Should Parents of a Child with Autism Have More Children?
When I say "we got lucky," I am absolutely serious: Sara, who is not autistic, is probably the best thing that ever happened to Tommy. And, in many ways, Tommy is an extraordinary gift to Sara. They are one another's best friends and supporters, and for years we've said that Sara is a kind of built-in therapist, unwittingly pushing Tom to be his social, engaged and verbal best.
But what if Tom had been diagnosed when he first showed signs of developmental delay - back when we were trying to get pregnant with a second child?
Autism does run in families (certainly ours) -- and who could honestly say that they are eager to raise more than one child with potentially lifelong disabilities?
And even if a second child is not autistic, there are serious potential problems: will a second child be traumatized by living with an autistic brother or sister? will having a disabled sibling create jealousy and anger? And what happens when the parents are gone? Will the second sibling be saddled with lifelong responsibility for a disabled brother or sister?
There are certainly plenty of issues to consider. And Drs. Robert Naseef and Cindy Ariel, both psychologists, have addressed these issues many times, with many special needs families. Read what they have to say on the subject - and add your own thoughts!
Comments
yes they should have more children.i am a wife and mother to 3 children my oldest is 9 and he has autism.my other 2 kids are 61/2 and almost 2.there is nothing wrong with either of them,they are perfectly normal.so,i know that autism is from the mmr shot not from genetics.
this was asked of those parents all the time who were on that TV show that redid their whole house, why did they continue having kids? I loved her answer, too!
nothing in life is for sure. a child could be born with a number of genetic disorder’s. fears prevent many things in life, too.
I didn’t have to make this choice, the choice was more made for me by circumstances but I would have loved to have more than one child.
life but is nothing but a chance. I vote to dare to live it
I have four children, and the youngest has autism — so I had no warning whatsoever. If I had to do it all over again, I would change many things. Sometimes I have to force myself not to get obsessed with what might have been.
I do worry about the other siblings having responsibility for Jalen, but I know they will make sure Jalen is okay. The son closest to his age — Logan, who is 15, has always been very good with Jalen, although of course, sometimes Jalen is hard to take.
Logan is finally starting to stand up for himself more when dealing with Jalen — he used to let Jalen hit him on the head. Jalen would hit Logan when Logan didn’t jump fast enough to do what he wanted — even if what Jalen wanted was something impossible -such as play a new videogame without making any mistakes, for example.
Now Logan is still very caring, but doesn’t let Jalen get too rough with him. He talks with Jalen, hangs out with him in the backyard in the summer, admires his artwork, and hugs him when he’s hurt.
But it’s been hard — there were many things we weren’t able to do as a family because of Jalen’s acting out. His behavior has improved, and so we’re able to do more with him outside the home — which is great!
As the mother of a 21 year old daughter who is challenged with autism, I must admit that she is both challenging and a blessing. Still, after learning of her diagnosis of autism, we chose to bring another life into this world. Prior to doing this, my husband and I went back and forth….Could this happen again?…Will she need all of our attention? Finally, we prayed and made a decision. We were not going to give up our dream of having both a son and daughter.
Now we have a typically developed son. He came along and taught her to tie her shoes and also began to interpret some of her words for mom and dad. He has even sat in on her IEPs and provided input upon requests of a team member. When I conduct Autism workshops, he stands at the door greeting parents and educators.
Like his dad and I, our son feels for his sister, and I’m sure for himself–at times. However, he says he has a fun family. He attends physical therapy with his sister for her orthopedic impairment and as a result of his exposure, he decided to go to school to become a physical therapist, majoring in sports medicine. It is certainly apparent that our son was placed in the right family and has the right sister
Having said that, I would like to quote what I heard someone say years ago. When I first heard it, I thought it was kind of corny, but it is is so true. You can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family members….God does that.”
Our daughter with autism and our typically developed son have been chosen “picked” to be in our family by someone whose thoughts and plans are higher than our own. Life definitely isn’t a bed of roses. But every time we choose to bloom where we have been planted, we find purpose in our journey.
people have to be aware that lots of help is sometimes needed to care for one with autism and some decide not to have a second or a third of their own but be aware when out and about and thinking you are spotting autism in full flow that some are fostered or adopted and the choice is often a difficult one with the decision shared by many professionals
We have a 7 year old son with autism. He has 2 typically developing sisters - ages 11 and 9. If my son had been my first born it would have been a tough decision to have more kids…just realizing the time and care that he needs. Yet, his older sisters have been a tremendous blessing to him so I’m thankful for his sisters. Also, his sisters (although they struggle with their brother in accepting his behaviors) they have been a tremendous blessing in his therapy and also in loving him. They are also a tremendous help to me in caring for him. I’ve always been thankful too - that the girls have each other for support..being able to relate to each other and go through the struggles of life together.
