Your Advice Requested: How to Handle Autistic Behavior in a Public Setting
Saturday July 28, 2007
You walk into a store, a mall, a playground and your child with autism melts down, acts out, or otherwise causes a ruckus. Instead of understanding smiles or a little help, you're greeted with cold stares or, even worse, outright anger or harsh criticism.
This kind of experience is extremely tough for parents coping with profound autism. It can be just as bad for parents of children with high functioning autism or Asperger syndrome. Your child may look perfectly typical, and then suddenly collapse in a tantrum over what seems like nothing. It's then that the critics attack. "You need to discipline that child!" "He's too old to be behaving like that!" and so forth.
One mother placed this post in the About.com Forum:
I’ve started limiting how often we go out because of the problems that arise. My son does alright at the grocery store because he confined to a cart but at restaurants he is all over the place, under the table, running up to other customers. And when he decides he doesn’t want to leave he lies on the floor. I literally have to drag him out kicking and screaming, which isn’t easy with his baby brother in tow. I’m so tired of the dirty looks. One mother even went as far as to tell me what a horrible job I was doing. It’s enough to keep us indoors. Any advice from the veterans out there would really help.I haven't dealt with this since my son was quite young - small enough to scoop up and carry out of the store. But for those who can't or choose not to escape the stares but confront them, an option is to hand out Autism Awareness cards to "concerned" adults. These cards explain autism, and offer suggestions as to how to be helpful and supportive rather than critical and mean-spirited!
Do you have suggestions for this mom? Have you used Autism Awareness cards? What reactions have you received?
Looking for a snappy answer to an annoying comment? Give these a whirl (assuming you're not planning a return visit anytime soon!).
Comments
When considering cause and affect, a parent needs to choose a form a discipline that will work at all places and remain consistent. Many children with autism rely on routine and this also includes cause and reaction to behavior. A parent has to pick something that will work at all places they’re at.
My son couldn’t handle the grocery store or the cart, not a restaurant either or a clinic. Any where that many people, smells and sounds were, my son could not handle. We ate in shifts, one tried to grabbed my son while the other ate, the one who had the job of child first, always came back to cold food. For my child, there was too many people, and a total sensory overload. Not sure how old your child is, brushing and compressions could help prior to going out to eat. Nothing helped my child, it was too over-loading for him. An O.T therapist helped a lot, introducing him to sensory conflicts and working him through it. A social story can help, but depending the age of the child, these public skills are a learned skill over time.
I didn’t mind the dirty looks, my son was miserable and it filtered through to all there, including me. And it never failed, direct eye contact to my child which made it worse. I choose to wait. For two years he never entered a store or a restaurant unless it was more child oriented like McDonald’s. Some children are just not going to do well in certain settings.
Try brushing and compressions shortly before going
Talk with an O.T about sensory triggers
Try noise reducing head phones, back ground noises of many people chattering can be very difficult for kids with autism.
Try going in short sessions just to drink a soda and leave there after, and increase the times each time.
Social stories could help (not my child, sensory over load was too much for him to maintain any self control)
At age 8, my son can now handle many places, but he still hides under the table when the waitress comes
good luck
I posted about this recently, but in general terms, what has been most successful for us is repetition = going to the shops often.
I used to take them every day and try and buy one or two items. [I know this is not environmentally friendly]
The regular ‘exposure’ made it more of a ‘routine’ which always helps, but it does take a very long time.
Best wishes and best of luck
My daughter is autisic she was taught through therapy and we have followed through on this when she acts up to have your child take a deep breathe and tell them to relax… The child may have to do this a couple of times… The other thing that I do is have my daughter put her hands in her lap and tell her to count to ten…. Yes this is when she is acting up…. Set the child down and have them do this… One first then the other… I have my daughter sit down and do this when we are out grocery shopping out anywhere in general. She also does this when she is in school…
have used a uk autism awareness card that dosnt go into as much detail as your example but the disorder was known and we just walk away with a quick sorry for troubling you …one couple ventured to my sons school for more info and more info could be obtained from the number on the card…we cant spare the time for lengthy apologies or explanations
We recently (Oct 2006) got our service dog from 4 Paws for Ability and this has made a big difference in our 9 year old in public settings. With oour son tethered to the dog and the dog under a table at dinner or on a lead with us shopping our son is held close. OVerall our son has calmed since there are not people holding his hand constantly.
1) As a reply to rude comments, say, “My child’s autistic. What’s your problem?” (I cannot claim credit for that line, but I forget where I read it.)
2) We found that for many experiences, including going out, “desensitization” (i.e., brief and increasingly more frequent and longer exposure in non-stressed situations) helped build up tolerance. My son learned to ride our commuter train by short trips between stations, for no purpose other than to enjoy the train ride (which he did); for example, he learned about eating at at restaurant at a local dairy convenience store that had a small lunch counter, and at the pizza shop in our supermarket.
In general we haven’t had too many comments, mostly because my son is still a little kid (not 4 yet) and can get away with “childish behavior.” However, as a preventative measure, when I had a 12 hour car trip all alone wtih Bobby, I got a t-shirt that said “I have autism. Please be nice to my mom.” on the front and back. I actually got a few understanding smiles as a result when Bobby was losing his mind in a gas station bathroom.
Our son (age 7) will sometimes behave quite well, but we never know when he will decide to take off running in a supermarket or other places. When he does, it presents a dilemma. He loves to be chased, so chasing after him just reinforces the behavior. On the other hand, he doesn’t always stop when you yell at him, and that means you end up chasing him anyway, after he has a head start.
Holding him firmly by the wrist worked for awhile, but now he resists that and falls down on the floor.
It gets a bit more complicated when his little sister (age 3) is along. By herself, she is usually well-behaved, but when they’re out together, they seem to feed off each others’ bad behavior.
As a result, we have to limit how often we take them anywhere, and think hard about where we take them.
maybe you can try to bring along some of his favourite toys or activities to keep him occupied. children tend to misbehave when they are bored. this is probably temporarily. as time goes by, maybe you can bring books instead. spend time with him, bond with him. prior to the comment made by mike, you can actually tell the child before hand where you are heading to. and that if they misbehave, we will leave immediately. you will then pick him up immediately and leave. you may come back in when he has cooled down. talk to him. they will comprehend. if he does well for that particular trip, reward him with something. it can be anything. remember though, talk to him. tell him about everything that is going on or what he is doing is right or wrong. hope it’s helpful.
Using a visual communication system to help them understand what is going oto happen. Using diversion: music or gameboy whatever helps the child block out the sensory around them.
Knowing what is going to happen next-(using a visual schedule) first we are going here, than there and then we get to grandma’s house. ( or whatever —always plan some kind of reward to look forward to) a video when you get home, a trip to mc donalds. etc.
After two years of preschool, my five year old son will stop all bad behaviors when you either start counting 1-2-3 or say do we have to get the mat? The mat is a tool his one to one aide used in preschool when my son would start to have a screaming and kicking temper tantrum because of transitioning activities. The mat is foam like rubber mat that the teacher would hot dog roll him up in. After his fit would end she would let him out. He prefers to not be in the mat like his peers. He is in kindergarten and he is the smartest and best behaved in the class.
You’re the child’s parent, who cares what other people say. I have an autistic brother and he can be a handful sometimes, but all you have to do is say the work no and tell him to stop. Just try to get him to recognize the word NO. After he recognizes that word it’ll be better.
Good Luck!!!!