will be with us for all of it, and look to provide for her once we die. And in the mean time, take a deep breath and fight for everything you can to provide, developmentally, for the child. Aside from the state of Wisconsin, most states really suck at this; have no programs, money or staff to develop an autistic child. And the private therapists cost a TON of money and, I believe, running a mini racket – they should be ashamed of themselves. All I can say is look to the future, where you would like to be, what goals to set, how to get there, and realizing that deep down inside, you want to all arrive at that goal TOGETHER.
Sherri,
I completely agree w/ all that u said!!! I am divorced, 4 children: 15 year old w/ADHD and Asperger’s, 10 w/ADHD, 8 year old w/Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum, Microdeletion, dev delayed, g-tube, wheelchair-dep, AND finally, baby is 20 months, so far doing well!
I love my kids! AND I run the gamut on emotions w/my kids and TOWARds them. I don’t judge parents of special needs kids voicing their feelings because I have been in their shoes at one time or another, just may not hav said it!
My marriage was already rocky, and when my 8-yr old (more involved medical needs) came along, it was the straw that broke us!
I agree with the high divorce rate myself! I am a stay at home mom of two autistic children, plus, a husband who is an undiagnosed Aspbergers. Our marriage is on the verge of a divorce! The toll it takes is incredible. God knows, it’s no one’s fault, it’s just the way things happened. Just about all of the responsibilites have been on me, and I have completely burned out.
I am divorcing my wife of 13 years. We are nearing the end of the settlment phase. We have one autistic kid and one PPD and one NT. I feel I am only a paycheck to her. The last time we had sex was 2005. I can’t get her to sit down and talk, we had to go to the mediator’s office to do any of that. We had a social worker almost take our kids away because she never cleaned the hour or did house work, and the worker said since the kids were old enough to be in school there wasn’t an excuse for this work not to be done.
If I get a divorce to escape the stress (mostly from my wife, not kids) I get reamed in child support/maintenance fees since she can’t have a job. Why should I bother to work at a stressful $70K job when 70% of that will be confiscated from me? How am I supposed to find someone who will stay with me when I bring home $22K/year??? Then I hear of states which have LIFE LONG child support for disabled kids??? Our lives and dreams have already been smashed, now the govt wants to smash us financially as well??? Seriously I think that sometimes the only way out actually is ‘Til death do us part’.
Estranged hubby is filing divorce (again). He tried 5 years ago and his lawyer gave up because I counterfiled with NO divorce with autism family counselling instead, but included my requests of permanent relief due to disabled dependecy of our son , if court granted hubby’s divorce. Hubby abandoned me and son 9 years ago after 21 year marriage. Son was CORRECTLY diagnosed with congenital neurological disorder of Asperger’s Syndrome two years 2 months years after hubby left. Of course, son had myriad of mis-”diagnosis” his whole life up to that point, ranging from “emotionally handicapped” in childhood to “schizophrenia” in late teens. Son fits all criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome , and his symptoms are acute so he is on permanent meds of Abilify and Flouxetine, which is covered by Medicaid. However, his two specialists do not accept Medicaid, one takes my private insurance and the other only accepts cash. Our general practitioner only accepts my private insurance as well, so this leaves me holding the bag with all of our son’s out of pocket medical expenses. Son has attended community college for nine years, on my nickel, and will graduate next year with an AA! Hubby will apparently have his permanent disability of denial all of his life , and refuses to admit to our son’s dependency on me. I will represent myself at mediation again, and show the facts of life and the bottom line , again. Only time will tell if this ever goes before a real live judge. Keep me and my son in your prayers!