When I was 8 months pregnant with our third child, our second was diagnosed with Autism. At first it was devastating but now I could not imagine life without all three of them! They “complement” each other, they love each other, autistic or not! As the person said before, God chooses our families, I don’t think that we should have that right, what kind of world would this be if we could! Proud mother of three, one being autistic in Ohio.
My son had his MMR shot just days after my daughter was born. So we had no knowledge of his lable. But if we had i really truely don’t know. But what i do know that someone really knew what he was doing because my son and grown so much from my daughter. So has help him more than we will ever know. I am so thankful for that.
I have three son’s they are all on the autism spectrum. But, I must say that we came about this whole lifestyle by the backdoor. By this I mean that our youngest son was the 1st one to be diagnosed with early infantile autism before he was 3. He had suffered a life threatening disease at the age of 15 mo that required a bone marrow transplant and lots of hospitalisation. Autistic traits were noticed very early on in his development, so one thing did not bring on the other. Also when you are faced with losing a child, you are more likely to have made all sorts of bargains with God and are willing to take what comes at you. It was only after our youngest son was diagnosed that we learned more about autism and higher functioning forms of the disorder that it became clear to us that our older two son’s were also on the spectrum. All of my children had signs of sensory issues from day one.
I can’t speak for all cases of autism, but I can tell you that in the case of my family, there is strong evidence of a genetic component. I will also like to say that there is not a day that goes by that I would ever think of changing a thing. My boys help each other and offer insights into the world of autism. They are all very unique in their abbilities and have a lot to offer the world.
I was 1 month pregnant w/ our 3rd son when my 2nd son was diagnosed. The first 2 were vaccinated and I chose not to have #3 vaccinated. It’s a challenge. I wonder how many people have not had their kids vaccinated but still had a child on the spectrum?????
I would LOVE to have another baby. But a few things stop me. Money, I’m 36, and the thought of having ANOTHER male in the house sends me into twitching fits…..God bless all you parents out there. We have one up on the world w/ these kids..
I have a 21 year old son who has Autism, Bipolar and Tourettes, and a 24 year old typical daughter.
Last week my daughter spoke to a group Grandparents of children with Autism. She was part of a panel of siblings who spoke about her experiences growing up with Autism.
She said over and over and over that all of the difficult and challenging times, along with all of the wonderful times made her a better, stronger, more self sufficient and more compassionate person. We went through a few years of severely challenging behavior with my son and things were not all easy for any of us. We were also very frank wither when they were both young. He needed more attention so she was just going to have to deal with it. She would get more attention when it was vital for her.
She remembers all this vividly and says she became a better person for it.
As for me and my husband, we decided not to have more children way before our son was diagnosed.
I look back now and see it was a selfish decision that we made when we were too young.
I have regretted for years now not having at least 1 or 2 more children, maybe even 3.
My daughter missed out on having a typical sibling relationship and having brothers or sisters to lean on for support when things were so difficult when my son was young. She is also going to be the only one who will be here for her brother once her Dad and I are gone. She has already adamantly told me she WILL be his guardian and that he WILL live with her.
I also strongly believe that having other children would have been such a wonderful positive thing for my son. Having other siblings, he would have to share my attention with others, there would have been other siblings bringing their friends over, more opportunities for social relationships… I just don’t see anyway that my having more children would have been bad for any of us.
There are no guarantees in life. I know people who had 2 or 3 typical children. One family’s child was in a car accident and became brain damaged and paraplegic; another family had a toddler die from a rare disorder. Anytime you have a child there are A LOT or REAL risks every single day that go way beyond Autism. If you are afraid you might have another child with Autism, you should probably stop and think millions of things that might go wrong or might happen. And if everyone stopped and thought about all of those things then no one would probably ever have any children.
I have two children on the spectrum - one immunized and one not - kind of refutes the vaccination theory don’t you think?
Are some of you out of your ever-loving minds? If you already have autistic children, you are talking about making more? Seems to me the vaccine companies aren’t the only ones to blame here with this going on… Shame on you!