Your Advice Requested: How to Keep a Child with Autism from Turning Your Home Upside Down?
Wednesday March 7, 2007
A reader writes:
My 30 month old son has recently been diagnosed with Autism. I need some advice because he is doing some things that i can't seem to stop him doing. Firstly he keeps emptying everything (dirty washing baskets, wardrobes, drawers of clothes, stripping the bed) and he hides under it for hours, when i try to distract him with something else he has a big tantrum. He has an obsession with string/wool, numbers and buses. Everyday tasks are impossible, he hates new clothes, hates having a bath, hates going shopping, hates it if we go somewhere new, hates having his hair cut, hates the vacumm cleaner on and other things which can't be avoided. He can talk a little bit - not much and he doesnt really understand anything you say to him, most of when he says is just repeating what he has heard you say to him. Please if anyone has any advice i would love to hear from you.Clearly, this little guy has enormous sensory cravings, and needs some outlets. Occupational and/or sensory integration therapy would almost certainly help. But therapy, at best, happens only once a week. How can his mom handle daily tasks while also caring for and supporting her son's special needs?
Comments
my son was all those things and still is with some. toy/ basket dumping was a biggie and you couldn’t touch a dumped item, not a one. I have always thought there was rhyme and reason to my sons messes. he can find it in a mess, cant when it’s picked up. don’t under estimate what a non verbal child understands. my child was non verbal until just about 5 yrs old, and when he began to talk functionally, he spoke of memories as early as 1 yrs old. now he lacked expressive language so it took me time to figure out what he was saying. I stopped putting laundry away while my son was awake, and if I had to, I gave him his very own basket.
. age 30 months is a hard age. I have always thought ages 2, 3 and into 4 was our hardest, and the hardest for my son. but it can get better as the child gets older. we just have to survive 
the best thing you really can do, is the more you do the things your child doesn’t like, the more he will adapt. a big mistake parents make is avoiding all tings a child hates. they then never get the opportunity to adjust and learn to adjust. brushing and compressions can be done at home, just need an O.T for instruction or a good reliable web site. our in home therapist many years ago said kids change and so does the things they like and do. this was true for my child. the dumping long ended but not the cluttered messy room. going into store got better as he got older. still cant have a laundry basket in sight and not expect it to turn into a boat or turtle shell
good luck
Sandy, you said it perfectly. I would just add that we ask my son to do things he doesn’t like gradually, for example start with a sponge bath, then just sit in the tub, then just one inch of water, for as many days or weeks as it takes. Or cut one lock of hair a day, so you stop before he goes over the edge. I agree that your son probably has a method to his mad messes that is completely logical to him. Hang in there, that age is tough, when somebody always has to be watching him. Make sure you get a lawyer so he gets into a good school for children with autism (preferably paid for by your school board). Prozac (brand only) has been a miracle for us, but it only works for kids who have a family history of depression. Good luck from me, too. You and your son will definitely make contributions to this world.
I had a little sleep and can add more of what we tried. for hair cuts, it took years to go to great clips. (recently the lady used a blow dryer to blow away the hair and I couldn’t get there fast enough to stop her. since thing, I haven’t got my son back to great clips. I started using my blow dryer with him in that years time, so he might be ready to go back). so I cut his hair myself. it could take 1 to 2 weeks to complete one hair cut! I found that if I bought real cool tub toys, my son would be so intently into them, I bent over the bath tub and cut away. I focused on the front bangs and sides, and left the back alone for fear of pressing my luck. I do have proof in pictures as to how long the back of his hair was, and what happens when a kid decides to run during mid-snip.
my living room back then was a train track maze, and you couldn’t touch a thing. he knew if it was moved a millimeter. I also wasn’t allowed to play with him. I purposely touched those toys, and slowly (nothing too drastic) I moved things on purpose slowly too. change is very difficult for many kids, and I worked through this at home with him so later he could deal with it in the ‘world’. I dared to pick up all the tracks on my living room floor once a month to vacuum, and our ears paid dearly. plus he knew exactly how the track was set up but we never remembered, so I started taking digital pictures before I cleaned up so we could put the tracks just the same way they were. I have pictures too of my living room and my sons room
when I was working back then at age 2 and 3, I had to get up 2 hours early to factor in the getting dressed part. my son has no sensory issues to clothing, he just has issues with changing clothes period. he can live in the same clothes forever if left up to him. I also had to factor in the back seat driver who remembered each route taken but could only growl at the time, most of our trips ended up in him throwing up. I wish in those days I could have afforded a DVD player for my car. trips would have been so much nicer.
the main thing of my story, is we each find what works for us and our kids. we as much have to alter our lives as we ask our kids to alter theirs. I found a spotless house wasn’t worth the 2 hour screaming. straight hair cuts, what’s that? I had a bin of blocks just for dumping. in our house, we dragged our feet when we walked, to push the toys aside as we went. now my husband thought we should pick up toys at the end of each night, and a house should be spotless. maybe this would happen with some body elses kid but it certainly wasn’t going to happen with my kid! anytime we went to other people houses with kids, I’d be sure to point out it wasn’t flawless and their kids didn’t even have autism to deal with. I personally believe a fit is a means of expression, and my son did have a right to express his fits. as he got older, he could throw as many fits as he wanted, I took control of where he had them. I chose the bathroom since he has a throwing up issue, being closer to the toilet was a good thing. but it took a long time for him to be developmentally ready to direct his melt downs.
find a support group of some kind, talk to others and get ideas that might work for you. there is also something that just gives comfort knowing others have been there too, with pictures to say, you are certainly not alone in dealing with these things.
