Daughter of Singer Burt Bacharach Commits Suicide "To Escape Asperger's"

I was saddened to hear of her death – an only child, what a horrible blow for her parents – and disgusted to learn that it was in part due to ‘the ravages of Asperger’s syndrome’.

I know many people who can function just fine with Asperger’s. It’s not a condition to escape, it’s a way of being to be respected with and in its own way, celebrated. The family’s press release on this tragic death is a slap to autistics everywhere.

My sincere condolences to Angie Dickinson and Burt Bacharach on their loss, but I could wish they’d been more careful in how they announced it.

Incredibly sad news. Let’s assume that the family was so shaken by her unexpected and tragic death that they gave the job of wording the press release to someone who didn’t understand the nature of autism spectrum disorders.

Her death is a sad reminder that a lot of people with autism suffer from anxiety, depression and other psychological conditions. The problems often go undetected, especially if the person’s communication skills are limited.

More research and awareness is needed, along with special training for mental health professionals.

Although I can appreciate the sensitivity of attributing suicide to Aspergers syndrome, speaking out in any way increases the awareness of Autism Spectrum Disorders.
I would question whether there is an increased risk of suicide in any degree of the “spectrum” that has been documented?
However, I respect any parents right to not use the tragic loss of their child as opportunity to further a cause beyond the extent that they wish, despite their celebrity.

This idea of referring her death to the ravages of Asperger’s Syndrome is a complete cover-up of depression, where the parents were not able to accept that their daughter did have real, suicidal depression.

It would be the same if she had that form of depression and a sore throat; the parents would not attempt to acknowledge the depression, but blame her suicide on the ravages of a sore throat.

Is truth just too painful, these days?

This story is very sad. Despite the reasoning, suicide is painful and tragic. I think depression was the direct influence on the daughter’s actions, but I think it is quite likely that Asperger’s caused the depression. I see my daughter and how “different” she appears and how people relate to her, having SPD and mild autism, and I wonder how she feels about herself. I think it is hard to live with the criticism, the labels, the frustration of an ASD. Without the proper support and/or treatment, I can see were someone with an ASD would feel the need to escape. It is true that the wording of this press release could be confusing to someone without knowledge of Asperger’s, but for someone who an ASD has greatly affected, the release can be identified with and it is heart breaking.

I saw a post about this on another site. The comments here are mostly far more forgiving of the parents than the other site.

I am giving the parents the benefit of the doubt — perhaps they understood their daughter’s suicide was due to depression, but because they think Asperger’s (in her particular case) made her more vulnerable to depression, they blamed Asperger’s. I think that is understandable, and that we need to be a little more compassionate about the parents at this time.

Also, many people with Asperger’s don’t get the diagnosis until later — it could be they didn’t know much about the disorder, other than that it appeared to them to very problematic for their daughter. Maybe they don’t know other people with Asperger’s.
On one site, it was disturbing to see people saying that her parents were probably mean and rejecting and that they were the cause of her unhappiness and suicide. They do not know the parents, so to jump to that conclusion seems very mean-spirited and irrational.

Of course, it could be that they weren’t the best parents — but we don’t know that, and this kind of negative speculate without any evidence is sad.

Again, depression would appear to be the real culprit — but we really don’t know why this particular person with Asperger’s killed herself. Those who are concerned about the image of Asperger’s in the media, might gently point out how well many people with Asperger’s fare, and bring up the depression issue. But we can do it without slamming the parents.

Cynthia

Cynthia

I have AS. Perhaps the statement from the parents was a little dramatic, but may be they spoke from a level of deep frustration at how her condition impacted her life. believe me, it does get REALLY old at times!

Susan M.

I am the mother of a 9 yr old boy with PDD-Nos. Could you please tell me more about how things work for you. I really want to understand him better and I’m not sure how his perceptions differ from my own. His verbal skills are pretty normal for 9, but his perceptions are not. I really appreciate your time.