One thing that may work with the child being unwilling to wear new clothes is to wash them a couple of times first. If it’s the feeling he gets from the new clothes that bothers him, this will make the clothes feel like the same worn out clothes he’s worn before. (Try on a new shirt and feel the difference in it after you’ve washed it a few times, and you can feel the difference..I love the new clothes feeling, but your child may hate it). If it’s because it’s different, not the feeling but the look, either try buying clothes the same as what he has but larger (a nearly impossible task) or keep working on it until you’ve desensitized him. We’ve had to do that with one child I work with who hates sweaters/jackets, and in the winter it’s just too hard to go without them! Now, after working with him day after day, he doesn’t want to take them off. Another battle, but at least we kept him from freezing during the winter! Good luck!
I have a 12 year old son with Autism that was diagnosed at the age of 2. Many of the things you talked about that concerns you can be researched easily on the internet. I learned a lot from personal research and talking with other parents with children diagnosed with Autism. We had a big issue with his clothes. We found that if you tear the tag out his shirts that makes a big difference as well as washing new garments 2-3 times. The texture of the tag rubs their skin, and it is obviously uncomfortable. Also a heavy perfumed laundry detergent can annoy them as well. I know this may be a problem if you are one that donates clothes. Once I decided to choose my battles many of these behaviors just don’t bother me as much. Our kids are very unique and we have to accept some of their ways. Check with your Pediatrician or Pediatric Neurologist to get the best services available for your child. When you talked about your son pulling the sheets off the bed that is oh so familiar to me. I give my son a blanket or sheet and he hides under it or wraps it tightly around his body. This is a form of stimulations for them (a comfort). He rolls up in the sheet and that keeps him from tearing up my bed. Playing with strings and various objects that have a can be twirled. That is just one of the many things they just enjoy doing. I am currently writing a book about my son. I would love to share more thoughts with you at a later time. God Bless!!
It’s funny how much in common your son and my 12 year old have, especially the dumping of the toy box and haircuts. My son is still a ‘Barney’ fanatic, and collects Barney videos. We take him to a place in the mall called ‘Cartoon Cuts’, and he picks out video and watches it while his hair is cut.
While he is still minimumly ‘non-verbal’, he will muster up the words needed when he truly wants something. He is now accepting the fact that he can’t go to ‘Ha Video’ everyday, and that when we do go, he gets 5 minutes to pick out a new one to take home (although he has muliples of all of them), he likes the routine of simply going.
I have to comment on one positive side of his autism…. he cannot tell a lie. We recently purchased a Carvel Ice Cream cake, which he kept trying to get to before he finished his dinner. While unsuccessful, he put him hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye and said “Daddy… bye-bye”, which meant that he wanted me (and my wife, since he did the same to her) to leave the room giving him access to the cake. When my wife asked if he wanted us to leave so he could be ‘bad’, he replied to the affirmative.
These kids are so sweet and innocent, and it’s a shame that their disfunction seems to be ignored by our politicians. I’d like to see more money diverted from those who can function normally, but choose not to, and given for our innocent children who truly need our help.
George M, Chesapeake VA
My son was a dumping maniac when he was two and three. It was extremely overwhelming! He’d clear everything off of every table — dining room table, coffee table, night tables. He’d clear everything off of any counters. He grabbed all the books from the bookshelves and threw them on the floor. While I was busy cleaning up one mess, my other children would call me because he was in the kitchen dumping all the milk and juice from the fridge onto the floor. It didn’t seem to meet a sensory need — it was more like his brain was so scrambled that somehow he thought things should all be cleared! He also used to scratch us and have hours-long tantrums. We started a home program with the early intervention people. The consultant set up a program for the aides to implement at home, and also we had visits from an occupational therapists who have us ideas, and speech therapy once a week at the home also. He did some ABA type stuff, behavioral intervention, with the aides as well as floor time stuff, and play. At the end of each 3-hour home program day, we’d have circle time with Jalen, the aide, me and his siblings. His behavior improved markedly after that — the dumping almost completely disappeared, the hitting and scratching diminished, and the tantrums diminished. He still had other problems — speech came along VERY slowly, and he was a “runner” for awhile — but at least we made some good progress. Those days are like a fog to me — I don’t know how his siblings and I got through it!
Cynthia
I remember when my autistic son was 3-4 years old. There would be periods where I seemed to be running from disaster to disaster – picking up one mess while he was creating another. He also seemed to hate all forms of hygiene/dressing, and it was a fight and a struggle all day long. It got better with time, but it would have gotten better quicker if I had understood his sensory issues back then (I didn’t have a clue about this until he got his autism diagnosis at age 7).