As the mother of a 5 year old child with Aspergers and ADHD, I feel this statement made by this womans family is wrong. I know they must be devastated to have lost their daughter but to publically state that she committed suicide to escape Asperger’s is not right. I know it can get frustrating at times and its not an easy life but it is workable and when my son was diagnosed it took me awhile to realize it could have been much worse. I don’t think this family realizes the idea now that they are going to put in the head of people who have no idea what Aspergers is. Now they are going to have a preconceived image that is incorrect so now when someone meets my child and finds out that he lives with Aspergers Syndrome they are going to have the thought that he is mentally unstable from it. It’s hard enough trying to explain autism spectrum syndromes to people much less when they have this image in their head. Thank you for letting me share.

I felt a jolt of elctricity as I read the initial statement on teh death of Ms. Bachrach. My first thought was: not another one??? I agree with those who wrote about the role of depression that often occurs alongside Asperger’s. It is urgent that all parents of children and adolescents with Asperger’s take the threat of suicidality very seriously. Those with Asperger’s need a great deal of help to deal with the syndrome and with depression and anxiety. Temple Grandin who notes her own High functioning autism, notes that she survives because of her medication. My son has Asperger’s and I keep my eyes and the lines of communication open. Luckily he is still within my “control” and he knows the importance of his medication.

Let’s not worry about the rightness and wrongness of the parents’ statement. Let’s use this opportunity to onform people about the devastating conditions that are often part and parcel of this complex neurological condition.

My 11 yo AS son has many times stated he wishes he were dead. This due to frustrations on living with Aspergers. Being lonely without friends, the anxiety of school life, the frustration of the world not understanding him and he does not understand the world…that does drive the depression that affects children that understand thier differences. I take his threats seriously but his therapists attribute them as only an expression of frustrations. And the sad part of the disorder is the inability to communicate thier feelings to the world. I am attempting to introduce my son back into Church. My only hope he might have to keep going in life and not give up.

i believe society played a part in this poor womens death. i lost my twin brother at the young age of 32 to suicide , his life was a struggle because of learning disabilities. now every day i experince it with my 4 year little boy who has autism. wake up world–stop judging people of all ages and start learning

God bless all of you struggling with degrees of autism or relatives diagnosed. While I’m not personally affected, I have volunteered in positions that have placed me directly with individuals unable to cope because of autistic behavior and realize the difficulties that they face in the so-called “real world”.
Like a previous post mentioned, I’ve read some really nasty comments aimed toward neglect/abuse by either of or both parents on other sites. What is WRONG with people in this society?

Perhaps humanity let Nikki down, not her autism nor her parents. May she rest in peace and may her parents be allowed to grieve in their own space and time. My heart and prayer go out to Nikki’s family.

That’s not autism or even Asperger’s, that’s more like OCD with a touch of either schizophrenia, bipolar, or other self-destructive disorders. Autism is unto itself NOT a “destructive disorder”, it’s a form someone’s personality and the ability to relate to the rest of humanity may take.
And why, you might wonder, is this anonymous guy trying to talk down to us like he’s an expert?
Well, because I’m autistic and I know better. Take care, don’t assume.

It is very difficult to watch your child with Aspergers’s struggle, especially if they suffer from depression and thoughts/wishes of suicide. This “child” was 40. I wonder how many years she suffered depression and how many “failed” suicide attempt tore their family apart?
Our grown son, with Aspergers’, depression and other “disabilities” tried suicide this year. It is a painful road for everyone. While we struggle to keep our suicidal children alive they resent us for our interference. When people suffer so much for so long maybe there is some sense of relief that she finally found the peace she sought. It rips my heart apart to think we may suffer through this for years on end.
Therapy, treatment…yet only the patient can decide to follow advice, use resources and, untimately, live.
You cannot know or even imagine what living with this is like unless you have been there. I hope you have not. It is a daily struggle. – Aspergers’ or not- the daily worry every time the phone rings without an answer is devestating.
It is very easy to judge. Hope you will never have to walk a mile in their shoes.