To learn about sensory issues, you could try the book “Raising a Sensory Smart Child” by Biel and Peske.
You can also do this online checklist:
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html
Good luck with everything!
I have a 6 year old totally non-verbal Grandson. Make lots of different sounds but nothing we understand. Just wanted to say God Bless to all the Parents, Grandparents and especially the children. Research is so needed to find how to help these children.
My son is four and he went through the same “dump all the drawers” game. He also has a lot of self injury problems, hated hair washing and hair cuts, brushing teeth, hates change and from age 2-3 1/2 he also liked to make disasters regularly. I found the more activities I gave him, the behaviors decreased. We started singing while he brushes his teeth and it helped!
My son is 5 – was never into dumping toys but I can identify with the haircut issue. I currently set my alarm for 2 AM when he is sound asleep to cut his hair. It usually takes 3-4 nights to get it all cut. We had one traumatic haircut when he was about age 3 and watching a video while I cut his hair. He reached back quickly and grabbed the scissors and threw them at the wall. He cut his palm badly and the gushing blood totally freaked him out. He ran from room to room, leaving bloody handprints everywhere. I finally got him into the tub where he washed up and stopped bleeding, but ever since then he has not let scissors near his head when awake!
God bless all the parents, children, siblings and grandparents dealing with ASD!
I can relate.. If he likes to crawl in and under things a box or pup tent can be good.A VERY heavy blanket might help too.He feels safe this way and it filters out noise and other stimulating things. I used to cut my son’s hair when he was asleep. It made for a strange hair cut (bowl type) but at least it got it out of his eyes. Sounds like he is easily over stimulated . It may be best to leave him at home (with a sitter or friend or relative) til he gets older. If he is repeating what you say (echolalia) Then start telling him how to answer your questions.. This is how we taught our son to respond. Start with yes or no answers. e.i. do you want juice ? yes or no? Ah yes…say yes… good!! Here is the juice! Like that , if that makes sense. It takes time and a ton of patience, but it will improve!!!Hang in there!!!
Our son is 7 now and was about 2 1/2 and in Early Intervention when diagnosed with autism. He still dumps his videos and books on the floor sometimes and gets into the refrigerator and bathroom cupboards a lot. We put a child-proof lock on the refrigerator and try to keep the house “baby-proofed” as much as practical. We also try to keep the basement and exterior doors locked because he has a tendency to wander.
Occupational therapy and Speech Therapy(2 or 3 times a week, each, at school and physical therapy once a week) have helped tremendously, it just takes a lot of time, repetition and patience. He is also on a gluten-free, dairy-free diet. The results from that were a long time coming and subtle but, I think it helps make him less hyper and more able to focus. He isn’t on any prescription medication but his doctor prescribed many vitamin and mineral supplements.
I try to get as much shopping and housework done as possible while he’s at school. When we take him out, if we take him to McDonald’s for french fries first, he’s very happy to go along on some errands. If we drive by the arches without stopping, he has a tantrum. For his haircuts, I hold him in my lap while my husband cuts his hair with clippers. Our goal is to keep him in a “buzz-cut” so the hair that touches him is minimal. We figure if we do it more often he’ll get used to it. It’s hard for all of us to make him do the things that upset him so much. Towels fall off us too easily so, getting a couple of barber smocks is on my to-do list.
He is still mostly non-verbal. He repeats a few words that we want him to say for us. He’s had success at school using PECS. He’s been using an augmentative communication device called a “GoTalk” for a few weeks which is helping a lot.
I try not to underestimate how much he understands of what he hears. Anything that gets in without a sensory thing interfering is heard and understood. The hardest thing for him is getting the things he’s thinking in his head to come out. Now that he knows he can use “positive body language” and PECS pictures to communicate, he spends less time frustrated and having tantrums.
Namaste
Hey, these posts were great! It’s soooo nice to see that you all are dealing with mess makers too…it actually feels a lot better. I typed in autism messy room in google and this page came up…well alas, I only have one idea…put his dresser in my room (I can only refold so many times) and my sister suggested putting his toys in the top shelf of closet and he use pictures of the items (digital cam or sears catalogue) to request them, and when he wants more we pick it up together – just like the therapist does, when they visit with their bin of toys. Now this will take some effort, but I’ll do it—and he is the request line king —so he will interrupt me more than desired….but hopefully it will be nicer than picking everything (literally) up in his room again…again…and…sigh
my son is nearly 11 and my house is always in turmoil anything and everything goes on the floor which makes me insane and impossible to have visitors. after 11 years i wonder if i’l make it but i guess loving them is how you do it. he is gorgeous and as we are alone we are very close but all his behaviours have been extremely dificult over the years and i have pure empathy for all parents/mothers who are trying to cope. as they get older certain behaviours get better but those that dont can be very hard to deal with i so crave a tidy homey house but alas i will have to wait many more years for that to happen. even as i write this i am not undisturbed and am sitting amongst toys washing paperwork upside down loungethe works! you all deserve a medal and i hope for all of you that it gets better soon all i know is we love them and that hopefully is enough to survive. keep your chin up and smile smile smile!!!!