Paula, is there any way I could speak with you? (I don’t know how to exchange e-mail addresses in a forum like this.) Your situation sounds a lot like ours, although our boy is only 19. I could use any advice you can give. Thanks.

Paula, I’d like to speak with you too. My AS son is 25. I too could use any advice you can give. Thanks. linda@telthesky.com

I was saddened to hear about Nikki’s suicide. Being a big fan of Burt Bacharach & Hal David music, I know that they wrote and recorded a song named Nikki, dedicated to Angie and Nikki. They both almost died during Nikki’s birth. Odd thing about the song (which was recorded as an instrumental)is that ABC TV used it as the song during the opening credits of the ABC Sunday Night Movie during the late 1960s. It’s one of those “you’d know it if you heard it” songs. The song’s haunting melody now takes on a whole new aspect.
My condolences to Nikki’s parents and family.

Good grief–they make it sound like AS is related to mad cow disease or something! Very poorly worded and ignorant.

I’m 30 and was diagnosed with AS when I was in college. Obviously, I have no way of knowing if Ms. Bacharach’s depression was directly related to her AS or not, but the two frequently go hand-in-hand. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’d want to be “fixed” if it were possible, but I must admit that I often find my AS very isolating and have had problems with depression on and off.

Are you aware that there is internet specualtion that Nikki was indeed the author of a very popular blog and stories called AndreaBound? In the series, the author claims to be a girl in her 20’s living on the East Coast. The stories are seemingly too well written for a girl in her 20’s, implying a very gifted talent for narrative in the actual writer. While speculative, death by a “breath play” experiment resulting in accidental death makes a lot more sense than suicide. This kind of accident would be embarassing to a celebrity and the suicide explanation would serve their interests (and griefs) better. The popularity of her blog with many would have been a cathartic and affirming release for a person with relating issues. I have several emails preserved to and from “Andrea”, whoever she is and would make them available to interested parties investigating her mysterious disappearance coincident with Nikki’s death. If Nikki and Andrea were the same person, I would want the parents to know how successful, beloved, and missed Andrea will be in her niche.

I have an ex-pupils who commit suicide by jumping down from 7th floor 2 days ago. Too sadden to say anything.

I would argue that she was, in fact, slowly losing her ability to function. Life gets harder as it goes on, not easier. As I get older, it certainly feels like the problems are increasing in magnitude, and my ability to solve them is decreasing proportionally. So while Asperger’s is not a disorder that is neurologically degenerative, it very well may be that it causes some level of psychological degeneration, the very kind that leads intelligent people to decide that termination is preferable to continuation.

(Matthew 5: 3-4)

Rest in peace (finally) to Nikki Bacharach. And may God bless her family. As an Asperger sufferer myself, I feel compelled to confirm the verbal quality of “ravaging” from Aspergers. Through this statement, the parents demonstrate their perceptive accuracy to Nikki’s 40 year psychiatric struggle. This interpretation is ultimately encouraging and a medicine of (accurate) accomodation for all us suriving Aspies.

Rest in peace my cognitive sister. Rest in peace Nikki,
Jwyan

Regarding: “The tone of the statement even suggests that a “quiet, peaceful suicide” was the best and most reasonable way for her to handle her challenges.”

I completely agree that this was a reasonable choice for her. I congratulate this woman on her escape from hell. I have a high IQ and am very shy and have been terrorized and bullied my entire life for being different and independent. I only recently found out that I have Aspergers, but it explains a lot. At 31, I am still bullied regularly by people who think I’m weird and I was severely abused by my ex husband who told me I embarrassed him with my shyness and inability to make small talk with his friends. I am resigned to being outcast and powerless, and I patiently trudge through life waiting for the day I am lucky enough for life to end. It seems to me this disorder is basically a guarantee that you will be miserable and there is no escaping it. I think society should be more accepting of suicide. We put our pets out of misery, why not ourselves? I thoroughly respect the choice of someone who wants to commit suicide.